Therapy & Mindfulness Practices

Why You Should Practice Making Mistakes

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Perfectionism promises excellence—but all too often, it delivers anxiety and self-doubt. What if part of the cure is doing the opposite of perfect?

What if making mistakes on purpose could actually help you grow stronger?

Why Perfectionism Holds You Back

Perfectionists set extremely high standards and often believe that self-worth depends on meeting them. Fear of mistakes keeps you stuck: you procrastinate, overwork, or avoid taking any action unless conditions are “just right.” Many experts believe that perfectionism is closely tied to shame. For example, if I do this perfectly, I can avoid criticism and therefore shame.

When things don’t go perfectly, self-criticism spikes, and the internal dialogue can become harsh: you blame yourself, second-guess your decisions, and ruminate on what went wrong.

Exposure Therapy: A Tool from Psychology

In therapy, there’s a technique called exposure therapy — the idea is to slowly and intentionally face what makes you anxious or afraid, learning to handle it over time. Gradually, the fear loses its power. You desensitize yourself to what was causing so much anxiety.

Applied to perfectionism, one approach is to practice making mistakes. Doing so teaches you that you can survive imperfection, that discomfort doesn’t kill you, and that sometimes, things turn out okay even when they aren’t “perfect.”

How to Practice “Mistake Exposures”

Here are some small steps to try:

  • Send an email with a minor typo.
  • Let an assignment be “good enough” instead of endlessly editing it.
  • Share an unfinished draft with a colleague or group member without obsessing over design or details.
  • Try a new activity, knowing you might look silly.
  • Create something imperfect.

Click here for a more extensive list

Each time, notice what happens. Are people mad? Probably not. Does your anxiety spike? Maybe. But you’ll learn you can cope. Over time, the anxiety lessens, and you grow confidence. A great mantra for anxiety is “I can handle this.”

What Research Tells Us

Recent studies show that intentional failure helps reduce the fear of mistakes. In one experiment, perfectionistic participants intentionally made errors (e.g., spelling mistakes, messing up tasks) so they could get used to being imperfect. Over time, they reported fewer fears, less avoidance, and less distress when things didn’t go “just right.” (Psychology Today)

Putting It Into Practice (Tips)

  • Start small. Begin with low-stakes mistakes — don’t jump straight to sending a public presentation with glaring errors.
  • Plan exposures. Decide beforehand what you’ll allow yourself to mess up and how you’ll handle the discomfort.
  • Practice self-compassion. Whether the mistake is intentional or accidental, treat yourself kindly. You’re doing valuable work.
  • Reflect. After an exposure, write or think: What did I feel? What was worse than I imagined? What was better? What did I learn?

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism isn’t just a drive for excellence — it keeps you trapped from living the life you want. Making mistakes on purpose is your way out. It’s a way to reclaim your power, to see yourself as human, capable, and resilient. You deserve to live a life where “good enough” doesn’t feel like failure — it feels like freedom.

If you’re feeling “not good enough” or find yourself obsessing over how others perceive you, I can help. I have openings for new clients and would love to support you on this journey. Feel free to hit the Contact button to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, teens, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , ,

4 Ways to Break Free from the Cycle of Perfectionism

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The Perfectionism Trap

You see it everywhere — on your Insta feed, in group chats, in the way people talk about their endless to-do lists and self-improvement goals. You’re told to eat cleaner, work harder, travel more, work out more, glow up, and somehow have the time and energy to have fun. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

Perfectionism tricks you into thinking that if you just hit the next goal — lose 10 pounds, pick the perfect career, and keep your skincare routine flawless — then you’ll finally feel okay. But is this actually making you happy, or just making you tired?

What Perfectionism Does to You

Living in “must be perfect” mode doesn’t just push you to work harder — it can wear you down. You might notice:

  • Beating yourself up for tiny mistakes.
  • Trouble relaxing because there’s always “more” you should be doing.
  • Comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel and feeling behind.
  • Pushing yourself until you burn out — then blaming yourself for being tired.

Perfectionism can feel productive, but it’s often fueled by fear — fear of failing, fear of not measuring up, or fear of being “too much” or “not enough.” According to an article in Psychology Today, “Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences.”

How to Break the Cycle

The good news? Perfectionism doesn’t have to run your life. You can have big goals and show yourself some grace along the way.

Here are four practical tools to help you step out of the perfectionism trap:

1. Ground Yourself

Stop. Put your phone down. Take one deep, slow breath. Give yourself five seconds and just pause.

This is your reset button — a chance to step off autopilot and decide what actually matters right now. In this moment, remind yourself: you are safe. Nothing is on fire.

2. Ask What YOU Want

Perfectionism is sneaky — it makes you chase what you think you’re supposed to want. Pause and ask:

  • “Is this really for me, or because I think I should?”
  • “What do I actually want for my life right now?”

Then act on it. Add in the things that bring you joy, even if they feel “cringe” or unconventional. Your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.

3. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts

When your mind feels noisy, try a quick brain dump: write down every anxious, judgmental, or racing thought swirling around. Then take a moment to reflect:

  • “What am I telling myself right now?”
  • “Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. Writing them out helps you notice which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

4. Practice Making Mistakes

One of the best ways to loosen perfectionism’s grip is to practice making mistakes — on purpose. This is a form of exposure therapy, where we intentionally face the things that trigger us, little by little, to build resilience.

For perfectionism, this might look like:

  • Sending an email with a small typo.
  • Posting a photo on social media that isn’t perfectly curated or facetuned.
  • Submitting an assignment that is “good enough” instead of endlessly revising it.

Each time you do this, you teach your brain that imperfection is survivable — and often, not nearly as catastrophic as it feels in the moment.

When to Talk to Someone

If perfectionism is affecting your mental health, relationships, or ability to enjoy life, it may be time to reach out for support.

Therapy can help you understand where this pressure is coming from, quiet negative self-talk, and build tools to live a life that actually feels good — not just one that looks good.

If you are struggling with feeling “not good enough”, please do not hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone!

Click here if you are ready to get started.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, social media, teens, Therapy Tagged With: , , , , ,

Your Questions Answered: How Yoga Can Help Your Mental Health.

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What is Yoga?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say “I can’t do yoga I am not flexible”. The truth is yoga is not just about the poses! The word “yoga” actually comes from the phrase “to yoke” or to bring together. Yoga is a way to connect mind, body, and breath. Because this mindful practice includes breath control, centering, and physical movement, it is often referred to as a “moving meditation”. Yoga does not have to be bending into a pretzel or that classic image of svelte models effortlessly floating into dancer pose.

The physical health benefits are numerous and well documented in medical journals. A regular yoga practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health, relief from chronic pain, arthritis and better sleep, in addition to improving muscle strength and posture. Awareness of breath helps you to slow down your thoughts and incorporate more body awareness.

Okay, so what about the mental health benefits?

Most people are aware that practicing yoga will calm your body down. Having a mindfulness practice can also encourage you to stay present with whatever is happening. Oftentimes we are wrapped up in what has happened in the past or what we believe will happen in the future. I can speak for myself when I say that I often get carried away with my thoughts, worries, and “What Ifs”.

Coming back into your breath can take the focus out of your head and into your body. Something magical happens when you connect with your body. Staying in the moment allows you be open to all of the wonderful possibilities your life has to offer.

How can yoga help my depression?

Most of us know that physical exercise is beneficial to one suffering from depression. Yoga is awesome because it incorporates mindfulness with the movement that does not have to be strenuous. Often in depression, the sufferer will experience lethargy, rumination, feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Practicing yoga and meditation can combat these symptoms and even increase production of feel-good chemicals in the brain like GABA,  dopamine, and serotonin. The practices of yoga and meditation have been noted to activate these neurotransmitters that help regulate mood.

What about my anxiety?

Yoga is a great exercise for someone dealing with anxiety. Often people who suffer from anxiety disorders are preoccupied with what is going on in their heads. Predicting unpleasant events and re-living uncomfortable situations are common for those who struggle with anxiety. Yoga allows space to notice that right now, in this moment, everything is okay. Patients who have been diagnosed with panic disorders and other anxiety disorders, typically have decreased GABA activity in the brain. The chemicals that are released in the brain during a yoga class have been compared to the effects of the Benzodiazepine class of anti-anxiety medication.

I am struggling with addiction. Can yoga help me?

Having a yoga practice can definitely be a helpful supplement to addiction treatment and recovery programs. As stated earlier, Yoga and other mindfulness practices can increase blissful chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin, which can be responsible for that post-yoga class euphoric feeling. Additionally, having a routine can be beneficial for anyone dealing with a mental health concern. Adding yoga to your schedule can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy in a positive way.

Do kids and teens benefit from yoga?

Absolutely. In fact, yoga can help children to be more aware of the way their bodies move, while also building comfort with those growing bodies. Teaching mindful movement and meditation to younger children will allow them to learn to focus and be present. Integrating breath and movement can also help with emotional regulation. For teens, yoga can help improve self-esteem by increasing body gratitude and building a sense of community.

How often should I practice?

If I could practice every day I totally would! I think incorporating some kind of mindful exercise whether it is meditation, yoga or prayer, can be a helpful way to start the day. If it starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to prioritize and look at what else is taking up your time. A lot of people find that the calm they feel after going to a yoga class or practicing yoga on their own is well worth it.

Remember that you get what you put in. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will reap the benefits.

Please let me know your thoughts and message me with any questions 🙂

Further Reading

From Harvard Health Publications- Yoga Benefits Beyond the Mat

Meditation and Yoga can Modulate Brain Mechanisms that affect Behavior and Anxiety-A Modern Scientific Perspective

From Mayo Clinic- Yoga: Fight Stress and Find Serenity

How might yoga help with depression? A neurobiological perspective. 

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel VanderKolk

Befriending your body: How yoga helps heal trauma

7 Ways Kids Benefit From Yoga

Filed Under: coping skills, mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, Self Awareness, self-esteem, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , ,

To the mom who feels like she is failing

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You have known her since birth. She is your little girl. You remember like it was yesterday; her smile, her laugh, her cuddles. You think back to what it was like when she looked up to you, when you could be in the moment with your girl- playing outside, going on adventures, reading bedtime stories. Your sole purpose was to make her feel loved and taken care of.

Lately, things have been different. She lashes out at the smallest things. You no longer feel the closeness that was once there. Maybe she tells you that you don’t understand. You see her criticizing herself and the world around her. You see her caught up in what the media tells her she is supposed to be or look like. The dreams she had as a young child seem to be fading.

What happened to your little girl? You try to do all the right things. You give positive feedback, get her involved in activities and let her know you are available to talk.

Adolescence is a difficult time for both the child and the parents. As Dr. Mary Pipher puts it, “Adolescence is currently scripted in a way that builds conflict between teenagers and their parents. Conflict occurs when parents try to protect their daughters who are trying to be independent in ways that are dangerous. Teenagers are under great social pressure to abandon their families, to be accepted by peer culture and to be autonomous individuals”. (Pipher, 65).

Developmentally it is completely normal for your child to be creating distance in the relationship. At this stage of life, peer groups are of paramount importance. In addition to shifts in relationships, there are also bodily changes that occur in adolescence. These shifts may contribute to your daughter feeling uncomfortable in her skin. Another notable change is the way adolescents tend to view the world. Teens, in general, are more likely to utilize cognitive distortions including emotional reasoning- “I feel this way so it must be true” and black and white thinking- seeing situations and people in extremes. Teens tend to come from a more egocentric place, where it is difficult to see another’s point of view. All of these patterns are typical for this developmental stage. However, knowing something is “normal” may not make them any easier to deal with.

Raising your daughter in today’s world can be a challenge, to say the least. So what are you to do?

  1. Remember safety first– Always seek professional help if there is talk of suicide if you notice any self-harming or other high-risk behaviors (sex, substance abuse, running away). Use your judgment as a parent in setting limits with the cell phone, the internet, and driving privileges.
  2. Consistency– adolescents are likely to “split” adults or look for a way around the rules. It is best that all caretakers are on the same page in terms expectations and boundaries. Talk with those involved in the care of your teen about what is acceptable for your child.
  3. Self-care– This one is so important. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first or else you won’t be of any help to your child. Self-care can be basic like getting enough sleep, making sure you have eaten and are hydrated. Once these basic physiological needs are met you can explore what brings you joy. Journaling, reading, meditation and/or exercise can be great stress relievers.
  4. Be gentle with yourself- Give yourself a break. You are only human and you are doing the best you can. Ask for help from your support network when you need it. Give yourself permission to have your own emotional reaction to what is going on. Seek professional help if necessary.

For further reading on changes that occur during adolescence check out the resources below:

Reviving Ophelia- Saving the selves of adolescent girls by Dr. Mary Pipher, Ph.D.

http://www.mindful.org/three-tips-raising-resilient-teens/

http://www.mindful.org/amazing-tumultuous-wild-wonderful-teenage-brain/

Filed Under: Child, communication, development, Mindfulness, parents, teenagers, teens Tagged With: , , , , , ,

To the girl who feels like she will never fit in

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You are in pain. You don’t feel like you will ever be good enough. Maybe you feel like you are too different. You just want to be accepted. You wish that you could wave a magic wand and that things would change. It seems like you will just never fit in. The grown-ups just don’t get it. It’s too weird to talk about this stuff with your parents. It can be lonely when you are stuck carrying these feelings all by yourself.

I get it. As a therapist, I help girls who struggle with feeling like they aren’t good enough. The truth is you are good enough, sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. The stuff that happens in your life as a kid and teenager is significant because it can change the person that you become.

What if you felt confident in who you are? What if you had the courage to be yourself and not care what the other kids think? What if you felt brave enough to show the world your talents and gifts? It is possible to get there.

Here are a few things you can start working on today:

  1. List out all the things in your life that bring you joy. I know– this one can be a challenge, especially if you are feeling low. Give it a try anyway. After you come up with 2 or 3 things, see if there is a way to incorporate these into your daily routine.
  2. Start talking to yourself like you would talk to a close friend or someone you really care about. Would you call a friend “stupid” or “a failure”? Probably not. Negative self-talk can perpetuate low self-esteem. Sometimes we may not even realize how mean we are to ourselves because these thoughts have become so automatic.
  3. Be honest with your parents or an adult whom you trust. Sharing things out can be a huge relief. Remember you are not alone.

Things do not have to stay this way! There is hope. With access to support and some helpful strategies, you can begin to finally realize how amazing you are.

 

Filed Under: Child, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, teenagers, teens, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

What to say to a child who self harms.

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bubbleFAQsFinding out your child has been self harming can be one of the most terrifying experiences. The first reaction for most parents is anger. You might ask yourself “Why is this happening?”, “Who is responsible?”  You might even blame yourself or your partner. Being confronted with the reality that your child is intentionally hurting herself is a scary one.

Here are a few things to remember:

  1. Do not yell or punish. Your child may naturally feel that you are “against” her. Oftentimes self harming is used as a tool to self soothe, and we all know that yelling is not at all soothing to someone who is already in pain. Instead offer healthy alternatives, not as a reward, but rather to let your child know you are willing to work with them.
  2. Respond in a calm way–even though you may feel like screaming. Take a moment (or a few) to compose yourself. Practice some deep breathing. Remember that you are the parent. It is imperative that you remain in control. By remaining calm you are not condoning the behavior. You are coming from a stable place that is more likely to ensure open communication with your child.
  3. Do not give in. While self harm is often a sign of extreme internal suffering, it can also be used as a tool to get certain “needs” met. You may often hear people referring to self harm as “manipulative”, and while some children may use this as a manipulation, this is not the case for all children who self harm. Whatever the intent, we do not want to reinforce this behavior by giving in.
  4. Talk openly with your child by starting a conversation. Openly express your feelings. Try using “I feel statements”. For example “I feel scared when you harm yourself, I need you to come to me next time you feel like hurting yourself”. Acknowledge your child’s pain. You can say “I see that you are suffering” or “I am sorry that you felt like you had to do that. What do you need right now?”
  5. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, educate yourself. Do your own research and consult with professionals. Keep your child’s psychiatrist, therapist and primary care doctor up to date on anything concerning your child’s mental health. If you do not have a mental health provider and you are unsure of what to do, take your child to your local crisis center or emergency room to request a mental health evaluation.

Always come from a place of love. Remember that you care about your child, which is why this can be so scary.  It is important to remember that you are not alone, and there are many parents out there working through these same issues. 

For more reading check out the  Adolescent Self Injury Foundation, which has great tips for kids and parents affected by self injury. You can also search for articles on Psych Central and Psychology Today.

Filed Under: communication, parents, self harm, teens Tagged With: , , , , , ,