Therapy and Mindfulness

5 ways to survive the end of the school year

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How to survive the end of the school year | Therapy & Mindfulness Blog by Meghan Renzi | Teen Girls Therapy in Bethesda, Maryland 20814

5 ways to survive the end of the school year.

The end of the school year can be rough. April and May are typically the busiest months for mental health professionals. Interestingly enough, April is Stress Awareness Month and May is Mental Health Awareness Month! For many of the teens and college students who I work with, the end of the school year is a particularly stressful time—deadlines, a pressure to complete assignments that were put off and studying for finals. Maybe you are starting a new school in the fall or going away to college. The awareness that these transitions are approaching can also contribute to anxiety during the last few months of school…  And don’t disregard the fact that you have been in school for almost 9 months now and you are probably exhausted!

So how do you finish this marathon without burning out?

Here are 5 helpful tools:

  1. Keep things in perspective. Stressful situations are easier for most people when there is an endpoint in sight. Remember that you are nearing the end of the school year and the barrage of academic demands will end shortly. If you find yourself overwhelmed, it might be helpful to lower the expectations you are placing on yourself. Focus on getting your work done. Remember it does not have to be perfect.  Education, whether it is high school, college or grad school is a place for you to learn. It is okay to not have all the answers and make mistakes. If you knew everything 100% you wouldn’t need to be in school! Do the best you can with what is in front of you.
  2. Practice grounding. When anxiety takes over your brain, it can be extremely difficult to think rationally. Panic symptoms can cause you to go into fight or flight mode, which is not using your higher level thinking. So how do you get your logical brain back onboard? Hit the pause and let yourself just be. Feel your feet on the ground. Notice your surroundings. The 5,4,3, 2,1 game can be a great way to bring yourself back to the here and now. Scan your current environment for 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, listen for 3 things you can hear, find 2 things to smell and 1 thing to taste. This grounding exercise can be a quick way to bring you back to the present moment. 
  3. Let yourself feel your feelings. It is okay to feel angry, “over it”, tired, disappointed or sad. Whatever you are feeling, allow yourself to feel it. Feelings are feelings, they are not good or bad and there is no reason to suppress how you are feeling. Let yourself Ride the wave, in other words, let yourself surf the intense emotion rather than trying to change it. Remember, no emotion is permanent, allow yourself to experience what you are feeling in the moment without judgment.
  4. Schedule activities to look forward to. I think by now most people are aware that positive incentives can increase motivation. Whether or not your grades are where you want them to be, you worked hard this year, so give yourself a reward. Examples of rewards could be getting a massage or pedicure, planning a dinner date with some friends or taking a weekend trip that you’ve been putting off.
  5. Join a group. Having some accountability can be super helpful if you are struggling to stay motivated during these last few weeks of school. Being with peers can also provide a safe place to vent about what is bothering you and see that you are not alone. Group members can often provide helpful solutions, sharing what has worked for them. Group therapy can also be a great place to share your feelings in a safe supportive setting, without the threat of judgment.

It can be so hard to keep the momentum going at this juncture. Give yourself a break, let yourself feel, be where you are and talk it out. There is a light at the end of this tunnel!

Feel free to post any other tips you have for surviving the end of the school year.

Teen girls- contact me if you are interested in joining a therapy group this summer.

Further reading:

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

Motivation Makeover

Ride the Wave

5 Ways Group Can Change Your Teen’s Life

Filed Under: Beliefs, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, group, group therapy, mental health, Mindfulness, teenagers, Therapy, Thoughts

5 Ways Group Can Change Your Teen’s Life

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your teen had deeper social connections? And I don’t mean over social media. I mean real face to face human contact! Technology is amazing. In many ways, we are more “connected” than ever. We can keep in touch with friends we haven’t seen in years and we can chat with people across the globe. Even some Therapists are moving to an online platform for providing services. It makes one wonder what implications these innovations have for human connection.

Why are more and more people reporting a deep sense of loneliness? 

We are living in a time where you have the option to be more socially isolated. Now think about your teen. It can be way more comfortable (and accessible) to make connections online than in person. So chances are a good percentage of what your child digests about the world and other people is from social media. Your daughter looks at her friends’ Snapchat stories and sees peers posting seemingly perfect avatars. She sees her Instagram feed showing airbrushed models and friends displaying a filtered version of an average, awkward teenage existence.

So how do you convince your kid that what she sees online is not always reality? How do you help your girl to see that she is not alone— that there are other girls who are going through almost the exact same thing? Afterall, there are not a lot of teens modeling failure or vulnerability on Instagram.

Your teen needs true social connection.

It may sound obvious but lack of face to face connection can lead to increased feelings of loneliness, especially among the adolescent population. Adolescents are in a stage of development where peer acceptance becomes especially important. The need to feel a part of the group can cause some teens to go against their own values in order to be accepted. Feeling alone and isolated can be incredibly painful during the teenage years. Has your daughter ever said “No one understands me”, “I will never fit in”, or “No one else at my school has to deal with this”? More often than not, we tend to view our own problems as unique.

Social Connection improves your overall health.

Research shows that social connection is the number one indicator of good mental health. “Dozens of studies have shown that people who have satisfying relationships with family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer. Conversely, a relative lack of social ties is associated with depression and later-life cognitive decline, as well as with increased mortality” (Harvard Health Publications, 2010). Positive social connections refer to quality relationships—  people you can be real with, people who support you and accept you just as you are. Positive social connections are an integral part of psychological wellness at all stages of life. Why? Because human beings are social creatures. Historically, being connected has been a huge part of our survival. 

The magic happens when the mask comes off. 

Group therapy can be a great place to start making these social connections. The group is an amazing treatment modality. Participants can build healthy connections with peers and have a safe place to share what is really going on. When members are honest, they find that they actually relate to one another on a deeper level.

Here are 5 benefits of group therapy:

  1. Groups help build a social connection.

     As stated earlier, having satisfying relationships is an integral part of mental health. Group therapy can bring people together with similar issues and thus “relating in” can happen pretty quickly. With the help of a facilitator, group members can share struggles, listen and oftentimes explore solutions. Being in a group setting will also help your daughter enhance her social skills, which can mean being a better friend, partner, and teammate.  

  2. Group fosters a sense of belonging. 

    It may not be easy for your teen to let her guard down in her everyday life but in a group, opening up about what is bothering you is encouraged. Vulnerability is where connection happens. Vulnerability means letting the real you shine through.  It is about belonging, not fitting in. Brene Brown discusses the difference between fitting in and belonging in her book, the Gifts of Imperfection. Brown states “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming what you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are”. 

  3. Your teen has a chance to give back and feel useful.

     Group can give your child a unique opportunity to give and get support. Group members can be a sounding board for your teen. Often, members who are further along in the group process can offer different perspectives. What’s more, research shows that giving back in a way that feels useful, like offering support to another group members, can do wonders for one’s self-esteem.

  4. Your teen can get extra support and accountability.

    I have heard this from almost every parent I work with— “She doesn’t listen to me, I guess she needs to hear it from someone else”. The reality is that your teen is more likely to be open with peers rather than adults. Group members hold one another accountable and will call each other out. Peer pressure can work in a positive way in a group setting where peers share similar goals. It is also so helpful for teens to get validation and support from peers.

  5. She may feel better faster.

    Being a part of a community and having a sense of belonging can have remarkable healing effects. Group therapy has often been compared to having a mirror held up. Being among peers struggling with similar issues can give your teen a place where she can “see herself” and with that see opportunities for growth and change. As a result, suffering can be reduced in less time. 

Does Group replace individual therapy?

Group does not have to replace individual therapy. Many find that group is a helpful supplement to individual therapy. In addition, the group can be a place to practice some skills from individual therapy. From an economic perspective, a group can be less expensive than individual therapy and, for many mental health issues, just as effective as individual therapy. Many find that group therapy is all they need to start getting relief.

Where do I find a group for my teen?

Ask a mental health professional like your child’s therapist or psychiatrist. Many therapy practices offer group therapy, including my own. Often getting a personal recommendation from someone you trust can be best. You can also ask your child’s pediatrician or school counselor. Obviously, there is a wealth of information online. Psychology today is a great resource. You can search for local group therapy resources.

So maybe your daughter is scared to join a group. The fear of being judged can be paralyzing. The good news is your daughter is probably already in some kind of group, whether it is a sports team, club or even a class. Encourage your daughter to get out of her comfort zone. Share with her some of the health benefits of positive social connections. Remember— If nothing changes, nothing changes. Group therapy can be a powerful container for change.

Further reading

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

“Social Relationships and Health” National Institutes of Health 

“Power in Numbers” The American Psychological Association

“Can Relationships Boost Longevity and Well-being?” Harvard Health Publishing

“The Importance of Being Social” Scientific American 

 

Filed Under: group, mental health, Mind Body Connection, parenting, self-esteem, social media, teenagers, teens, Therapy

We can’t stay silent on the topic of teen suicide. What parents and teens can do.

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Over the past few weeks, our community has been rocked by 2 teen suicides. Both teens were students at prominent Bethesda High Schools. These tragedies are becoming all too common. We hear about it on the news and over social media. According to Mary Anderson, spokeswoman for the Montgomery County Department of Health and Human Services, there have been 5 teen suicides in Montgomery County this year.

There is certainly speculation about the correlation between social media and the rise in child and teen suicides in this country. Cyberbullying, a relatively new phenomenon, has become a major source of stress for today’s teen. There is pressure to present a certain image to the outside world, while what is going on inside often remains hidden.  In the Washington DC area, in particular, there is an inordinate amount of value placed on achievement. According to a 2017 article in Forbes magazine, Washington DC is the 2nd most educated city in the United States. The comparison trap is a dangerous one. For emotionally fragile teens, the pressure to succeed is magnified. While we may not be able to change the culture, we can certainly change our attitude towards it. 

Facts about Teen Suicide:

  • Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
  • Teens are more likely to tell a peer, rather than an adult if they are having thoughts of suicide.
  • Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment (NAMI).
  • There is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes (CDC).
  • “Among teenagers, suicide attempts may be associated with feelings of stress, self-doubt, the pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. For some teens, suicide may appear to be a solution to their problems” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry).

What parents can do:

  1. Talk to your kids. Parents need to talk about this. Of course, it is uncomfortable to talk about suicide. Many parents worry that bringing up the topic of suicide will ignite those ideations in their child. However, just like sex and drugs, teen suicide is a reality in the world today. Let your child know that they can come to you with anything. Ask open-ended questions. Let them know how you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Having an open conversation about suicide will help your child feel more comfortable coming to you for help.
  2. Watch for warning signs. It is so important for parents to know what to watch for when it comes to suicide risk factors. Withdrawal from peers, hopelessness, loss of interest, a decline in hygiene, use of drugs and alcohol as a means to escape, hypersomnia or lack of sleep, and loss of appetite are just some of the warning signs. In addition, you may notice personality changes and increased feelings of apathy (for example– a “who cares” or “nothing matters” attitude).
  3. Ask for help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, go to a mental health professional for guidance or join a parent support group. You don’t have to do it alone. When your child has a physical ailment, you take them to the doctor. You aren’t expected to fix a medical problem on your own. The same goes for psychiatric issues. If you are worried about your child’s mental health, professional help is a must. While it may look like something that is in your child’s control, it is not. There is a common misconception that people with depression and thoughts of suicide can simply snap out of it.

What teens can do:

  1. Talk about your own experience and break the silence. We live in a world where so much of our private lives have been made public. However, there are still certain things that we tend to keep to ourselves. Most of us have been programmed to feel shame when it comes to mental health issues. What if we felt open to share how we actually felt? What if you shared that you go to therapy, experience anxiety or are having issues with depression? You don’t have to feed into the stigma. Mental health issues are a reality.
  2. Don’t add to the problem, be a part of the solution. If you see something, say something– whether it is bullying over social media or noticing warning signs of depression in a friend. If you know someone who is suffering, offer support and tell a trusted adult, like a parent or guidance counselor. Staying silent only feeds into the problem.
  3. Join a group or start a group.
    Groups can be a great place to open up and share what is really going on in a safe supportive environment. Whether it is a peer-led self-help group or a group run by a therapist or counselor, hearing other people’s stories can help you to see that you are not in this alone. A group setting can provide a place for you to “relate in” and learn how others were able to manage similar issues.

Remember if you or a friend are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone you trust. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. Asking for help takes courage but there is support available if you need it.

Resources

Facts About Suicide

References

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, group, mental health, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self harm, self-esteem, social media, suicide, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts

To the Teen Already Suffering From Anxiety: How to Process Tragic Events.

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If you are a teen growing up in today’s world, chances are you feel constantly bombarded with information, often bad news. After the mass shooting in Las Vegas, I thought about how some of my adolescent and young adult patients would respond. Most of the young people I work with are already dealing with anxiety on some level. I have to reflect on how I would have processed such a scary assault back when I was a teenager. I recall being in high school during the 9/11 terrorist attack and how terrifying that was for my peers and me. The news coverage back then seemed neverending. The world certainly changed after that day in 2001 but the terror has not stopped.

Today we have even more access to information thanks to the internet. You see coverage of hurricanes, war, violent protests and mass shootings. Here is the scary part: we cannot predict what will happen next. Sometimes it might feel like everywhere you look there is devastation. So how do you manage panic? How do you send your body the message that right now you are safe?

Here are 3 things you can do to take back your control.

1. Limit your social media and news. Social media often becomes a place for people to voice their opinions after such tragedies. While raising awareness of the issues is great, it’s not uncommon for Facebook and Twitter to become a battleground for opposing political opinions. Watching these arguments can give rise to emotions like anger, frustration, and fear. While these emotions are not “bad”, constantly feeding them can create more anxiety and stress in your body.

In terms of watching the news, there is no need to be checking on what is happening 24/7. Seeing terror on the television or watching videos online can cause a traumatic response in the viewer and increase panic symptoms.

2. Practice grounding. Our bodies respond to stress by going into fight, flight or freeze mode. While you may not be in any physical danger currently, your physical response may tell you that you are. Bringing yourself back into your body, in the present moment, can be a great way to get out of your head. One tool I teach my clients on a regular basis is the 5,4,3,2,1 game. I advise clients to come back into the here and now by noticing 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell and 1 thing they can taste. This practice can help you to become more present instead of ruminating over the past or worrying about what the future holds. Other helpful grounding practices are belly breathing and physical contact– (like hugging friends, family, and pets).

Remember in this moment you are safe.

3. Do something. It can be easy to write a post about how you feel on social media. It may require more effort to enact bigger change. Start a fundraiser at your high school, raise awareness in your community about the issues or write your congressmen. Click on the links below for ways to help the those affected by the recent hurricanes and the victims of the shooting in Las Vegas.

Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands

Las Vegas

Finally, if you notice any anxiety, trauma or mood symptoms worsening, you may need help from a mental health professional. Tell your parent or caregiver that you are struggling and know that help is available. You don’t have to do anything alone!

Further reading:

Children and Trauma. From the American Psychological Association

How to deal with Traumatic News from CNN

Helping Gifted and Highly Sensitive Teens Cope with Trauma

Filed Under: mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, social media, technology, teenagers, teens, Therapy

Your Questions Answered: How Yoga Can Help Your Mental Health.

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What is Yoga?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say “I can’t do yoga I am not flexible”. The truth is yoga is not just about the poses! The word “yoga” actually comes from the phrase “to yoke” or to bring together. Yoga is a way to connect mind, body, and breath. Because this mindful practice includes breath control, centering, and physical movement, it is often referred to as a “moving meditation”. Yoga does not have to be bending into a pretzel or that classic image of svelte models effortlessly floating into dancer pose.

The physical health benefits are numerous and well documented in medical journals. A regular yoga practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health, relief from chronic pain, arthritis and better sleep, in addition to improving muscle strength and posture. Awareness of breath helps you to slow down your thoughts and incorporate more body awareness.

Okay, so what about the mental health benefits?

Most people are aware that practicing yoga will calm your body down. Having a mindfulness practice can also encourage you to stay present with whatever is happening. Oftentimes we are wrapped up in what has happened in the past or what we believe will happen in the future. I can speak for myself when I say that I often get carried away with my thoughts, worries, and “What Ifs”.

Coming back into your breath can take the focus out of your head and into your body. Something magical happens when you connect with your body. Staying in the moment allows you be open to all of the wonderful possibilities your life has to offer.

How can yoga help my depression?

Most of us know that physical exercise is beneficial to one suffering from depression. Yoga is awesome because it incorporates mindfulness with the movement that does not have to be strenuous. Often in depression, the sufferer will experience lethargy, rumination, feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Practicing yoga and meditation can combat these symptoms and even increase production of feel-good chemicals in the brain like GABA,  dopamine, and serotonin. The practices of yoga and meditation have been noted to activate these neurotransmitters that help regulate mood.

What about my anxiety?

Yoga is a great exercise for someone dealing with anxiety. Often people who suffer from anxiety disorders are preoccupied with what is going on in their heads. Predicting unpleasant events and re-living uncomfortable situations are common for those who struggle with anxiety. Yoga allows space to notice that right now, in this moment, everything is okay. Patients who have been diagnosed with panic disorders and other anxiety disorders, typically have decreased GABA activity in the brain. The chemicals that are released in the brain during a yoga class have been compared to the effects of the Benzodiazepine class of anti-anxiety medication.

I am struggling with addiction. Can yoga help me?

Having a yoga practice can definitely be a helpful supplement to addiction treatment and recovery programs. As stated earlier, Yoga and other mindfulness practices can increase blissful chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin, which can be responsible for that post-yoga class euphoric feeling. Additionally, having a routine can be beneficial for anyone dealing with a mental health concern. Adding yoga to your schedule can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy in a positive way.

Do kids and teens benefit from yoga?

Absolutely. In fact, yoga can help children to be more aware of the way their bodies move, while also building comfort with those growing bodies. Teaching mindful movement and meditation to younger children will allow them to learn to focus and be present. Integrating breath and movement can also help with emotional regulation. For teens, yoga can help improve self-esteem by increasing body gratitude and building a sense of community.

How often should I practice?

If I could practice every day I totally would! I think incorporating some kind of mindful exercise whether it is meditation, yoga or prayer, can be a helpful way to start the day. If it starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to prioritize and look at what else is taking up your time. A lot of people find that the calm they feel after going to a yoga class or practicing yoga on their own is well worth it.

Remember that you get what you put in. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will reap the benefits.

Please let me know your thoughts and message me with any questions 🙂

Further Reading

From Harvard Health Publications- Yoga Benefits Beyond the Mat

Meditation and Yoga can Modulate Brain Mechanisms that affect Behavior and Anxiety-A Modern Scientific Perspective

From Mayo Clinic- Yoga: Fight Stress and Find Serenity

How might yoga help with depression? A neurobiological perspective. 

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel VanderKolk

Befriending your body: How yoga helps heal trauma

7 Ways Kids Benefit From Yoga

Filed Under: coping skills, mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, Self Awareness, self-esteem, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , ,

How to Make Worry Stones

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Worry Stones

I recently posted a photo of some “worry stones” I made on Instagram and I received a lot of positive feedback, as well as questions about how to make these magical stones.

I cannot take credit for the invention of worry stones. I learned about worry stones while working in a partial hospitalization program for adolescents. We made worry stones as a group activity and also gave them out as a distress tolerance tool for the teens.

A worry stone can be used as a grounding tool if you are feeling “up in your head”, angry or anxious. Rubbing a worry stone between your index finger and thumb can be a way to bring you make to the here and now.

A great thing about these worry stones is that they are small enough to fit in your pocket and the movement of rubbing your fingers together is so subtle that no one will even know you are using a coping skill! Also, the process of making worry stones can be therapeutic in and of itself.

Here is what you will need to make your very own batch of worry stones:

I purchase everything on Amazon but you can also go to your local craft store

Assorted colors of bakeable clay (I use Sculpy)

Sculpy glaze (optional)

Sparkles or Sparkle dust

An oven

A baking pan

Your hands

That’s it!

Okay, now how to make them….

  1. Preheat the oven to 275 degrees.
  2. Break a few pieces off of 2-4 colors and swirl together. (There is definitely a sweet spot in terms of when to stop mixing. Too much mixing can make the color turn out muddy).
  3. Roll your clay mixture into a ball a little larger than a quarter.
  4. Press your thumb into the ball so the piece of clay forms into a bowl shape but also gives you a nice spot to rub your thumb. (You can make as many as you want!!)
  5. Once you have made your worry stones you can place them on your baking sheet about 1 inch apart.
  6. Bake for 15 minutes.
  7. Once you have allowed your stones to cool, you can choose to add sparkle dust or your glaze.

Now that you are done, you can keep some for yourself or give them out as gifts!

Please send me a message and let me know how they turn out 🙂

Namaste.

 

Filed Under: Child, coping skills, mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, Self Awareness, teenagers, teens, Therapy Tagged With: , , , , , ,

To the twenty-something who feels stuck

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You feel like you aren’t where you should be.

You finished school but things don’t feel right. For some reason, you thought you would be fully “adulting” by now but instead, you feel lost and unsure of your next steps. You were able to work hard in school but now it’s a struggle to get up off the couch. Maybe you can still go to your job but it feels like there is something missing. You feel like you can’t enjoy your life. Where is that drive you once had?

You might feel like you aren’t living up to everyone’s expectations.

Maybe you feel like you are letting your parents down or perhaps you are realizing that what your parents see for you is different than what you want for yourself.  It doesn’t help watching your peers’ successes posted all over social media.  You know for sure you are not fulfilling your potential.

It shouldn’t be this hard, right?

What you are experiencing is not at all uncommon. Your twenties can be an overwhelming and scary time. You are expected to be an adult, but at the same time, you have never had to be on your own before. Managing responsibilities like paying bills, grocery shopping and showing up to work, not to mention basic self-care can be difficult. The passage into adulthood is a challenge to navigate. For some people, achievements like completing high school or college can be liberating, but for others, no longer having that structure can be incredibly daunting. But these transitions do not have to be paralyzing.

What if you were able to feel motivated and inspired to get out there? How would it feel to have a life that made you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What if you felt happy? What if you felt like things were falling into place and you were right where you were supposed to be?

As cheesy as it sounds, there is only one of you. You have gifts and talents that no one else has. You don’t have to struggle alone. You just need the support to move forward.

The young adults I have worked with benefit from a perception change.

So what is getting in your way?

  1. A pattern of negative thinking. Your thoughts influence your feelings and behaviors. If you don’t pay attention to what you are telling yourself, it will be hard to make any kind of change. One distorted thinking pattern that can get in the way of positive change is “all or nothing” or “black and white” thinking. Thinking in these terms means you see people or events in extremes. This type of thinking may cause you to categorize things as “good” or “bad” instead of seeing the gray area. Another distorted thinking pattern is labeling. You may label yourself as “a loser” or “a failure”. Labeling yourself as “unmotivated” or “lazy” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help get to the core of these distorted thinking patterns and equip you with the tools you need to challenge your own thinking.
  2. The belief that everything is going to be perfect. News flash- nothing in life is ever going to be “perfect”. Additionally, no human being is immune from making mistakes. If you wait for everything to line up the way you believe it should, you may be waiting forever. Sometimes you need to take action. Mindfulness can be an antidote to perfectionism because it allows us to see things as they are without judgment.
  3. Self-sabotage. Often we deal with feelings of shame and self-doubt by self-medicating. Whether it be with food, alcohol, or even Netflix. Using these things to cope can feel good. Duh, that’s why people use them, right? They are a quick fix. However, when you constantly go to the quick fix, it can become way too easy to shy away from developing the healthy coping skills that may involve more work. Long term use of unhealthy coping skills can also lead to emotional and health related consequences.
  4. An underlying mental health diagnosis. Depression and anxiety can cause debilitating symptoms that may look like a lack of drive. Symptoms like fatigue and hopelessness can be incapacitating. Unfortunately, people who are struggling with addiction are often seen as lacking the willpower to change. Symptoms of ADHD are often disguised as laziness. The truth is, these serious diagnoses are not your fault and should be treated by a mental health professional. 
  5. The belief that it is not okay to ask for help. Does this statement sound familiar- “I should be able to handle this”? Whether you are having trouble with independent living or just feeling stuck, you CAN ask for help. Most successful people have had plenty of help along the way. You have been trying to do this on your own long enough and it is not working. Remember “if nothing changes, nothing changes”.

You don’t have to stay stuck.

 

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, self-esteem, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How to be kinder to yourself

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We live in a society where workaholism is praised. Often, the media, our parents, our teachers and our bosses are sending the same message: work harder and you will meet your goals. As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, I must admit, I do buy into the idea that if I work harder I will get what I want. The truth is hard work doesn’t always pay off. Like most people, I get burned out. In addition to burn out, many can experience anxiety, “imposter syndrome”, and even paralyzing self-doubt when things don’t work out.

Even our children are taught to push themselves in order to be “the best”. One byproduct of this cultural norm is a society where an alarming percentage of young children are experiencing anxiety. This begs the question: What kind of example are we setting as adults? We work long hours, eat food “products” (that aren’t even real food), treat sleep like it is optional, are overscheduled and as a result feel undervalued. But feeling undervalued can start with your own mindset.

DO YOU VALUE YOURSELF?

Do you value yourself whether or not you get that promotion or get asked on a second date? Do you value yourself even though you skipped the gym today?

Are you giving yourself a break? Are you treating your body like the gift that it is?

The purpose of these questions is not to make you feel like you are failing but rather, to bring the idea of self-care back into your awareness.

Cut yourself some slack. The truth is that your “best” can look different from day to day. Recognize that you are going to have some days when you can give more than others. When you find yourself feeling irritable, sluggish or fatigued- it might be time to give yourself a break. Remember you wouldn’t be human if you felt the same way every minute of every day.

Below are 6 ways you can treat yourself with more kindness

  1. Get outside. Notice all the details. See all that is alive among the trees and wildlife. Nature has a healing effect on people. Experiencing something bigger than yourself can highlight the fact that there is more to life than what you are feeling at this moment.
  2. Treat yo self. Seriously, buy yourself a treat and savor it. Consume it mindfully. Whether it is a frappuccino from Starbucks, some chocolate or a freshly squeezed juice. And please don’t count the calories.
  3. Give your pet or kid a snuggle or ask for a hug from a friend. Human touch releases oxytocin, a bonding hormone. Studies show that oxytocin can help ease physical pain and emotional stress. 
  4. Notice your mistakes and EMBRACE them. Mistakes help us learn and remind us that we are human. Rather than beating yourself up every time you make an error, think in terms of a growth mindset. Try this thought on for size: If things stay status quo, I stay the same. If there is change, there is opportunity me to grow and get stronger.
  5. Allow yourself to unplug. Once upon a time, we lived in a world where cell phones did not exist. What would it be like if you weren’t readily available for everyone else? Being “on call” can feed anxious thoughts. The world will keep spinning even if you don’t respond to that text. What if you allowed things around you to happen without you interfering or constantly knowing what is going on in everyone else’s life? While social media has it’s benefits, it also feeds the tendency to compare your life to someone else’s. Remember what you see online is an edited, filtered avatar. No one’s life is perfect.
  6. Finally, applaud yourself for small victories. Did you schedule a Dr.’s appointment? Walk the dog? Pick up groceries for the week? Take the stairs? Go you! Celebrating these accomplishments can shift your mindset to a more positive one.

Further Reading

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

More about imposter syndrome

Benefits of Hugging 

Filed Under: Child, cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, self-esteem, Therapy, Thoughts, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

5 Reasons You Should Give Therapy a Try

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Why Therapy?

Whether or not you are suffering from a diagnosed mental health condition, therapy can be a helpful tool. Life is full of surprises. Changes in health, family dynamics or a romantic relationship can be difficult to navigate. Seeking support from a mental health professional, outside of your family or friends, should never be viewed as something to be ashamed of. As humans, social interaction is an important component to mental health. The idea that you should be able to deal with certain pains in life on your own is a false one.

Here are a few ways therapy can help:

  1. You get an outside perspective. Having an objective person share their observations during a personal dilemma is often helpful, especially when you may be too emotionally invested to see the big picture. For some, it can be difficult to admit that we are struggling, even to our closest companions. Your therapist is legally and ethically obligated to keep your information and what you share in session confidential. Additionally, your therapist can hold you accountable so you can stay on track with your goals.
  2. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help. One of the hallmarks of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is identifying the negative thinking patterns that can distort our reality. A CBT oriented therapist can help her patient to recognize these thought distortions. CBT also points to the relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If you can change your thinking, eventually you can change your response to certain distressing situations.
  3. The power of the relationship. Carl Rogers, the father of “person-centered” or humanistic therapy, posits that there are three essential ingredients of a successful therapeutic relationship – unconditional positive regard, genuineness, and empathy. The act of stating your feelings out loud to another person can help you to hear what you are actually saying and feel like a release. For this reason, having a nonjudgemental person there to hold the space can be therapeutic in and of itself.
  4. Therapy can give you tools for dealing with life. Maybe you have some bad habits you are trying to break or you are tired of blowing up at your significant other. A trained mental health professional can help you identify coping strategies to manage difficult encounters. In therapy, time can be spent exploring certain triggers, communication patterns and automatic negative thoughts which could be at the root of these maladaptive behaviors.
  5. Therapy rewires the brain. The results are well documented. People who engage in therapy become more self-aware, report increased self-esteem and develop more positive habits. Over time, therapy can change the way you think. Why? Recognizing your own thought patterns is the first step to changing them.

Some things to keep in mind:

Therapy is a process, not a quick fix. In most therapy settings, the goal is for the client to be able to implement changes in their life, outside of the office. A successful therapy case takes work from both therapist and client. It can take some time to build a relationship with your therapist and for a lot of people, it may take some time to find someone who is a good fit.

If you are struggling, ask for help. Remember you don’t have to do anything alone.

Further reading:

Understanding how psychotherapy works http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/understanding-psychotherapy.aspx

Psychotherapies https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/psychotherapies/index.shtml

Does cognitive behavioral therapy change the brain? A systematic review of neuroimaging in anxiety disorders. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19622682

The healing power of the therapeutic relationship http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/person-centered-rogerian-therapy/

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, relationship, Self Awareness, self-esteem, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , ,