Why You Should Practice Making Mistakes

September 23, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

Perfectionism promises excellence—but all too often, it delivers anxiety and self-doubt. What if part of the cure is doing the opposite of perfect?

What if making mistakes on purpose could actually help you grow stronger?

Why Perfectionism Holds You Back

Perfectionists set extremely high standards and often believe that self-worth depends on meeting them. Fear of mistakes keeps you stuck: you procrastinate, overwork, or avoid taking any action unless conditions are “just right.” Many experts believe that perfectionism is closely tied to shame. For example, if I do this perfectly, I can avoid criticism and therefore shame.

When things don’t go perfectly, self-criticism spikes, and the internal dialogue can become harsh: you blame yourself, second-guess your decisions, and ruminate on what went wrong.

Exposure Therapy: A Tool from Psychology

In therapy, there’s a technique called exposure therapy — the idea is to slowly and intentionally face what makes you anxious or afraid, learning to handle it over time. Gradually, the fear loses its power. You desensitize yourself to what was causing so much anxiety.

Applied to perfectionism, one approach is to practice making mistakes. Doing so teaches you that you can survive imperfection, that discomfort doesn’t kill you, and that sometimes, things turn out okay even when they aren’t “perfect.”

How to Practice “Mistake Exposures”

Here are some small steps to try:

Send an email with a minor typo.
Let an assignment be “good enough” instead of endlessly editing it.
Share an unfinished draft with a colleague or group member without obsessing over design or details.
Try a new activity, knowing you might look silly.
Create something imperfect.

Click here for a more extensive list

Each time, notice what happens. Are people mad? Probably not. Does your anxiety spike? Maybe. But you’ll learn you can cope. Over time, the anxiety lessens, and you grow confidence. A great mantra for anxiety is “I can handle this.”

What Research Tells Us

Recent studies show that intentional failure helps reduce the fear of mistakes. In one experiment, perfectionistic participants intentionally made errors (e.g., spelling mistakes, messing up tasks) so they could get used to being imperfect. Over time, they reported fewer fears, less avoidance, and less distress when things didn’t go “just right.” (Psychology Today)

Putting It Into Practice (Tips)

Start small. Begin with low-stakes mistakes — don’t jump straight to sending a public presentation with glaring errors.
Plan exposures. Decide beforehand what you’ll allow yourself to mess up and how you’ll handle the discomfort.
Practice self-compassion. Whether the mistake is intentional or accidental, treat yourself kindly. You’re doing valuable work.
Reflect. After an exposure, write or think: What did I feel? What was worse than I imagined? What was better? What did I learn?

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism isn’t just a drive for excellence — it keeps you trapped from living the life you want. Making mistakes on purpose is your way out. It’s a way to reclaim your power, to see yourself as human, capable, and resilient. You deserve to live a life where “good enough” doesn’t feel like failure — it feels like freedom.

If you’re feeling “not good enough” or find yourself obsessing over how others perceive you, I can help. I have openings for new clients and would love to support you on this journey. Feel free to hit the Contact button to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, teens, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: anxiety, CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, mental health, perfectionism, teens

4 Ways to Break Free from the Cycle of Perfectionism

September 11, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

The Perfectionism Trap

You see it everywhere — on your Insta feed, in group chats, in the way people talk about their endless to-do lists and self-improvement goals. You’re told to eat cleaner, work harder, travel more, work out more, glow up, and somehow have the time and energy to have fun. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

Perfectionism tricks you into thinking that if you just hit the next goal — lose 10 pounds, pick the perfect career, and keep your skincare routine flawless — then you’ll finally feel okay. But is this actually making you happy, or just making you tired?

What Perfectionism Does to You

Living in “must be perfect” mode doesn’t just push you to work harder — it can wear you down. You might notice:

Beating yourself up for tiny mistakes.
Trouble relaxing because there’s always “more” you should be doing.
Comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel and feeling behind.
Pushing yourself until you burn out — then blaming yourself for being tired.

Perfectionism can feel productive, but it’s often fueled by fear — fear of failing, fear of not measuring up, or fear of being “too much” or “not enough.” According to an article in Psychology Today, “Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences.”

How to Break the Cycle

The good news? Perfectionism doesn’t have to run your life. You can have big goals and show yourself some grace along the way.

Here are four practical tools to help you step out of the perfectionism trap:

1. Ground Yourself

Stop. Put your phone down. Take one deep, slow breath. Give yourself five seconds and just pause.

This is your reset button — a chance to step off autopilot and decide what actually matters right now. In this moment, remind yourself: you are safe. Nothing is on fire.

2. Ask What YOU Want

Perfectionism is sneaky — it makes you chase what you think you’re supposed to want. Pause and ask:

“Is this really for me, or because I think I should?”
“What do I actually want for my life right now?”

Then act on it. Add in the things that bring you joy, even if they feel “cringe” or unconventional. Your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.

3. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts

When your mind feels noisy, try a quick brain dump: write down every anxious, judgmental, or racing thought swirling around. Then take a moment to reflect:

“What am I telling myself right now?”
“Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. Writing them out helps you notice which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

4. Practice Making Mistakes

One of the best ways to loosen perfectionism’s grip is to practice making mistakes — on purpose. This is a form of exposure therapy, where we intentionally face the things that trigger us, little by little, to build resilience.

For perfectionism, this might look like:

Sending an email with a small typo.
Posting a photo on social media that isn’t perfectly curated or facetuned.
Submitting an assignment that is “good enough” instead of endlessly revising it.

Each time you do this, you teach your brain that imperfection is survivable — and often, not nearly as catastrophic as it feels in the moment.

When to Talk to Someone

If perfectionism is affecting your mental health, relationships, or ability to enjoy life, it may be time to reach out for support.

Therapy can help you understand where this pressure is coming from, quiet negative self-talk, and build tools to live a life that actually feels good — not just one that looks good.

If you are struggling with feeling “not good enough”, please do not hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone!

Click here if you are ready to get started.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, social media, teens, Therapy Tagged With: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, perfectionism, shame, teens, young adult

Anxiety Explained

May 2, 2019 by Meghan Renzi

Why am I feeling anxious?

Anxiety is quite the buzzword these days. It seems like every teen I meet has struggled with some form of anxiety, whether it is social anxiety, stress related to academics or a general sense of dread about the future. The truth is we all have anxiety. Our bodies are equipped with an alarm system that lets us know which situations are safe and which ones could be dangerous. When this alarm system is overactive, our bodies respond to benign situations as if they are dangerous. An example could be experiencing extreme fear when having to give a presentation. When someone’s anxiety interferes with daily life or is extremely out of proportion to actual threats then an individual may be diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder.

In her latest book, Under Pressure, Dr. Lisa D’Amour sheds light on how anxiety can actually serve as an ally. Despite the common discussion, anxiety is not all bad. Anxiety is a warning sign, letting you know that something is off or there is something you need to pay attention to in your current environment. For example, your anxiety may be triggered when you are walking home alone at night in an unfamiliar area. In this example, the fear that is activated is actually helpful because it alerts you to the fact that your current circumstances could become unsafe. Other times it may be more subtle. You may feel anxious if you have been procrastinating on a school paper that is due in the next few days. Here your anxiety is working as “a protector”, helping you avoid the potential consequences of not turning in your work on time.

Here is what happens to your body when the alarm response is triggered.

When the brain interprets a situation as threatening, stress hormones are released triggering the body’s fight/flight/freeze response. The sympathetic nervous symptom is now activated. You may notice increased heart rate, sweating, shortness of breath, and/or digestive issues. Emotionally you may feel nervous, irritable or a sense of impending doom. Your mind will scan your environment for threats and logical thinking goes out the window.

“Anxiety overestimates how bad something is going to be and underestimates our ability to deal with it”. -Dr. Lisa Damour

Here are a few things to consider:

Anxiety can affect one’s thoughts, physiology, and behavior. Not paying attention to your basic biological needs can often be a culprit for anxiety symptoms. Feeling hungry or tired can make your alarm system more susceptive to become activated in unnecessary situations. Additionally, believing that you have little or no control over your circumstances can also contribute to worsening anxiety symptoms. Finally, not having adequate emotional support can certainly make anxiety worse.

So what can you do when you feel anxious?

Ask yourself: Is there something here I need to pay attention to? Sometimes mild anxiety can alert you to the behavior you may want to change. Did you just say something that you might regret? Are you putting off a project that you should’ve started last week? Often recognizing and remedying behavior can be enough to calm the nervous system.
Try grounding yourself. The 5,4,3,2,1 Game helps you interrupt the anxiety loop. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste to bring yourself back to the present. Another helpful grounding tool is 3 S’s. Recognize the Surface you are sitting or standing on, notice physical Sensations like the temperature of the air touching your skin, and finally notice all the Sounds around you at this moment.
Deep breathing is an excellent way to activate the Parasympathetic nervous system which triggers the body’s relaxation response. When your breathing is slow and deliberate, your brain gets the signal that you are safe. Try these helpful breathing techniques: Square breathing Diaphragmatic breathing.
Recognize just like any other feeling, this too shall pass. All your feelings come and go. You have never had one feeling that lasted forever. It may be extremely uncomfortable but if you can ride it out, you will see that you are capable of handling this emotion.
Make sure you have a support team to reach out to, whether it is a friend, parent or counselor. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be a helpful treatment for those suffering from anxiety disorders. Group therapy can also be a great place to share openly with people struggling with similar issues.

Finally, remember you will have to practice these techniques over and over to rewire your brain’s response. The more you practice, the more you train your brain to respond to situations in a new way. Be sure to reach out to your healthcare provider if you have noticed worsening anxiety symptoms.

6 Ways to Improve your Daughter’s Self-Esteem

March 30, 2018 by Meghan Renzi

Negative Self-Talk

You hear your daughter complain about her body, comparing herself to peers. You hear your little girl using words like“fat” and “ugly” to describe herself. It can be heartbreaking for any parent.

It is not uncommon for girls to develop an overly critical voice around the tween years (and often even younger). Being a teen girl in today’s world has its challenges. With social media at our fingertips, we are constantly bombarded with images of what the ideal woman looks like. These unrealistic images can set up vulnerable teen girls for the comparison trap. Viewing doctored photos of stick-thin models, seeing friends post the “highlight reel” of their average teenage life can feed the all-too-common attitude of I am not enough.

Adolescent Development

During adolescence, the brain and body experience changes that are arguably more remarkable than those of any other developmental stage. You may notice obvious physical changes with your daughter, shifts in your relationship and often switching peer groups. These adjustments can contribute to increased feelings of insecurity for your daughter. Now is the time for parents to quell the urge to impose their worldviews on the teenager and instead give them the space to develop their own ideas and have new experiences. Arguments and emotional outbursts may become common occurrences. For many parents, raising a teen can feel like a rollercoaster.

So what is in your control?

Here are a few things you can do as a parent to improve your daughter’s self-esteem

1. Highlight her strengths. Does your daughter make you laugh? Does she take initiative on certain tasks? Is she a creative problem solver? Let her know that you notice these traits. You can even help your daughter reframe certain characteristics that were once viewed as insults. For example “weird” becomes “unique” or “bossy” becomes “leadership material” and “slow” becomes “thoughtful”. Bringing to light inner personality traits is super important right now, especially when society places such an emphasis on physical characteristics.

2. Validate her feelings. Growing up can be hard! Relationships end, friends move away, rejection happens. It is imperative that your daughter knows that feelings are just feelings. It is okay to feel angry when your best friend ditches you. Instead of saying “there is no reason to be upset”, try “I can see that you are angry right now and it makes sense to be angry in this situation”. Remember validating does not mean you are feeding the negativity but rather showing that it is okay to accept an emotion and let it pass. “Having their feelings validated gives teens the encouragement they need to feel accepted, admit defeat and re-adjust” (Koffler).

3. Model body acceptance. Avoid beating yourself up in front of your daughter. Speaking about your own body in a negative way models body hate for your girl. Outwardly obsessing about your own appearance only reinforces the message that the external is what’s important. Another dangerous thought pattern to avoid is black and white thinking related to food. Statements like “I’m so bad for eating this pizza” or “I am too fat for dessert” can contribute to your daughter developing an unhealthy attitude around food and her own body.

4. Give positive feedback for hard work. Most people respond to positive reinforcement. Give your girl credit for her effort even if it doesn’t result in an “accomplishment”. For example- you may notice her studying hard for a test. Even if she gets a C, it is important to give her positive feedback for the effort she put in. Applaud her for taking action, even if the outcome was not what she was hoping for. “If we can teach our teens to be curious and refrain from viewing experiences through a binary lens of black or white, good or bad, success or failure, they’ll begin to explore everyday experiences more fully” (Koffler).

5. Acknowledge assertiveness. Assertiveness means being confident without being aggressive. Assertive communication involves stating your own needs while respecting someone else’s point of view. At home, your daughter may label her feelings (“I am angry”) and tell you she needs to go to her room and cool off, rather than storming out of the house. These behaviors are healthy and should be reinforced with positive feedback. Encourage your daughter to stand up for herself and others. If you hear about your daughter challenging an injustice, make a point to acknowledge her courage.

6. Keep “mistakes” in perspective. Reframing mistakes can be super important for teen girls, who are often self-critical. The truth is everyone makes mistakes! Mistakes are how we grow and learn. As a teenager, the ability to make mistakes and learn from them is crucial to the launching process. Avoid “cushioning” your kid. Let them make their own mistakes. “Growth-minded individuals perceive task setbacks as a necessary part of the learning process and they “bounce back” by increasing their motivational effort”. Share your own hiccups with your daughter. Rather than shaming her or saying “I told you so”, ask her what she learned or what she would have done differently.

Remember that this is a challenging time for the parent and the child. Be gentle with yourself. It can take a lot of patience and practice to implement a new mindset around mistakes, body image, and feelings. It is totally okay to let your daughter see your vulnerability by telling her that you are learning too!

If you need extra support and are in the Washington DC area, please feel to message me through my contact page. My practice offers complimentary phone consultations for new clients.

Further Reading

“The Curse of the Good Girl,” by Rachel Simmons

“Brainstorm” by Dan Siegel

The Neuroscience of Growth Mindset and Intrinsic Motivation from NIH

Three Tips for Raising Resilient Teens by Theo Koffler

Filed Under: body image, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self-esteem, teens, Thoughts

5 Ways Group Can Change Your Teen’s Life

February 15, 2018 by Meghan Renzi

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your teen had deeper social connections? And I don’t mean over social media. I mean real face to face human contact! Technology is amazing. In many ways, we are more “connected” than ever. We can keep in touch with friends we haven’t seen in years and we can chat with people across the globe. Even some Therapists are moving to an online platform for providing services. It makes one wonder what implications these innovations have for human connection.

Why are more and more people reporting a deep sense of loneliness?

We are living in a time where you have the option to be more socially isolated. Now think about your teen. It can be way more comfortable (and accessible) to make connections online than in person. So chances are a good percentage of what your child digests about the world and other people is from social media. Your daughter looks at her friends’ Snapchat stories and sees peers posting seemingly perfect avatars. She sees her Instagram feed showing airbrushed models and friends displaying a filtered version of an average, awkward teenage existence.

So how do you convince your kid that what she sees online is not always reality? How do you help your girl to see that she is not alone— that there are other girls who are going through almost the exact same thing? Afterall, there are not a lot of teens modeling failure or vulnerability on Instagram.

Your teen needs true social connection.

It may sound obvious but lack of face to face connection can lead to increased feelings of loneliness, especially among the adolescent population. Adolescents are in a stage of development where peer acceptance becomes especially important. The need to feel a part of the group can cause some teens to go against their own values in order to be accepted. Feeling alone and isolated can be incredibly painful during the teenage years. Has your daughter ever said “No one understands me”, “I will never fit in”, or “No one else at my school has to deal with this”? More often than not, we tend to view our own problems as unique.

Social Connection improves your overall health.

Research shows that social connection is the number one indicator of good mental health. “Dozens of studies have shown that people who have satisfying relationships with family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer. Conversely, a relative lack of social ties is associated with depression and later-life cognitive decline, as well as with increased mortality” (Harvard Health Publications, 2010). Positive social connections refer to quality relationships— people you can be real with, people who support you and accept you just as you are. Positive social connections are an integral part of psychological wellness at all stages of life. Why? Because human beings are social creatures. Historically, being connected has been a huge part of our survival.

The magic happens when the mask comes off.

Group therapy can be a great place to start making these social connections. The group is an amazing treatment modality. Participants can build healthy connections with peers and have a safe place to share what is really going on. When members are honest, they find that they actually relate to one another on a deeper level.

Here are 5 benefits of group therapy:

Groups help build a social connection.

As stated earlier, having satisfying relationships is an integral part of mental health. Group therapy can bring people together with similar issues and thus “relating in” can happen pretty quickly. With the help of a facilitator, group members can share struggles, listen and oftentimes explore solutions. Being in a group setting will also help your daughter enhance her social skills, which can mean being a better friend, partner, and teammate.
Group fosters a sense of belonging.

It may not be easy for your teen to let her guard down in her everyday life but in a group, opening up about what is bothering you is encouraged. Vulnerability is where connection happens. Vulnerability means letting the real you shine through. It is about belonging, not fitting in. Brene Brown discusses the difference between fitting in and belonging in her book, the Gifts of Imperfection. Brown states “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming what you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are”.
Your teen has a chance to give back and feel useful.

Group can give your child a unique opportunity to give and get support. Group members can be a sounding board for your teen. Often, members who are further along in the group process can offer different perspectives. What’s more, research shows that giving back in a way that feels useful, like offering support to another group members, can do wonders for one’s self-esteem.
Your teen can get extra support and accountability.

I have heard this from almost every parent I work with— “She doesn’t listen to me, I guess she needs to hear it from someone else”. The reality is that your teen is more likely to be open with peers rather than adults. Group members hold one another accountable and will call each other out. Peer pressure can work in a positive way in a group setting where peers share similar goals. It is also so helpful for teens to get validation and support from peers.
She may feel better faster.

Being a part of a community and having a sense of belonging can have remarkable healing effects. Group therapy has often been compared to having a mirror held up. Being among peers struggling with similar issues can give your teen a place where she can “see herself” and with that see opportunities for growth and change. As a result, suffering can be reduced in less time.

Does Group replace individual therapy?

Group does not have to replace individual therapy. Many find that group is a helpful supplement to individual therapy. In addition, the group can be a place to practice some skills from individual therapy. From an economic perspective, a group can be less expensive than individual therapy and, for many mental health issues, just as effective as individual therapy. Many find that group therapy is all they need to start getting relief.

Where do I find a group for my teen?

Ask a mental health professional like your child’s therapist or psychiatrist. Many therapy practices offer group therapy, including my own. Often getting a personal recommendation from someone you trust can be best. You can also ask your child’s pediatrician or school counselor. Obviously, there is a wealth of information online. Psychology today is a great resource. You can search for local group therapy resources.

So maybe your daughter is scared to join a group. The fear of being judged can be paralyzing. The good news is your daughter is probably already in some kind of group, whether it is a sports team, club or even a class. Encourage your daughter to get out of her comfort zone. Share with her some of the health benefits of positive social connections. Remember— If nothing changes, nothing changes. Group therapy can be a powerful container for change.

We can’t stay silent on the topic of teen suicide. What parents and teens can do.

December 13, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Over the past few weeks, our community has been rocked by 2 teen suicides. Both teens were students at prominent Kensington High Schools. These tragedies are becoming all too common. We hear about it on the news and over social media. According to Mary Anderson, spokeswoman for the Montgomery County Department of Health and Human Services, there have been 5 teen suicides in Montgomery County this year.

There is certainly speculation about the correlation between social media and the rise in child and teen suicides in this country. Cyberbullying, a relatively new phenomenon, has become a major source of stress for today’s teen. There is pressure to present a certain image to the outside world, while what is going on inside often remains hidden. In the Washington DC area, in particular, there is an inordinate amount of value placed on achievement. According to a 2017 article in Forbes magazine, Washington DC is the 2nd most educated city in the United States. The comparison trap is a dangerous one. For emotionally fragile teens, the pressure to succeed is magnified. While we may not be able to change the culture, we can certainly change our attitude towards it.

Facts about Teen Suicide:

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Teens are more likely to tell a peer, rather than an adult if they are having thoughts of suicide.
Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment (NAMI).
There is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes (CDC).
“Among teenagers, suicide attempts may be associated with feelings of stress, self-doubt, the pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. For some teens, suicide may appear to be a solution to their problems” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry).

What parents can do:

Talk to your kids. Parents need to talk about this. Of course, it is uncomfortable to talk about suicide. Many parents worry that bringing up the topic of suicide will ignite those ideations in their child. However, just like sex and drugs, teen suicide is a reality in the world today. Let your child know that they can come to you with anything. Ask open-ended questions. Let them know how you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Having an open conversation about suicide will help your child feel more comfortable coming to you for help.
Watch for warning signs. It is so important for parents to know what to watch for when it comes to suicide risk factors. Withdrawal from peers, hopelessness, loss of interest, a decline in hygiene, use of drugs and alcohol as a means to escape, hypersomnia or lack of sleep, and loss of appetite are just some of the warning signs. In addition, you may notice personality changes and increased feelings of apathy (for example– a “who cares” or “nothing matters” attitude).
Ask for help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, go to a mental health professional for guidance or join a parent support group. You don’t have to do it alone. When your child has a physical ailment, you take them to the doctor. You aren’t expected to fix a medical problem on your own. The same goes for psychiatric issues. If you are worried about your child’s mental health, professional help is a must. While it may look like something that is in your child’s control, it is not. There is a common misconception that people with depression and thoughts of suicide can simply snap out of it.

What teens can do:

Talk about your own experience and break the silence. We live in a world where so much of our private lives have been made public. However, there are still certain things that we tend to keep to ourselves. Most of us have been programmed to feel shame when it comes to mental health issues. What if we felt open to share how we actually felt? What if you shared that you go to therapy, experience anxiety or are having issues with depression? You don’t have to feed into the stigma. Mental health issues are a reality.
Don’t add to the problem, be a part of the solution. If you see something, say something– whether it is bullying over social media or noticing warning signs of depression in a friend. If you know someone who is suffering, offer support and tell a trusted adult, like a parent or guidance counselor. Staying silent only feeds into the problem.
Join a group or start a group.
Groups can be a great place to open up and share what is really going on in a safe supportive environment. Whether it is a peer-led self-help group or a group run by a therapist or counselor, hearing other people’s stories can help you to see that you are not in this alone. A group setting can provide a place for you to “relate in” and learn how others were able to manage similar issues.

Remember if you or a friend are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone you trust. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. Asking for help takes courage but there is support available if you need it.

Resources

Facts About Suicide

References

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, group, mental health, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self harm, self-esteem, social media, suicide, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts

To the Teen Already Suffering From Anxiety: How to Process Tragic Events.

October 4, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

If you are a teen growing up in today’s world, chances are you feel constantly bombarded with information, often bad news. After the mass shooting in Las Vegas, I thought about how some of my adolescent and young adult patients would respond. Most of the young people I work with are already dealing with anxiety on some level. I have to reflect on how I would have processed such a scary assault back when I was a teenager. I recall being in high school during the 9/11 terrorist attack and how terrifying that was for my peers and me. The news coverage back then seemed neverending. The world certainly changed after that day in 2001 but the terror has not stopped.

Today we have even more access to information thanks to the internet. You see coverage of hurricanes, war, violent protests and mass shootings. Here is the scary part: we cannot predict what will happen next. Sometimes it might feel like everywhere you look there is devastation. So how do you manage panic? How do you send your body the message that right now you are safe?

Here are 3 things you can do to take back your control.

1. Limit your social media and news. Social media often becomes a place for people to voice their opinions after such tragedies. While raising awareness of the issues is great, it’s not uncommon for Facebook and Twitter to become a battleground for opposing political opinions. Watching these arguments can give rise to emotions like anger, frustration, and fear. While these emotions are not “bad”, constantly feeding them can create more anxiety and stress in your body.

In terms of watching the news, there is no need to be checking on what is happening 24/7. Seeing terror on the television or watching videos online can cause a traumatic response in the viewer and increase panic symptoms.

2. Practice grounding. Our bodies respond to stress by going into fight, flight or freeze mode. While you may not be in any physical danger currently, your physical response may tell you that you are. Bringing yourself back into your body, in the present moment, can be a great way to get out of your head. One tool I teach my clients on a regular basis is the 5,4,3,2,1 game. I advise clients to come back into the here and now by noticing 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell and 1 thing they can taste. This practice can help you to become more present instead of ruminating over the past or worrying about what the future holds. Other helpful grounding practices are belly breathing and physical contact– (like hugging friends, family, and pets).

Remember in this moment you are safe.

3. Do something. It can be easy to write a post about how you feel on social media. It may require more effort to enact bigger change. Start a fundraiser at your high school, raise awareness in your community about the issues or write your congressmen. Click on the links below for ways to help the those affected by the recent hurricanes and the victims of the shooting in Las Vegas.

Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands

Las Vegas

Finally, if you notice any anxiety, trauma or mood symptoms worsening, you may need help from a mental health professional. Tell your parent or caregiver that you are struggling and know that help is available. You don’t have to do anything alone!

Your Questions Answered: How Yoga Can Help Your Mental Health.

September 22, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

What is Yoga?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say “I can’t do yoga I am not flexible”. The truth is yoga is not just about the poses! The word “yoga” actually comes from the phrase “to yoke” or to bring together. Yoga is a way to connect mind, body, and breath. Because this mindful practice includes breath control, centering, and physical movement, it is often referred to as a “moving meditation”. Yoga does not have to be bending into a pretzel or that classic image of svelte models effortlessly floating into dancer pose.

The physical health benefits are numerous and well documented in medical journals. A regular yoga practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health, relief from chronic pain, arthritis and better sleep, in addition to improving muscle strength and posture. Awareness of breath helps you to slow down your thoughts and incorporate more body awareness.

Okay, so what about the mental health benefits?

Most people are aware that practicing yoga will calm your body down. Having a mindfulness practice can also encourage you to stay present with whatever is happening. Oftentimes we are wrapped up in what has happened in the past or what we believe will happen in the future. I can speak for myself when I say that I often get carried away with my thoughts, worries, and “What Ifs”.

Coming back into your breath can take the focus out of your head and into your body. Something magical happens when you connect with your body. Staying in the moment allows you be open to all of the wonderful possibilities your life has to offer.

How can yoga help my depression?

Most of us know that physical exercise is beneficial to one suffering from depression. Yoga is awesome because it incorporates mindfulness with the movement that does not have to be strenuous. Often in depression, the sufferer will experience lethargy, rumination, feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Practicing yoga and meditation can combat these symptoms and even increase production of feel-good chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin. The practices of yoga and meditation have been noted to activate these neurotransmitters that help regulate mood.

What about my anxiety?

Yoga is a great exercise for someone dealing with anxiety. Often people who suffer from anxiety disorders are preoccupied with what is going on in their heads. Predicting unpleasant events and re-living uncomfortable situations are common for those who struggle with anxiety. Yoga allows space to notice that right now, in this moment, everything is okay. Patients who have been diagnosed with panic disorders and other anxiety disorders, typically have decreased GABA activity in the brain. The chemicals that are released in the brain during a yoga class have been compared to the effects of the Benzodiazepine class of anti-anxiety medication.

I am struggling with addiction. Can yoga help me?

Having a yoga practice can definitely be a helpful supplement to addiction treatment and recovery programs. As stated earlier, Yoga and other mindfulness practices can increase blissful chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin, which can be responsible for that post-yoga class euphoric feeling. Additionally, having a routine can be beneficial for anyone dealing with a mental health concern. Adding yoga to your schedule can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy in a positive way.

Do kids and teens benefit from yoga?

Absolutely. In fact, yoga can help children to be more aware of the way their bodies move, while also building comfort with those growing bodies. Teaching mindful movement and meditation to younger children will allow them to learn to focus and be present. Integrating breath and movement can also help with emotional regulation. For teens, yoga can help improve self-esteem by increasing body gratitude and building a sense of community.

How often should I practice?

If I could practice every day I totally would! I think incorporating some kind of mindful exercise whether it is meditation, yoga or prayer, can be a helpful way to start the day. If it starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to prioritize and look at what else is taking up your time. A lot of people find that the calm they feel after going to a yoga class or practicing yoga on their own is well worth it.

Remember that you get what you put in. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will reap the benefits.

Please let me know your thoughts and message me with any questions 🙂

How to Make Worry Stones

August 27, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Worry Stones

I recently posted a photo of some “worry stones” I made on Instagram and I received a lot of positive feedback, as well as questions about how to make these magical stones.

I cannot take credit for the invention of worry stones. I learned about worry stones while working in a partial hospitalization program for adolescents. We made worry stones as a group activity and also gave them out as a distress tolerance tool for the teens.

A worry stone can be used as a grounding tool if you are feeling “up in your head”, angry or anxious. Rubbing a worry stone between your index finger and thumb can be a way to bring you make to the here and now.

A great thing about these worry stones is that they are small enough to fit in your pocket and the movement of rubbing your fingers together is so subtle that no one will even know you are using a coping skill! Also, the process of making worry stones can be therapeutic in and of itself.

Here is what you will need to make your very own batch of worry stones:

I purchase everything on Amazon but you can also go to your local craft store

Assorted colors of bakeable clay (I use Sculpy)

Sculpy glaze (optional)

Sparkles or Sparkle dust

An oven

A baking pan

Your hands

That’s it!

Okay, now how to make them….

Preheat the oven to 275 degrees.
Break a few pieces off of 2-4 colors and swirl together. (There is definitely a sweet spot in terms of when to stop mixing. Too much mixing can make the color turn out muddy).
Roll your clay mixture into a ball a little larger than a quarter.
Press your thumb into the ball so the piece of clay forms into a bowl shape but also gives you a nice spot to rub your thumb. (You can make as many as you want!!)
Once you have made your worry stones you can place them on your baking sheet about 1 inch apart.
Bake for 15 minutes.
Once you have allowed your stones to cool, you can choose to add sparkle dust or your glaze.

Now that you are done, you can keep some for yourself or give them out as gifts!

Please send me a message and let me know how they turn out 🙂

Namaste.

Filed Under: Child, coping skills, mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, Self Awareness, teenagers, teens, Therapy Tagged With: anger management, anxiety, coping skills, distress tolerance, mindfulness, parenting, therapy

To the mom who feels like she is failing

February 24, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

You have known her since birth. She is your little girl. You remember like it was yesterday; her smile, her laugh, her cuddles. You think back to what it was like when she looked up to you, when you could be in the moment with your girl- playing outside, going on adventures, reading bedtime stories. Your sole purpose was to make her feel loved and taken care of.

Lately, things have been different. She lashes out at the smallest things. You no longer feel the closeness that was once there. Maybe she tells you that you don’t understand. You see her criticizing herself and the world around her. You see her caught up in what the media tells her she is supposed to be or look like. The dreams she had as a young child seem to be fading.

What happened to your little girl? You try to do all the right things. You give positive feedback, get her involved in activities and let her know you are available to talk.

Adolescence is a difficult time for both the child and the parents. As Dr. Mary Pipher puts it, “Adolescence is currently scripted in a way that builds conflict between teenagers and their parents. Conflict occurs when parents try to protect their daughters who are trying to be independent in ways that are dangerous. Teenagers are under great social pressure to abandon their families, to be accepted by peer culture and to be autonomous individuals”. (Pipher, 65).

Developmentally it is completely normal for your child to be creating distance in the relationship. At this stage of life, peer groups are of paramount importance. In addition to shifts in relationships, there are also bodily changes that occur in adolescence. These shifts may contribute to your daughter feeling uncomfortable in her skin. Another notable change is the way adolescents tend to view the world. Teens, in general, are more likely to utilize cognitive distortions including emotional reasoning- “I feel this way so it must be true” and black and white thinking- seeing situations and people in extremes. Teens tend to come from a more egocentric place, where it is difficult to see another’s point of view. All of these patterns are typical for this developmental stage. However, knowing something is “normal” may not make them any easier to deal with.

Raising your daughter in today’s world can be a challenge, to say the least. So what are you to do?

Remember safety first– Always seek professional help if there is talk of suicide if you notice any self-harming or other high-risk behaviors (sex, substance abuse, running away). Use your judgment as a parent in setting limits with the cell phone, the internet, and driving privileges.
Consistency– adolescents are likely to “split” adults or look for a way around the rules. It is best that all caretakers are on the same page in terms expectations and boundaries. Talk with those involved in the care of your teen about what is acceptable for your child.
Self-care– This one is so important. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first or else you won’t be of any help to your child. Self-care can be basic like getting enough sleep, making sure you have eaten and are hydrated. Once these basic physiological needs are met you can explore what brings you joy. Journaling, reading, meditation and/or exercise can be great stress relievers.
Be gentle with yourself- Give yourself a break. You are only human and you are doing the best you can. Ask for help from your support network when you need it. Give yourself permission to have your own emotional reaction to what is going on. Seek professional help if necessary.

For further reading on changes that occur during adolescence check out the resources below:

Reviving Ophelia- Saving the selves of adolescent girls by Dr. Mary Pipher, Ph.D.

http://www.mindful.org/three-tips-raising-resilient-teens/

http://www.mindful.org/amazing-tumultuous-wild-wonderful-teenage-brain/

Filed Under: Child, communication, development, Mindfulness, parents, teenagers, teens Tagged With: adolescents, girls, mental health, moms, parenting, self care, teens