Therapy and Mindfulness

New Years Resolution- Get more sleep!

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Moving into the new year, you are probably hearing resolutions about eating healthy, losing weight or exercising more. While diet and exercise are important, one wellness area that most teens and adults tend to overlook is sleep. We forget that sleep is one of our most basic human needs. Your body needs sleep in order to function properly. Most adults need at least 7-9 hours of sleep, while teens need 8-10 hours.

Here are a few simple tips that I have found to be helpful for both myself and my clients to ensure a better night’s sleep:

    1. Make sure your bedroom is a place for rest. Feng Shui teachings advise keeping anything work related (homework, computers, etc) out of the bedroom. Why? So that your bedroom is an environment conducive to sleep–not work. On that note, unplug! Put the phone, iPad, and laptop on the other side of the room. Electronics can be a major distraction to both kids and adults. Also, decluttering your bedroom can be a great way to create a more peaceful space.
    2. Give your body some time to slow down. Avoid vigorous exercise at least 2 hours before bedtime and steer clear of caffeinated beverages in the afternoon.
    3. Bring it back to your five senses:

Sight:

Darkness is key. Research shows that darkness induces melatonin production. Melatonin is a hormone that helps control your sleep and wake cycles. You can use an eye mask or purchase blackout curtains for the bedroom to ensure complete darkness.

Sound:

Some people sleep better in silence, others may relax to the sound of white noise or a fan. Calming music with no words can help lull you to sleep. If your phone is not too much of a distraction, there are some helpful apps that use guided imagery and sounds to calm your mind (“insight timer” and “relax melodies” are great).

Touch:

Invest in something soothing to the touch- silky PJ’s, a soft blanket or special sheets. Make your bed a comfy place to be. Also be sure the temperature is right for you. Everyone is different. Some prefer to cooler temperatures and other people enjoy the comfort of a heated blanket. Find what works for you!

Taste:

Try drinking a warm beverage before bed. Hot (non-caffeinated) tea or warm milk with honey can have a relaxing effect on your body. Several foods can naturally increase melatonin production including tart cherry juice and bananas.

Smell:

Finally, my personal favorite way to unwind and relax, essential oils!! Lavender, Chamomile, Bergamot, Sweet Orange and Ylang Ylang are a few of my favorites. Essential oils can be added to water in a diffuser or you can simply rub some on your temples or under your nose before bed. 

See what works for you and let me know what you think!

Schedule your free 20-minute phone consultation today to see if you or your child could benefit from the extra support that therapy can provide.

For further reading on sleep, check out this TED talk https://www.ted.com/talks/jeff_iliff_one_more_reason_to_get_a_good_night_s_sleep

Tips on sleep hygiene from American Sleep Association https://www.sleepassociation.org/patients-general-public/insomnia/sleep-hygiene-tips/

 

Filed Under: mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, sleep, teens, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Handling your child’s love hate relationship with social media

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slideContactLet’s be real. Your kid is using her phone for more than just texting these days. 90% of the teens who I have worked with have had phones with internet access, thus access to endless social media sites and other apps for communicating with God knows who. In addition to the risk that meeting strangers online can pose, “Studies show that repeated exposure to negative postings can trigger or exacerbate symptoms of mental illness” (drjuliehanks.com). The truth is–and I am saying this from years of experience getting into this battle with teens–those who are suffering from a mental health diagnosis like anxiety or depression will be more sensitive to negative comments or images posted online. Teens, in general, tend to be more impressionable than adults and more likely to be affected when they feel judged by their peers. In developmental terms, this can be completely normal. BUT add adolescent plus mental health diagnosis or sensitive personality and this could equal a big problem. By no means am I bashing social media. Social media can be a great tool for keeping in touch, self-expression or delving deeper into hobbies or interests. I actually love social media but giving a child whose brain is not fully matured free reign and access to anything on the internet can be extremely dangerous and even addictive.

My experience as a therapist working with children and teens has taught me that limits have to be set.

  1. There should always be a cut off time for devices- 9pm, bedtime, whatever you choose- and parents keep the phone.
  2. There can be an agreement (for older teens) that parents will not read messages or go snooping.
  3. If there is a safety concern or there has been risky behavior online in the past- parents have a right to snoop or take away the device completely.
  4. Parents have access to passwords for ALL social media sites. Purely for safety.
  5. Remember parenting teens and tweens in this digital age can be extremely difficult. Ultimately it is up to you to find a system that works for you and your family.

Please post your comments about what is working for you!

For more info on the impact of technology on children check out this article from the Huffington Post article titled The Impact of Social Media On The Developing Child

Read more about the psychological impact of social media in this article by Dr. Julie Hanks

Is Social Media Dragging You Down?

Filed Under: parenting, social media Tagged With: , , , , ,

What to say to a child who self harms.

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bubbleFAQsFinding out your child has been self harming can be one of the most terrifying experiences. The first reaction for most parents is anger. You might ask yourself “Why is this happening?”, “Who is responsible?”  You might even blame yourself or your partner. Being confronted with the reality that your child is intentionally hurting herself is a scary one.

Here are a few things to remember:

  1. Do not yell or punish. Your child may naturally feel that you are “against” her. Oftentimes self harming is used as a tool to self soothe, and we all know that yelling is not at all soothing to someone who is already in pain. Instead offer healthy alternatives, not as a reward, but rather to let your child know you are willing to work with them.
  2. Respond in a calm way–even though you may feel like screaming. Take a moment (or a few) to compose yourself. Practice some deep breathing. Remember that you are the parent. It is imperative that you remain in control. By remaining calm you are not condoning the behavior. You are coming from a stable place that is more likely to ensure open communication with your child.
  3. Do not give in. While self harm is often a sign of extreme internal suffering, it can also be used as a tool to get certain “needs” met. You may often hear people referring to self harm as “manipulative”, and while some children may use this as a manipulation, this is not the case for all children who self harm. Whatever the intent, we do not want to reinforce this behavior by giving in.
  4. Talk openly with your child by starting a conversation. Openly express your feelings. Try using “I feel statements”. For example “I feel scared when you harm yourself, I need you to come to me next time you feel like hurting yourself”. Acknowledge your child’s pain. You can say “I see that you are suffering” or “I am sorry that you felt like you had to do that. What do you need right now?”
  5. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, educate yourself. Do your own research and consult with professionals. Keep your child’s psychiatrist, therapist and primary care doctor up to date on anything concerning your child’s mental health. If you do not have a mental health provider and you are unsure of what to do, take your child to your local crisis center or emergency room to request a mental health evaluation.

Always come from a place of love. Remember that you care about your child, which is why this can be so scary.  It is important to remember that you are not alone, and there are many parents out there working through these same issues. 

For more reading check out the  Adolescent Self Injury Foundation, which has great tips for kids and parents affected by self injury. You can also search for articles on Psych Central and Psychology Today.

Filed Under: communication, parents, self harm, teens Tagged With: , , , , , ,