uncertainty Archives - Therapy & Mindfulness Practices

The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and cozy traditions—but it can also stir up anxiety, pressure, and old habits like people-pleasing and perfectionism. Many of us feel pulled in a million different directions, trying to keep everyone happy and show up for every event… even when it leaves us exhausted.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and this year can be your year to approach the holidays differently.

You Don’t Have to Say Yes to Everything

A gentle reminder:
You are not required to attend every event, participate in every tradition, or be available to everyone throughout this holiday season. You deserve to choose what feels sustainable for you.

Of course, life isn’t about avoiding every inconvenience– we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But if something interferes with your basic needs—your sleep, meals, medical appointments, physical health, or emotional well-being—then it’s absolutely okay for the answer to be “no“.

Overcommitting is often a sign of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or anxiety. If you find yourself stretched thin, it may be because fear of disappointing people is driving your decisions rather than your values.

Before You Say “Yes”… Ask Yourself These Questions

Pause and check in with yourself:

Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to be helpful—or because I’m afraid of upsetting someone?
People-pleasing can look like kindness on the surface, but underneath is fear: fear of conflict, rejection, or disappointing others.
Will this drain my energy?
Picture yourself after the event or commitment. Will you feel grounded and connected—or overwhelmed and depleted?
Does saying yes affect my ability to show up for the people and responsibilities that truly matter to me?
When perfectionism pushes you to be everything to everyone, you lose the ability to be present where it matters most.

Your Needs Don’t Disappear Just Because It’s the Holidays

You still need rest. You still need downtime. You still need meals, movement, sleep, medication schedules, and emotional space.

Ignoring these needs often increases anxiety and resentment—and makes the season feel heavier than it needs to.

Honoring your limits is not selfish. It’s necessary.

It’s Not Your Job to Manage Everyone’s Reactions

This is the hardest part for my clients who struggle with people-pleasing:
You can set a boundary kindly and respectfully—and someone may still feel disappointed. Their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary was wrong.

You are responsible for communicating with clarity and kindness.
You are not responsible for managing someone else’s emotions about your decisions.

Let other people have their feelings. You are allowed to prioritize your well-being.

A Healthier Way to Approach This Holiday Season

Instead of running yourself into the ground, try:

Choosing plans that align with your values
Leaving room for rest and flexibility
Recognizing the difference between guilt and genuine desire
Saying “no” without over-explaining
Checking in with your emotional capacity before committing
Letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations for others AND yourself.

A holiday season filled with burnout and resentment isn’t a holiday—it’s a marathon.

Give Yourself Permission to Do What Feels Right

You owe it to yourself to make choices from a grounded place—not from guilt, fear, anxiety, or pressure.

Saying no to something that drains you is really saying yes to your mental health, your relationships, and your peace.

You deserve a holiday season that feels nourishing—not overwhelming.

If You Need Support This Holiday Season…

If you’re finding that this time of year is bringing up stress, overwhelm, or old patterns you’re ready to break, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I currently have openings for new clients and would be glad to support you in building healthy boundaries, managing anxiety, and breaking free from people-pleasing.

Feel free to reach out. You can email me or send a message—let’s make this season a little gentler together.

Why Uncertainty Feels Hard

Uncertainty is one of the hardest things for our brains to handle. We crave control, clear answers, and knowing what’s coming next. When life feels unpredictable — whether it’s waiting for test results, navigating a new job, or figuring out a relationship — our minds can go into overdrive, trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces.

But here’s the truth: life is full of uncertainty. Learning to tolerate it — not just push through it, but actually live well with it — is one of the most powerful skills you can build.

Why Our Brains Struggle with the Unknown

Our brains are prediction machines, wired to scan for danger and make plans. This survival mechanism was helpful in the past, but in today’s world, it often leads to unnecessary anxiety.

Lack of control triggers anxiety. We think that if we can just plan well enough, we can prevent bad things from happening. This false belief can intensify distress, especially when things go wrong despite our best efforts.

We exhaust ourselves trying to “figure it out.” Overthinking, Googling obsessively, ruminating, and seeking reassurance are all ways we try to avoid the discomfort of not knowing.

The Cost of Avoiding Uncertainty

Avoiding uncertainty comes at a price. Constantly checking emails, texts, and social media may feel soothing temporarily, but it actually ramps up anxiety over time. Overthinking and over-researching can lead to analysis paralysis, keeping us stuck and preventing action.

Trying to control the future is like running through a maze with no exit — because there’s no way to know anything for certain. The more we chase certainty, the more trapped and exhausted we feel.

Practical Strategies for Tolerating Uncertainty

1. Name It
Say to yourself, “I do not know what comes next. I am dealing with uncertainty.” Naming it helps your brain step back and observe rather than react. Most of life is uncertain — yet every day, you manage to get through it.

2. Shift Your Focus to the Present
When the outcome is beyond your control, focus on what is within your control today. One small, grounding action — a walk, a breathing exercise, or tidying a space — can keep you anchored in the present.

3. Practice “Uncertainty Exposures”
Like with perfectionism, you can build tolerance by practicing uncertainty in safe ways:

Go to a new restaurant without checking the menu first.
Send an email with a small typo.
Let a text sit unanswered for an hour.
Resist checking tracking info for an order.

Each time you do this, you learn that discomfort doesn’t last forever — and the worst-case scenario rarely happens.

4. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts
Do a quick brain dump of anxious or racing thoughts. Then ask yourself:

“What am I telling myself right now?”
“Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. This practice helps you identify which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

5. Practice Self-Compassion
Remind yourself: It’s normal to feel anxious about uncertainty. Everyone struggles with it at times. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re human.

Reframing Uncertainty

Uncertainty doesn’t always mean something bad is coming — it simply means the future is still unwritten. “Anything could happen” is a neutral statement, open to multiple possibilities.

Sometimes what you fear turns out better than you imagined. If you always knew the outcome, life would be pretty predictable — maybe even boring. Resilience grows when we face what we can’t control and still move forward.

Moving Forward

Uncertainty may never feel completely comfortable, but it can become tolerable — and even become a place where growth happens. Each time you choose to sit with not knowing, you build strength, patience, and courage. Over time, uncertainty transforms from a threat into an open door, inviting you to step forward with confidence.

Home for the Holidays: Avoiding People-Pleasing & Setting Boundaries This Season