Why You Should Practice Making Mistakes

September 23, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

Perfectionism promises excellence—but all too often, it delivers anxiety and self-doubt. What if part of the cure is doing the opposite of perfect?

What if making mistakes on purpose could actually help you grow stronger?

Why Perfectionism Holds You Back

Perfectionists set extremely high standards and often believe that self-worth depends on meeting them. Fear of mistakes keeps you stuck: you procrastinate, overwork, or avoid taking any action unless conditions are “just right.” Many experts believe that perfectionism is closely tied to shame. For example, if I do this perfectly, I can avoid criticism and therefore shame.

When things don’t go perfectly, self-criticism spikes, and the internal dialogue can become harsh: you blame yourself, second-guess your decisions, and ruminate on what went wrong.

Exposure Therapy: A Tool from Psychology

In therapy, there’s a technique called exposure therapy — the idea is to slowly and intentionally face what makes you anxious or afraid, learning to handle it over time. Gradually, the fear loses its power. You desensitize yourself to what was causing so much anxiety.

Applied to perfectionism, one approach is to practice making mistakes. Doing so teaches you that you can survive imperfection, that discomfort doesn’t kill you, and that sometimes, things turn out okay even when they aren’t “perfect.”

How to Practice “Mistake Exposures”

Here are some small steps to try:

Send an email with a minor typo.
Let an assignment be “good enough” instead of endlessly editing it.
Share an unfinished draft with a colleague or group member without obsessing over design or details.
Try a new activity, knowing you might look silly.
Create something imperfect.

Click here for a more extensive list

Each time, notice what happens. Are people mad? Probably not. Does your anxiety spike? Maybe. But you’ll learn you can cope. Over time, the anxiety lessens, and you grow confidence. A great mantra for anxiety is “I can handle this.”

What Research Tells Us

Recent studies show that intentional failure helps reduce the fear of mistakes. In one experiment, perfectionistic participants intentionally made errors (e.g., spelling mistakes, messing up tasks) so they could get used to being imperfect. Over time, they reported fewer fears, less avoidance, and less distress when things didn’t go “just right.” (Psychology Today)

Putting It Into Practice (Tips)

Start small. Begin with low-stakes mistakes — don’t jump straight to sending a public presentation with glaring errors.
Plan exposures. Decide beforehand what you’ll allow yourself to mess up and how you’ll handle the discomfort.
Practice self-compassion. Whether the mistake is intentional or accidental, treat yourself kindly. You’re doing valuable work.
Reflect. After an exposure, write or think: What did I feel? What was worse than I imagined? What was better? What did I learn?

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism isn’t just a drive for excellence — it keeps you trapped from living the life you want. Making mistakes on purpose is your way out. It’s a way to reclaim your power, to see yourself as human, capable, and resilient. You deserve to live a life where “good enough” doesn’t feel like failure — it feels like freedom.

If you’re feeling “not good enough” or find yourself obsessing over how others perceive you, I can help. I have openings for new clients and would love to support you on this journey. Feel free to hit the Contact button to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, teens, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: anxiety, CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, mental health, perfectionism, teens

Making Peace with the Unknown: How to Handle Life’s Uncertainty

September 17, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

Why Uncertainty Feels Hard

Uncertainty is one of the hardest things for our brains to handle. We crave control, clear answers, and knowing what’s coming next. When life feels unpredictable — whether it’s waiting for test results, navigating a new job, or figuring out a relationship — our minds can go into overdrive, trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces.

But here’s the truth: life is full of uncertainty. Learning to tolerate it — not just push through it, but actually live well with it — is one of the most powerful skills you can build.

Why Our Brains Struggle with the Unknown

Our brains are prediction machines, wired to scan for danger and make plans. This survival mechanism was helpful in the past, but in today’s world, it often leads to unnecessary anxiety.

Lack of control triggers anxiety. We think that if we can just plan well enough, we can prevent bad things from happening. This false belief can intensify distress, especially when things go wrong despite our best efforts.

We exhaust ourselves trying to “figure it out.” Overthinking, Googling obsessively, ruminating, and seeking reassurance are all ways we try to avoid the discomfort of not knowing.

The Cost of Avoiding Uncertainty

Avoiding uncertainty comes at a price. Constantly checking emails, texts, and social media may feel soothing temporarily, but it actually ramps up anxiety over time. Overthinking and over-researching can lead to analysis paralysis, keeping us stuck and preventing action.

Trying to control the future is like running through a maze with no exit — because there’s no way to know anything for certain. The more we chase certainty, the more trapped and exhausted we feel.

Practical Strategies for Tolerating Uncertainty

1. Name It
Say to yourself, “I do not know what comes next. I am dealing with uncertainty.” Naming it helps your brain step back and observe rather than react. Most of life is uncertain — yet every day, you manage to get through it.

2. Shift Your Focus to the Present
When the outcome is beyond your control, focus on what is within your control today. One small, grounding action — a walk, a breathing exercise, or tidying a space — can keep you anchored in the present.

3. Practice “Uncertainty Exposures”
Like with perfectionism, you can build tolerance by practicing uncertainty in safe ways:

Go to a new restaurant without checking the menu first.
Send an email with a small typo.
Let a text sit unanswered for an hour.
Resist checking tracking info for an order.

Each time you do this, you learn that discomfort doesn’t last forever — and the worst-case scenario rarely happens.

4. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts
Do a quick brain dump of anxious or racing thoughts. Then ask yourself:

“What am I telling myself right now?”
“Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. This practice helps you identify which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

5. Practice Self-Compassion
Remind yourself: It’s normal to feel anxious about uncertainty. Everyone struggles with it at times. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re human.

Reframing Uncertainty

Uncertainty doesn’t always mean something bad is coming — it simply means the future is still unwritten. “Anything could happen” is a neutral statement, open to multiple possibilities.

Sometimes what you fear turns out better than you imagined. If you always knew the outcome, life would be pretty predictable — maybe even boring. Resilience grows when we face what we can’t control and still move forward.

Moving Forward

Uncertainty may never feel completely comfortable, but it can become tolerable — and even become a place where growth happens. Each time you choose to sit with not knowing, you build strength, patience, and courage. Over time, uncertainty transforms from a threat into an open door, inviting you to step forward with confidence.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, Mindfulness, perfectionism, Self Awareness, Therapy Tagged With: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, perfectionism, stress management, teen therapy, uncertainty

4 Ways to Break Free from the Cycle of Perfectionism

September 11, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

The Perfectionism Trap

You see it everywhere — on your Insta feed, in group chats, in the way people talk about their endless to-do lists and self-improvement goals. You’re told to eat cleaner, work harder, travel more, work out more, glow up, and somehow have the time and energy to have fun. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

Perfectionism tricks you into thinking that if you just hit the next goal — lose 10 pounds, pick the perfect career, and keep your skincare routine flawless — then you’ll finally feel okay. But is this actually making you happy, or just making you tired?

What Perfectionism Does to You

Living in “must be perfect” mode doesn’t just push you to work harder — it can wear you down. You might notice:

Beating yourself up for tiny mistakes.
Trouble relaxing because there’s always “more” you should be doing.
Comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel and feeling behind.
Pushing yourself until you burn out — then blaming yourself for being tired.

Perfectionism can feel productive, but it’s often fueled by fear — fear of failing, fear of not measuring up, or fear of being “too much” or “not enough.” According to an article in Psychology Today, “Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences.”

How to Break the Cycle

The good news? Perfectionism doesn’t have to run your life. You can have big goals and show yourself some grace along the way.

Here are four practical tools to help you step out of the perfectionism trap:

1. Ground Yourself

Stop. Put your phone down. Take one deep, slow breath. Give yourself five seconds and just pause.

This is your reset button — a chance to step off autopilot and decide what actually matters right now. In this moment, remind yourself: you are safe. Nothing is on fire.

2. Ask What YOU Want

Perfectionism is sneaky — it makes you chase what you think you’re supposed to want. Pause and ask:

“Is this really for me, or because I think I should?”
“What do I actually want for my life right now?”

Then act on it. Add in the things that bring you joy, even if they feel “cringe” or unconventional. Your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.

3. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts

When your mind feels noisy, try a quick brain dump: write down every anxious, judgmental, or racing thought swirling around. Then take a moment to reflect:

“What am I telling myself right now?”
“Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. Writing them out helps you notice which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

4. Practice Making Mistakes

One of the best ways to loosen perfectionism’s grip is to practice making mistakes — on purpose. This is a form of exposure therapy, where we intentionally face the things that trigger us, little by little, to build resilience.

For perfectionism, this might look like:

Sending an email with a small typo.
Posting a photo on social media that isn’t perfectly curated or facetuned.
Submitting an assignment that is “good enough” instead of endlessly revising it.

Each time you do this, you teach your brain that imperfection is survivable — and often, not nearly as catastrophic as it feels in the moment.

When to Talk to Someone

If perfectionism is affecting your mental health, relationships, or ability to enjoy life, it may be time to reach out for support.

Therapy can help you understand where this pressure is coming from, quiet negative self-talk, and build tools to live a life that actually feels good — not just one that looks good.

If you are struggling with feeling “not good enough”, please do not hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone!

Click here if you are ready to get started.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, social media, teens, Therapy Tagged With: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, perfectionism, shame, teens, young adult

To the twenty-something who feels stuck

August 9, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

You feel like you aren’t where you should be.

You finished school but things don’t feel right. For some reason, you thought you would be fully “adulting” by now but instead, you feel lost and unsure of your next steps. You were able to work hard in school but now it’s a struggle to get up off the couch. Maybe you can still go to your job but it feels like there is something missing. You feel like you can’t enjoy your life. Where is that drive you once had?

You might feel like you aren’t living up to everyone’s expectations.

Maybe you feel like you are letting your parents down or perhaps you are realizing that what your parents see for you is different than what you want for yourself. It doesn’t help watching your peers’ successes posted all over social media. You know for sure you are not fulfilling your potential.

It shouldn’t be this hard, right?

What you are experiencing is not at all uncommon. Your twenties can be an overwhelming and scary time. You are expected to be an adult, but at the same time, you have never had to be on your own before. Managing responsibilities like paying bills, grocery shopping and showing up to work, not to mention basic self-care can be difficult. The passage into adulthood is a challenge to navigate. For some people, achievements like completing high school or college can be liberating, but for others, no longer having that structure can be incredibly daunting. But these transitions do not have to be paralyzing.

What if you were able to feel motivated and inspired to get out there? How would it feel to have a life that made you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What if you felt happy? What if you felt like things were falling into place and you were right where you were supposed to be?

As cheesy as it sounds, there is only one of you. You have gifts and talents that no one else has. You don’t have to struggle alone. You just need the support to move forward.

The young adults I have worked with benefit from a perception change.

So what is getting in your way?

A pattern of negative thinking. Your thoughts influence your feelings and behaviors. If you don’t pay attention to what you are telling yourself, it will be hard to make any kind of change. One distorted thinking pattern that can get in the way of positive change is “all or nothing” or “black and white” thinking. Thinking in these terms means you see people or events in extremes. This type of thinking may cause you to categorize things as “good” or “bad” instead of seeing the gray area. Another distorted thinking pattern is labeling. You may label yourself as “a loser” or “a failure”. Labeling yourself as “unmotivated” or “lazy” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help get to the core of these distorted thinking patterns and equip you with the tools you need to challenge your own thinking.
The belief that everything is going to be perfect. News flash- nothing in life is ever going to be “perfect”. Additionally, no human being is immune from making mistakes. If you wait for everything to line up the way you believe it should, you may be waiting forever. Sometimes you need to take action. Mindfulness can be an antidote to perfectionism because it allows us to see things as they are without judgment.
Self-sabotage. Often we deal with feelings of shame and self-doubt by self-medicating. Whether it be with food, alcohol, or even Netflix. Using these things to cope can feel good. Duh, that’s why people use them, right? They are a quick fix. However, when you constantly go to the quick fix, it can become way too easy to shy away from developing the healthy coping skills that may involve more work. Long term use of unhealthy coping skills can also lead to emotional and health related consequences.
An underlying mental health diagnosis. Depression and anxiety can cause debilitating symptoms that may look like a lack of drive. Symptoms like fatigue and hopelessness can be incapacitating. Unfortunately, people who are struggling with addiction are often seen as lacking the willpower to change. Symptoms of ADHD are often disguised as laziness. The truth is, these serious diagnoses are not your fault and should be treated by a mental health professional.
The belief that it is not okay to ask for help. Does this statement sound familiar- “I should be able to handle this”? Whether you are having trouble with independent living or just feeling stuck, you CAN ask for help. Most successful people have had plenty of help along the way. You have been trying to do this on your own long enough and it is not working. Remember “if nothing changes, nothing changes”.

You don’t have to stay stuck.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, self-esteem, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: cognitive behavioral therapy, depression, mental health, millennial, motivation, stuck, substance abuse, young adult

5 Reasons You Should Give Therapy a Try

June 15, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Why Therapy?

Whether or not you are suffering from a diagnosed mental health condition, therapy can be a helpful tool. Life is full of surprises. Changes in health, family dynamics or a romantic relationship can be difficult to navigate. Seeking support from a mental health professional, outside of your family or friends, should never be viewed as something to be ashamed of. As humans, social interaction is an important component to mental health. The idea that you should be able to deal with certain pains in life on your own is a false one.

Here are a few ways therapy can help:

You get an outside perspective. Having an objective person share their observations during a personal dilemma is often helpful, especially when you may be too emotionally invested to see the big picture. For some, it can be difficult to admit that we are struggling, even to our closest companions. Your therapist is legally and ethically obligated to keep your information and what you share in session confidential. Additionally, your therapist can hold you accountable so you can stay on track with your goals.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help. One of the hallmarks of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is identifying the negative thinking patterns that can distort our reality. A CBT oriented therapist can help her patient to recognize these thought distortions. CBT also points to the relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If you can change your thinking, eventually you can change your response to certain distressing situations.
The power of the relationship. Carl Rogers, the father of “person-centered” or humanistic therapy, posits that there are three essential ingredients of a successful therapeutic relationship – unconditional positive regard, genuineness, and empathy. The act of stating your feelings out loud to another person can help you to hear what you are actually saying and feel like a release. For this reason, having a nonjudgemental person there to hold the space can be therapeutic in and of itself.
Therapy can give you tools for dealing with life. Maybe you have some bad habits you are trying to break or you are tired of blowing up at your significant other. A trained mental health professional can help you identify coping strategies to manage difficult encounters. In therapy, time can be spent exploring certain triggers, communication patterns and automatic negative thoughts which could be at the root of these maladaptive behaviors.
Therapy rewires the brain. The results are well documented. People who engage in therapy become more self-aware, report increased self-esteem and develop more positive habits. Over time, therapy can change the way you think. Why? Recognizing your own thought patterns is the first step to changing them.

Some things to keep in mind:

Therapy is a process, not a quick fix. In most therapy settings, the goal is for the client to be able to implement changes in their life, outside of the office. A successful therapy case takes work from both therapist and client. It can take some time to build a relationship with your therapist and for a lot of people, it may take some time to find someone who is a good fit.

If you are struggling, ask for help. Remember you don’t have to do anything alone.

10 things you can do today for increased happiness

March 16, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Happiness?

As a therapist, I often hear clients of all ages tell me: “I want to feel happier”. Many are struggling with symptoms of depression or anxiety, and some are having trouble accepting their current circumstances. I have to ask: “What would happy feel like?”. A lot of people have trouble answering this question. Happiness can mean different things for different people. When I think of happiness, words like joy, gratitude, and contentment come to mind. While this is my conception of the word, it may not be another’s. As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I help my clients explore their own thinking patterns, while also dissecting how those patterns impact behavior. As a yoga teacher, I also have to explore the mind-body connection.

Below is a list of ten simple tools you can incorporate into your daily life to improve your mood, and set you on your path to happiness:

Refraining from complaining– Pause and ask yourself “Am I living in the problem? Or am I living in the solution?”. Feeding the problem will only make it bigger. What does feeding the problem look like? Complaining to other people, and wallowing in self-pity. We have all been there. Rather than turning to negative thinking and adding to the problem, focus on being in the solution. Being solution oriented means asking for help, being willing to take suggestions, and taking small steps toward change.
Mind your body– Pay attention to your habits. What are you feeding your body? Are you hydrated? Are you exercising? All of these factors have a huge impact on mood. Avoid processed foods and start carrying a water bottle. Start an exercise routine, and this doesn’t mean you have to wake up at 5 AM or join an overpriced gym. Schedule a walk outside with a friend or make time to practice some yoga at home. Also, take care of any pain or chronic health issues by consulting with your primary care physician.
Stop comparing– Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. First of all, no two people are exactly alike. As an identical twin, I should know. So why do we constantly compare ourselves to others? Everyone has their own unique story and a different set of problems. Do not fall into the comparison trap. Comparing yourself to another person is a futile exercise.
Say “yes” and say “no”- Say “yes” to the things you enjoy and surround yourself with people who lift you up. Be open to new experiences even if they seem scary at the time—this is how we grow, and get happier. Say “no” to the things you cannot fit into your schedule and to people who drain you of energy.
Avoid mind wandering– Sometimes, when we let our negative thinking take over, we can end up overthinking and spiraling into unpleasant stories. Our minds are designed to scan for threats. So how do we enjoy our lives despite this negativity bias? One way is to try to stay more present for your life. This could mean having a daily meditation practice, pausing to notice your breath or simply doing one thing at a time.
Check your “emotional hygiene”– Watch how you talk to yourself. Negative self-talk can hugely impact mood. What does negative self-talk look like? “I am a loser”, “No one will ever ask me out”, and “I will never be happy with the way I look”. Just like we have to clean our bodies and watch what we eat, we also should be watching what we feed our minds. Positive affirmations and a daily gratitude practice can be a great way to counter negative self-talk.
Gratitude- As stated above, a daily gratitude practice has been linked with happier lives in general and can be a great tool to counter negative self-talk. Your gratitude practice could be writing down 5 things you are grateful for, telling your support people that you are thankful for their presence or taking the time to thank your god/higher power/deity/universe when something good happens.
Get outside-There is a reason a lot of hospitals use pictures of nature and plants to add to the decor. Because research shows that being outside in nature can have a positive impact on mood. Studies indicate that spending time in nature can combat rumination- repetitively or obsessively thinking about one’s negative feelings.
Make sure you are getting enough sleep- I shared this in a previous blog post, and if you don’t believe me, you can google it. Sleep impacts mood. The CDC recommends 8 to 10 hours of sleep for adolescents and at least 7 hours of sleep for adults. If you are not getting enough sleep, you are going to be tired, irritable and feel drained. Because sleep directly affects your mood, it can have a significant impact on your personal pursuit of happiness
Self-soothe- Finally, give yourself some love. Why? Because you are worth it! Take a bath, listen to a guided meditation, read a book, smell some essential oils or book a massage. Make it a routine and if you have to- put a reminder on your phone.

Remember if you are struggling with a mental health diagnosis always consult with a mental health professional. If you are having thoughts of suicide, call 911 or go to your nearest Emergency Room.

For further reading, check out the resources below.

TED Radio Hour- Simply Happy.

http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/267185371/simply-happy

CDC’s recommendations for sleep by age group.

https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/how_much_sleep.html

Standford News- how nature decreases depression.

http://news.stanford.edu/2015/06/30/hiking-mental-health-063015/

Filed Under: mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, Thoughts Tagged With: cognitive behavioral therapy, happiness, self care, self-talk