Home for the Holidays: Avoiding People-Pleasing & Setting Boundaries This Season

November 25, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and cozy traditions—but it can also stir up anxiety, pressure, and old habits like people-pleasing and perfectionism. Many of us feel pulled in a million different directions, trying to keep everyone happy and show up for every event… even when it leaves us exhausted.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and this year can be your year to approach the holidays differently.

You Don’t Have to Say Yes to Everything

A gentle reminder:
You are not required to attend every event, participate in every tradition, or be available to everyone throughout this holiday season. You deserve to choose what feels sustainable for you.

Of course, life isn’t about avoiding every inconvenience– we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But if something interferes with your basic needs—your sleep, meals, medical appointments, physical health, or emotional well-being—then it’s absolutely okay for the answer to be “no“.

Overcommitting is often a sign of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or anxiety. If you find yourself stretched thin, it may be because fear of disappointing people is driving your decisions rather than your values.

Before You Say “Yes”… Ask Yourself These Questions

Pause and check in with yourself:

Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to be helpful—or because I’m afraid of upsetting someone?
People-pleasing can look like kindness on the surface, but underneath is fear: fear of conflict, rejection, or disappointing others.
Will this drain my energy?
Picture yourself after the event or commitment. Will you feel grounded and connected—or overwhelmed and depleted?
Does saying yes affect my ability to show up for the people and responsibilities that truly matter to me?
When perfectionism pushes you to be everything to everyone, you lose the ability to be present where it matters most.

Your Needs Don’t Disappear Just Because It’s the Holidays

You still need rest. You still need downtime. You still need meals, movement, sleep, medication schedules, and emotional space.

Ignoring these needs often increases anxiety and resentment—and makes the season feel heavier than it needs to.

Honoring your limits is not selfish. It’s necessary.

It’s Not Your Job to Manage Everyone’s Reactions

This is the hardest part for my clients who struggle with people-pleasing:
You can set a boundary kindly and respectfully—and someone may still feel disappointed. Their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary was wrong.

You are responsible for communicating with clarity and kindness.
You are not responsible for managing someone else’s emotions about your decisions.

Let other people have their feelings. You are allowed to prioritize your well-being.

A Healthier Way to Approach This Holiday Season

Instead of running yourself into the ground, try:

Choosing plans that align with your values
Leaving room for rest and flexibility
Recognizing the difference between guilt and genuine desire
Saying “no” without over-explaining
Checking in with your emotional capacity before committing
Letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations for others AND yourself.

A holiday season filled with burnout and resentment isn’t a holiday—it’s a marathon.

Give Yourself Permission to Do What Feels Right

You owe it to yourself to make choices from a grounded place—not from guilt, fear, anxiety, or pressure.

Saying no to something that drains you is really saying yes to your mental health, your relationships, and your peace.

You deserve a holiday season that feels nourishing—not overwhelming.

If You Need Support This Holiday Season…

If you’re finding that this time of year is bringing up stress, overwhelm, or old patterns you’re ready to break, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I currently have openings for new clients and would be glad to support you in building healthy boundaries, managing anxiety, and breaking free from people-pleasing.

Feel free to reach out. You can email me or send a message—let’s make this season a little gentler together.

Filed Under: mental health, perfectionism, Therapy Tagged With: adulting, anxiety support, boundaries, emerging adults, holiday stress, holidays, millennial, people pleasing, perfectionism, self compassion, stress management, uncertainty, wellness, young adult, young adult mental health

4 Ways to Break Free from the Cycle of Perfectionism

September 11, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

The Perfectionism Trap

You see it everywhere — on your Insta feed, in group chats, in the way people talk about their endless to-do lists and self-improvement goals. You’re told to eat cleaner, work harder, travel more, work out more, glow up, and somehow have the time and energy to have fun. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

Perfectionism tricks you into thinking that if you just hit the next goal — lose 10 pounds, pick the perfect career, and keep your skincare routine flawless — then you’ll finally feel okay. But is this actually making you happy, or just making you tired?

What Perfectionism Does to You

Living in “must be perfect” mode doesn’t just push you to work harder — it can wear you down. You might notice:

Beating yourself up for tiny mistakes.
Trouble relaxing because there’s always “more” you should be doing.
Comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel and feeling behind.
Pushing yourself until you burn out — then blaming yourself for being tired.

Perfectionism can feel productive, but it’s often fueled by fear — fear of failing, fear of not measuring up, or fear of being “too much” or “not enough.” According to an article in Psychology Today, “Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences.”

How to Break the Cycle

The good news? Perfectionism doesn’t have to run your life. You can have big goals and show yourself some grace along the way.

Here are four practical tools to help you step out of the perfectionism trap:

1. Ground Yourself

Stop. Put your phone down. Take one deep, slow breath. Give yourself five seconds and just pause.

This is your reset button — a chance to step off autopilot and decide what actually matters right now. In this moment, remind yourself: you are safe. Nothing is on fire.

2. Ask What YOU Want

Perfectionism is sneaky — it makes you chase what you think you’re supposed to want. Pause and ask:

“Is this really for me, or because I think I should?”
“What do I actually want for my life right now?”

Then act on it. Add in the things that bring you joy, even if they feel “cringe” or unconventional. Your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.

3. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts

When your mind feels noisy, try a quick brain dump: write down every anxious, judgmental, or racing thought swirling around. Then take a moment to reflect:

“What am I telling myself right now?”
“Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. Writing them out helps you notice which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

4. Practice Making Mistakes

One of the best ways to loosen perfectionism’s grip is to practice making mistakes — on purpose. This is a form of exposure therapy, where we intentionally face the things that trigger us, little by little, to build resilience.

For perfectionism, this might look like:

Sending an email with a small typo.
Posting a photo on social media that isn’t perfectly curated or facetuned.
Submitting an assignment that is “good enough” instead of endlessly revising it.

Each time you do this, you teach your brain that imperfection is survivable — and often, not nearly as catastrophic as it feels in the moment.

When to Talk to Someone

If perfectionism is affecting your mental health, relationships, or ability to enjoy life, it may be time to reach out for support.

Therapy can help you understand where this pressure is coming from, quiet negative self-talk, and build tools to live a life that actually feels good — not just one that looks good.

If you are struggling with feeling “not good enough”, please do not hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone!

Click here if you are ready to get started.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, social media, teens, Therapy Tagged With: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, perfectionism, shame, teens, young adult

Your Questions Answered: How Yoga Can Help Your Mental Health.

September 22, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

What is Yoga?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say “I can’t do yoga I am not flexible”. The truth is yoga is not just about the poses! The word “yoga” actually comes from the phrase “to yoke” or to bring together. Yoga is a way to connect mind, body, and breath. Because this mindful practice includes breath control, centering, and physical movement, it is often referred to as a “moving meditation”. Yoga does not have to be bending into a pretzel or that classic image of svelte models effortlessly floating into dancer pose.

The physical health benefits are numerous and well documented in medical journals. A regular yoga practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health, relief from chronic pain, arthritis and better sleep, in addition to improving muscle strength and posture. Awareness of breath helps you to slow down your thoughts and incorporate more body awareness.

Okay, so what about the mental health benefits?

Most people are aware that practicing yoga will calm your body down. Having a mindfulness practice can also encourage you to stay present with whatever is happening. Oftentimes we are wrapped up in what has happened in the past or what we believe will happen in the future. I can speak for myself when I say that I often get carried away with my thoughts, worries, and “What Ifs”.

Coming back into your breath can take the focus out of your head and into your body. Something magical happens when you connect with your body. Staying in the moment allows you be open to all of the wonderful possibilities your life has to offer.

How can yoga help my depression?

Most of us know that physical exercise is beneficial to one suffering from depression. Yoga is awesome because it incorporates mindfulness with the movement that does not have to be strenuous. Often in depression, the sufferer will experience lethargy, rumination, feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Practicing yoga and meditation can combat these symptoms and even increase production of feel-good chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin. The practices of yoga and meditation have been noted to activate these neurotransmitters that help regulate mood.

What about my anxiety?

Yoga is a great exercise for someone dealing with anxiety. Often people who suffer from anxiety disorders are preoccupied with what is going on in their heads. Predicting unpleasant events and re-living uncomfortable situations are common for those who struggle with anxiety. Yoga allows space to notice that right now, in this moment, everything is okay. Patients who have been diagnosed with panic disorders and other anxiety disorders, typically have decreased GABA activity in the brain. The chemicals that are released in the brain during a yoga class have been compared to the effects of the Benzodiazepine class of anti-anxiety medication.

I am struggling with addiction. Can yoga help me?

Having a yoga practice can definitely be a helpful supplement to addiction treatment and recovery programs. As stated earlier, Yoga and other mindfulness practices can increase blissful chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin, which can be responsible for that post-yoga class euphoric feeling. Additionally, having a routine can be beneficial for anyone dealing with a mental health concern. Adding yoga to your schedule can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy in a positive way.

Do kids and teens benefit from yoga?

Absolutely. In fact, yoga can help children to be more aware of the way their bodies move, while also building comfort with those growing bodies. Teaching mindful movement and meditation to younger children will allow them to learn to focus and be present. Integrating breath and movement can also help with emotional regulation. For teens, yoga can help improve self-esteem by increasing body gratitude and building a sense of community.

How often should I practice?

If I could practice every day I totally would! I think incorporating some kind of mindful exercise whether it is meditation, yoga or prayer, can be a helpful way to start the day. If it starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to prioritize and look at what else is taking up your time. A lot of people find that the calm they feel after going to a yoga class or practicing yoga on their own is well worth it.

Remember that you get what you put in. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will reap the benefits.

Please let me know your thoughts and message me with any questions 🙂

To the twenty-something who feels stuck

August 9, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

You feel like you aren’t where you should be.

You finished school but things don’t feel right. For some reason, you thought you would be fully “adulting” by now but instead, you feel lost and unsure of your next steps. You were able to work hard in school but now it’s a struggle to get up off the couch. Maybe you can still go to your job but it feels like there is something missing. You feel like you can’t enjoy your life. Where is that drive you once had?

You might feel like you aren’t living up to everyone’s expectations.

Maybe you feel like you are letting your parents down or perhaps you are realizing that what your parents see for you is different than what you want for yourself. It doesn’t help watching your peers’ successes posted all over social media. You know for sure you are not fulfilling your potential.

It shouldn’t be this hard, right?

What you are experiencing is not at all uncommon. Your twenties can be an overwhelming and scary time. You are expected to be an adult, but at the same time, you have never had to be on your own before. Managing responsibilities like paying bills, grocery shopping and showing up to work, not to mention basic self-care can be difficult. The passage into adulthood is a challenge to navigate. For some people, achievements like completing high school or college can be liberating, but for others, no longer having that structure can be incredibly daunting. But these transitions do not have to be paralyzing.

What if you were able to feel motivated and inspired to get out there? How would it feel to have a life that made you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What if you felt happy? What if you felt like things were falling into place and you were right where you were supposed to be?

As cheesy as it sounds, there is only one of you. You have gifts and talents that no one else has. You don’t have to struggle alone. You just need the support to move forward.

The young adults I have worked with benefit from a perception change.

So what is getting in your way?

A pattern of negative thinking. Your thoughts influence your feelings and behaviors. If you don’t pay attention to what you are telling yourself, it will be hard to make any kind of change. One distorted thinking pattern that can get in the way of positive change is “all or nothing” or “black and white” thinking. Thinking in these terms means you see people or events in extremes. This type of thinking may cause you to categorize things as “good” or “bad” instead of seeing the gray area. Another distorted thinking pattern is labeling. You may label yourself as “a loser” or “a failure”. Labeling yourself as “unmotivated” or “lazy” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help get to the core of these distorted thinking patterns and equip you with the tools you need to challenge your own thinking.
The belief that everything is going to be perfect. News flash- nothing in life is ever going to be “perfect”. Additionally, no human being is immune from making mistakes. If you wait for everything to line up the way you believe it should, you may be waiting forever. Sometimes you need to take action. Mindfulness can be an antidote to perfectionism because it allows us to see things as they are without judgment.
Self-sabotage. Often we deal with feelings of shame and self-doubt by self-medicating. Whether it be with food, alcohol, or even Netflix. Using these things to cope can feel good. Duh, that’s why people use them, right? They are a quick fix. However, when you constantly go to the quick fix, it can become way too easy to shy away from developing the healthy coping skills that may involve more work. Long term use of unhealthy coping skills can also lead to emotional and health related consequences.
An underlying mental health diagnosis. Depression and anxiety can cause debilitating symptoms that may look like a lack of drive. Symptoms like fatigue and hopelessness can be incapacitating. Unfortunately, people who are struggling with addiction are often seen as lacking the willpower to change. Symptoms of ADHD are often disguised as laziness. The truth is, these serious diagnoses are not your fault and should be treated by a mental health professional.
The belief that it is not okay to ask for help. Does this statement sound familiar- “I should be able to handle this”? Whether you are having trouble with independent living or just feeling stuck, you CAN ask for help. Most successful people have had plenty of help along the way. You have been trying to do this on your own long enough and it is not working. Remember “if nothing changes, nothing changes”.

You don’t have to stay stuck.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, self-esteem, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: cognitive behavioral therapy, depression, mental health, millennial, motivation, stuck, substance abuse, young adult