Therapy and Mindfulness

We can’t stay silent on the topic of teen suicide. What parents and teens can do.

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Over the past few weeks, our community has been rocked by 2 teen suicides. Both teens were students at prominent Bethesda High Schools. These tragedies are becoming all too common. We hear about it on the news and over social media. According to Mary Anderson, spokeswoman for the Montgomery County Department of Health and Human Services, there have been 5 teen suicides in Montgomery County this year.

There is certainly speculation about the correlation between social media and the rise in child and teen suicides in this country. Cyberbullying, a relatively new phenomenon, has become a major source of stress for today’s teen. There is pressure to present a certain image to the outside world, while what is going on inside often remains hidden.  In the Washington DC area, in particular, there is an inordinate amount of value placed on achievement. According to a 2017 article in Forbes magazine, Washington DC is the 2nd most educated city in the United States. The comparison trap is a dangerous one. For emotionally fragile teens, the pressure to succeed is magnified. While we may not be able to change the culture, we can certainly change our attitude towards it. 

Facts about Teen Suicide:

  • Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
  • Teens are more likely to tell a peer, rather than an adult if they are having thoughts of suicide.
  • Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment (NAMI).
  • There is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes (CDC).
  • “Among teenagers, suicide attempts may be associated with feelings of stress, self-doubt, the pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. For some teens, suicide may appear to be a solution to their problems” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry).

What parents can do:

  1. Talk to your kids. Parents need to talk about this. Of course, it is uncomfortable to talk about suicide. Many parents worry that bringing up the topic of suicide will ignite those ideations in their child. However, just like sex and drugs, teen suicide is a reality in the world today. Let your child know that they can come to you with anything. Ask open-ended questions. Let them know how you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Having an open conversation about suicide will help your child feel more comfortable coming to you for help.
  2. Watch for warning signs. It is so important for parents to know what to watch for when it comes to suicide risk factors. Withdrawal from peers, hopelessness, loss of interest, a decline in hygiene, use of drugs and alcohol as a means to escape, hypersomnia or lack of sleep, and loss of appetite are just some of the warning signs. In addition, you may notice personality changes and increased feelings of apathy (for example– a “who cares” or “nothing matters” attitude).
  3. Ask for help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, go to a mental health professional for guidance or join a parent support group. You don’t have to do it alone. When your child has a physical ailment, you take them to the doctor. You aren’t expected to fix a medical problem on your own. The same goes for psychiatric issues. If you are worried about your child’s mental health, professional help is a must. While it may look like something that is in your child’s control, it is not. There is a common misconception that people with depression and thoughts of suicide can simply snap out of it.

What teens can do:

  1. Talk about your own experience and break the silence. We live in a world where so much of our private lives have been made public. However, there are still certain things that we tend to keep to ourselves. Most of us have been programmed to feel shame when it comes to mental health issues. What if we felt open to share how we actually felt? What if you shared that you go to therapy, experience anxiety or are having issues with depression? You don’t have to feed into the stigma. Mental health issues are a reality.
  2. Don’t add to the problem, be a part of the solution. If you see something, say something– whether it is bullying over social media or noticing warning signs of depression in a friend. If you know someone who is suffering, offer support and tell a trusted adult, like a parent or guidance counselor. Staying silent only feeds into the problem.
  3. Join a group or start a group.
    Groups can be a great place to open up and share what is really going on in a safe supportive environment. Whether it is a peer-led self-help group or a group run by a therapist or counselor, hearing other people’s stories can help you to see that you are not in this alone. A group setting can provide a place for you to “relate in” and learn how others were able to manage similar issues.

Remember if you or a friend are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone you trust. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. Asking for help takes courage but there is support available if you need it.

Resources

Facts About Suicide

References

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, group, mental health, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self harm, self-esteem, social media, suicide, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts

Abnormal Behavior in your child: When to seek help

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Being a parent can be tough. It is not uncommon to feel responsible when you sense that your child is suffering. Each child is unique, so how do you know when your child’s behavior is deviating from the norm? When is it appropriate to seek help for potentially damaging patterns or conduct you have noticed in your child? Although there are developmental milestones that every child should meet, not every child will be on the same path. Often there may be subtle changes you notice in your child which could point to a deeper issue. The decision to seek professional help can be a difficult leap for many parents.

Here are some behaviors to watch for:

Avoidance or general disinterest in activities she used to enjoy

Overly “clingy” behavior or fear of being alone

Oversensitivity to sights, sounds, smells and touch

Hyperactivity

Increase in anxiety or worry

Crying spells

Increase in tantrums or aggression

Problems with concentration or focus

Trouble sleeping

Loss of appetite

Physical complaints (headaches, stomach ache, generalized pain)

Self-destructive behavior (intentionally hurting self)

If you notice a pattern with any of the above behaviors, seeking help as soon as possible is key. First, consult your child’s pediatrician to rule out anything medical. Some mental health issues can have acute onset but frequently the warning signs can be missed if the progression has been gradual.

Formal evaluation (testing) may be recommended as part of your child’s treatment. Educational testing through the public school system may be helpful. In addition, a doctor or mental health professional may recommend neuropsychological testing to rule out cognitive deficits, autism and other developmental delays. You may be advised to take your child to a mental health professional like a therapist or psychiatrist. Whatever the recommendation, ask questions and remember that you are your child’s best advocate.

You know your child better than anyone else. If something seems off to you, consult a professional. Trust your gut and remember that asking for help is a sign of strength. You don’t have to do this alone!

If your child ever discusses suicide, wanting to die or you notice signs of self-harm, take your child to your local emergency room immediately.

For further reading, check out the resources below:

Centers for Disease Control- Children’s Mental Health

American Academy of Adolescent and Child Psychiatry

Children’s National- Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences

Filed Under: Child, mental health, parenting, self harm, teenagers Tagged With: , , ,

What to say to a child who self harms.

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bubbleFAQsFinding out your child has been self harming can be one of the most terrifying experiences. The first reaction for most parents is anger. You might ask yourself “Why is this happening?”, “Who is responsible?”  You might even blame yourself or your partner. Being confronted with the reality that your child is intentionally hurting herself is a scary one.

Here are a few things to remember:

  1. Do not yell or punish. Your child may naturally feel that you are “against” her. Oftentimes self harming is used as a tool to self soothe, and we all know that yelling is not at all soothing to someone who is already in pain. Instead offer healthy alternatives, not as a reward, but rather to let your child know you are willing to work with them.
  2. Respond in a calm way–even though you may feel like screaming. Take a moment (or a few) to compose yourself. Practice some deep breathing. Remember that you are the parent. It is imperative that you remain in control. By remaining calm you are not condoning the behavior. You are coming from a stable place that is more likely to ensure open communication with your child.
  3. Do not give in. While self harm is often a sign of extreme internal suffering, it can also be used as a tool to get certain “needs” met. You may often hear people referring to self harm as “manipulative”, and while some children may use this as a manipulation, this is not the case for all children who self harm. Whatever the intent, we do not want to reinforce this behavior by giving in.
  4. Talk openly with your child by starting a conversation. Openly express your feelings. Try using “I feel statements”. For example “I feel scared when you harm yourself, I need you to come to me next time you feel like hurting yourself”. Acknowledge your child’s pain. You can say “I see that you are suffering” or “I am sorry that you felt like you had to do that. What do you need right now?”
  5. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, educate yourself. Do your own research and consult with professionals. Keep your child’s psychiatrist, therapist and primary care doctor up to date on anything concerning your child’s mental health. If you do not have a mental health provider and you are unsure of what to do, take your child to your local crisis center or emergency room to request a mental health evaluation.

Always come from a place of love. Remember that you care about your child, which is why this can be so scary.  It is important to remember that you are not alone, and there are many parents out there working through these same issues. 

For more reading check out the  Adolescent Self Injury Foundation, which has great tips for kids and parents affected by self injury. You can also search for articles on Psych Central and Psychology Today.

Filed Under: communication, parents, self harm, teens Tagged With: , , , , , ,