self-esteem Archives - Therapy and Mindfulness

6 Ways to Improve your Daughter’s Self-Esteem

March 30, 2018 by Meghan Renzi

Negative Self-Talk

You hear your daughter complain about her body, comparing herself to peers. You hear your little girl using words like“fat” and “ugly” to describe herself. It can be heartbreaking for any parent.

It is not uncommon for girls to develop an overly critical voice around the tween years (and often even younger). Being a teen girl in today’s world has its challenges. With social media at our fingertips, we are constantly bombarded with images of what the ideal woman looks like. These unrealistic images can set up vulnerable teen girls for the comparison trap. Viewing doctored photos of stick-thin models, seeing friends post the “highlight reel” of their average teenage life can feed the all-too-common attitude of I am not enough.

Adolescent Development

During adolescence, the brain and body experience changes that are arguably more remarkable than those of any other developmental stage. You may notice obvious physical changes with your daughter, shifts in your relationship and often switching peer groups. These adjustments can contribute to increased feelings of insecurity for your daughter. Now is the time for parents to quell the urge to impose their worldviews on the teenager and instead give them the space to develop their own ideas and have new experiences. Arguments and emotional outbursts may become common occurrences. For many parents, raising a teen can feel like a rollercoaster.

So what is in your control?

Here are a few things you can do as a parent to improve your daughter’s self-esteem

1. Highlight her strengths. Does your daughter make you laugh? Does she take initiative on certain tasks? Is she a creative problem solver? Let her know that you notice these traits. You can even help your daughter reframe certain characteristics that were once viewed as insults. For example “weird” becomes “unique” or “bossy” becomes “leadership material” and “slow” becomes “thoughtful”. Bringing to light inner personality traits is super important right now, especially when society places such an emphasis on physical characteristics.

2. Validate her feelings. Growing up can be hard! Relationships end, friends move away, rejection happens. It is imperative that your daughter knows that feelings are just feelings. It is okay to feel angry when your best friend ditches you. Instead of saying “there is no reason to be upset”, try “I can see that you are angry right now and it makes sense to be angry in this situation”. Remember validating does not mean you are feeding the negativity but rather showing that it is okay to accept an emotion and let it pass. “Having their feelings validated gives teens the encouragement they need to feel accepted, admit defeat and re-adjust” (Koffler).

3. Model body acceptance. Avoid beating yourself up in front of your daughter. Speaking about your own body in a negative way models body hate for your girl. Outwardly obsessing about your own appearance only reinforces the message that the external is what’s important. Another dangerous thought pattern to avoid is black and white thinking related to food. Statements like “I’m so bad for eating this pizza” or “I am too fat for dessert” can contribute to your daughter developing an unhealthy attitude around food and her own body.

4. Give positive feedback for hard work. Most people respond to positive reinforcement. Give your girl credit for her effort even if it doesn’t result in an “accomplishment”. For example- you may notice her studying hard for a test. Even if she gets a C, it is important to give her positive feedback for the effort she put in. Applaud her for taking action, even if the outcome was not what she was hoping for. “If we can teach our teens to be curious and refrain from viewing experiences through a binary lens of black or white, good or bad, success or failure, they’ll begin to explore everyday experiences more fully” (Koffler).

5. Acknowledge assertiveness. Assertiveness means being confident without being aggressive. Assertive communication involves stating your own needs while respecting someone else’s point of view. At home, your daughter may label her feelings (“I am angry”) and tell you she needs to go to her room and cool off, rather than storming out of the house. These behaviors are healthy and should be reinforced with positive feedback. Encourage your daughter to stand up for herself and others. If you hear about your daughter challenging an injustice, make a point to acknowledge her courage.

6. Keep “mistakes” in perspective. Reframing mistakes can be super important for teen girls, who are often self-critical. The truth is everyone makes mistakes! Mistakes are how we grow and learn. As a teenager, the ability to make mistakes and learn from them is crucial to the launching process. Avoid “cushioning” your kid. Let them make their own mistakes. “Growth-minded individuals perceive task setbacks as a necessary part of the learning process and they “bounce back” by increasing their motivational effort”. Share your own hiccups with your daughter. Rather than shaming her or saying “I told you so”, ask her what she learned or what she would have done differently.

Remember that this is a challenging time for the parent and the child. Be gentle with yourself. It can take a lot of patience and practice to implement a new mindset around mistakes, body image, and feelings. It is totally okay to let your daughter see your vulnerability by telling her that you are learning too!

If you need extra support and are in the Washington DC area, please feel to message me through my contact page. My practice offers complimentary phone consultations for new clients.

Further Reading

“The Curse of the Good Girl,” by Rachel Simmons

“Brainstorm” by Dan Siegel

The Neuroscience of Growth Mindset and Intrinsic Motivation from NIH

Three Tips for Raising Resilient Teens by Theo Koffler

Filed Under: body image, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self-esteem, teens, Thoughts

5 Ways Group Can Change Your Teen’s Life

February 15, 2018 by Meghan Renzi

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your teen had deeper social connections? And I don’t mean over social media. I mean real face to face human contact! Technology is amazing. In many ways, we are more “connected” than ever. We can keep in touch with friends we haven’t seen in years and we can chat with people across the globe. Even some Therapists are moving to an online platform for providing services. It makes one wonder what implications these innovations have for human connection.

Why are more and more people reporting a deep sense of loneliness?

We are living in a time where you have the option to be more socially isolated. Now think about your teen. It can be way more comfortable (and accessible) to make connections online than in person. So chances are a good percentage of what your child digests about the world and other people is from social media. Your daughter looks at her friends’ Snapchat stories and sees peers posting seemingly perfect avatars. She sees her Instagram feed showing airbrushed models and friends displaying a filtered version of an average, awkward teenage existence.

So how do you convince your kid that what she sees online is not always reality? How do you help your girl to see that she is not alone— that there are other girls who are going through almost the exact same thing? Afterall, there are not a lot of teens modeling failure or vulnerability on Instagram.

Your teen needs true social connection.

It may sound obvious but lack of face to face connection can lead to increased feelings of loneliness, especially among the adolescent population. Adolescents are in a stage of development where peer acceptance becomes especially important. The need to feel a part of the group can cause some teens to go against their own values in order to be accepted. Feeling alone and isolated can be incredibly painful during the teenage years. Has your daughter ever said “No one understands me”, “I will never fit in”, or “No one else at my school has to deal with this”? More often than not, we tend to view our own problems as unique.

Social Connection improves your overall health.

Research shows that social connection is the number one indicator of good mental health. “Dozens of studies have shown that people who have satisfying relationships with family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer. Conversely, a relative lack of social ties is associated with depression and later-life cognitive decline, as well as with increased mortality” (Harvard Health Publications, 2010). Positive social connections refer to quality relationships— people you can be real with, people who support you and accept you just as you are. Positive social connections are an integral part of psychological wellness at all stages of life. Why? Because human beings are social creatures. Historically, being connected has been a huge part of our survival.

The magic happens when the mask comes off.

Group therapy can be a great place to start making these social connections. The group is an amazing treatment modality. Participants can build healthy connections with peers and have a safe place to share what is really going on. When members are honest, they find that they actually relate to one another on a deeper level.

Here are 5 benefits of group therapy:

Groups help build a social connection.

As stated earlier, having satisfying relationships is an integral part of mental health. Group therapy can bring people together with similar issues and thus “relating in” can happen pretty quickly. With the help of a facilitator, group members can share struggles, listen and oftentimes explore solutions. Being in a group setting will also help your daughter enhance her social skills, which can mean being a better friend, partner, and teammate.
Group fosters a sense of belonging.

It may not be easy for your teen to let her guard down in her everyday life but in a group, opening up about what is bothering you is encouraged. Vulnerability is where connection happens. Vulnerability means letting the real you shine through. It is about belonging, not fitting in. Brene Brown discusses the difference between fitting in and belonging in her book, the Gifts of Imperfection. Brown states “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming what you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are”.
Your teen has a chance to give back and feel useful.

Group can give your child a unique opportunity to give and get support. Group members can be a sounding board for your teen. Often, members who are further along in the group process can offer different perspectives. What’s more, research shows that giving back in a way that feels useful, like offering support to another group members, can do wonders for one’s self-esteem.
Your teen can get extra support and accountability.

I have heard this from almost every parent I work with— “She doesn’t listen to me, I guess she needs to hear it from someone else”. The reality is that your teen is more likely to be open with peers rather than adults. Group members hold one another accountable and will call each other out. Peer pressure can work in a positive way in a group setting where peers share similar goals. It is also so helpful for teens to get validation and support from peers.
She may feel better faster.

Being a part of a community and having a sense of belonging can have remarkable healing effects. Group therapy has often been compared to having a mirror held up. Being among peers struggling with similar issues can give your teen a place where she can “see herself” and with that see opportunities for growth and change. As a result, suffering can be reduced in less time.

Does Group replace individual therapy?

Group does not have to replace individual therapy. Many find that group is a helpful supplement to individual therapy. In addition, the group can be a place to practice some skills from individual therapy. From an economic perspective, a group can be less expensive than individual therapy and, for many mental health issues, just as effective as individual therapy. Many find that group therapy is all they need to start getting relief.

Where do I find a group for my teen?

Ask a mental health professional like your child’s therapist or psychiatrist. Many therapy practices offer group therapy, including my own. Often getting a personal recommendation from someone you trust can be best. You can also ask your child’s pediatrician or school counselor. Obviously, there is a wealth of information online. Psychology today is a great resource. You can search for local group therapy resources.

So maybe your daughter is scared to join a group. The fear of being judged can be paralyzing. The good news is your daughter is probably already in some kind of group, whether it is a sports team, club or even a class. Encourage your daughter to get out of her comfort zone. Share with her some of the health benefits of positive social connections. Remember— If nothing changes, nothing changes. Group therapy can be a powerful container for change.

We can’t stay silent on the topic of teen suicide. What parents and teens can do.

December 13, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Over the past few weeks, our community has been rocked by 2 teen suicides. Both teens were students at prominent Bethesda High Schools. These tragedies are becoming all too common. We hear about it on the news and over social media. According to Mary Anderson, spokeswoman for the Montgomery County Department of Health and Human Services, there have been 5 teen suicides in Montgomery County this year.

There is certainly speculation about the correlation between social media and the rise in child and teen suicides in this country. Cyberbullying, a relatively new phenomenon, has become a major source of stress for today’s teen. There is pressure to present a certain image to the outside world, while what is going on inside often remains hidden. In the Washington DC area, in particular, there is an inordinate amount of value placed on achievement. According to a 2017 article in Forbes magazine, Washington DC is the 2nd most educated city in the United States. The comparison trap is a dangerous one. For emotionally fragile teens, the pressure to succeed is magnified. While we may not be able to change the culture, we can certainly change our attitude towards it.

Facts about Teen Suicide:

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Teens are more likely to tell a peer, rather than an adult if they are having thoughts of suicide.
Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment (NAMI).
There is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes (CDC).
“Among teenagers, suicide attempts may be associated with feelings of stress, self-doubt, the pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. For some teens, suicide may appear to be a solution to their problems” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry).

What parents can do:

Talk to your kids. Parents need to talk about this. Of course, it is uncomfortable to talk about suicide. Many parents worry that bringing up the topic of suicide will ignite those ideations in their child. However, just like sex and drugs, teen suicide is a reality in the world today. Let your child know that they can come to you with anything. Ask open-ended questions. Let them know how you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Having an open conversation about suicide will help your child feel more comfortable coming to you for help.
Watch for warning signs. It is so important for parents to know what to watch for when it comes to suicide risk factors. Withdrawal from peers, hopelessness, loss of interest, a decline in hygiene, use of drugs and alcohol as a means to escape, hypersomnia or lack of sleep, and loss of appetite are just some of the warning signs. In addition, you may notice personality changes and increased feelings of apathy (for example– a “who cares” or “nothing matters” attitude).
Ask for help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, go to a mental health professional for guidance or join a parent support group. You don’t have to do it alone. When your child has a physical ailment, you take them to the doctor. You aren’t expected to fix a medical problem on your own. The same goes for psychiatric issues. If you are worried about your child’s mental health, professional help is a must. While it may look like something that is in your child’s control, it is not. There is a common misconception that people with depression and thoughts of suicide can simply snap out of it.

What teens can do:

Talk about your own experience and break the silence. We live in a world where so much of our private lives have been made public. However, there are still certain things that we tend to keep to ourselves. Most of us have been programmed to feel shame when it comes to mental health issues. What if we felt open to share how we actually felt? What if you shared that you go to therapy, experience anxiety or are having issues with depression? You don’t have to feed into the stigma. Mental health issues are a reality.
Don’t add to the problem, be a part of the solution. If you see something, say something– whether it is bullying over social media or noticing warning signs of depression in a friend. If you know someone who is suffering, offer support and tell a trusted adult, like a parent or guidance counselor. Staying silent only feeds into the problem.
Join a group or start a group.
Groups can be a great place to open up and share what is really going on in a safe supportive environment. Whether it is a peer-led self-help group or a group run by a therapist or counselor, hearing other people’s stories can help you to see that you are not in this alone. A group setting can provide a place for you to “relate in” and learn how others were able to manage similar issues.

Remember if you or a friend are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone you trust. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. Asking for help takes courage but there is support available if you need it.

Resources

Facts About Suicide

References

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, group, mental health, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self harm, self-esteem, social media, suicide, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts

Your Questions Answered: How Yoga Can Help Your Mental Health.

September 22, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

What is Yoga?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say “I can’t do yoga I am not flexible”. The truth is yoga is not just about the poses! The word “yoga” actually comes from the phrase “to yoke” or to bring together. Yoga is a way to connect mind, body, and breath. Because this mindful practice includes breath control, centering, and physical movement, it is often referred to as a “moving meditation”. Yoga does not have to be bending into a pretzel or that classic image of svelte models effortlessly floating into dancer pose.

The physical health benefits are numerous and well documented in medical journals. A regular yoga practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health, relief from chronic pain, arthritis and better sleep, in addition to improving muscle strength and posture. Awareness of breath helps you to slow down your thoughts and incorporate more body awareness.

Okay, so what about the mental health benefits?

Most people are aware that practicing yoga will calm your body down. Having a mindfulness practice can also encourage you to stay present with whatever is happening. Oftentimes we are wrapped up in what has happened in the past or what we believe will happen in the future. I can speak for myself when I say that I often get carried away with my thoughts, worries, and “What Ifs”.

Coming back into your breath can take the focus out of your head and into your body. Something magical happens when you connect with your body. Staying in the moment allows you be open to all of the wonderful possibilities your life has to offer.

How can yoga help my depression?

Most of us know that physical exercise is beneficial to one suffering from depression. Yoga is awesome because it incorporates mindfulness with the movement that does not have to be strenuous. Often in depression, the sufferer will experience lethargy, rumination, feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Practicing yoga and meditation can combat these symptoms and even increase production of feel-good chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin. The practices of yoga and meditation have been noted to activate these neurotransmitters that help regulate mood.

What about my anxiety?

Yoga is a great exercise for someone dealing with anxiety. Often people who suffer from anxiety disorders are preoccupied with what is going on in their heads. Predicting unpleasant events and re-living uncomfortable situations are common for those who struggle with anxiety. Yoga allows space to notice that right now, in this moment, everything is okay. Patients who have been diagnosed with panic disorders and other anxiety disorders, typically have decreased GABA activity in the brain. The chemicals that are released in the brain during a yoga class have been compared to the effects of the Benzodiazepine class of anti-anxiety medication.

I am struggling with addiction. Can yoga help me?

Having a yoga practice can definitely be a helpful supplement to addiction treatment and recovery programs. As stated earlier, Yoga and other mindfulness practices can increase blissful chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin, which can be responsible for that post-yoga class euphoric feeling. Additionally, having a routine can be beneficial for anyone dealing with a mental health concern. Adding yoga to your schedule can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy in a positive way.

Do kids and teens benefit from yoga?

Absolutely. In fact, yoga can help children to be more aware of the way their bodies move, while also building comfort with those growing bodies. Teaching mindful movement and meditation to younger children will allow them to learn to focus and be present. Integrating breath and movement can also help with emotional regulation. For teens, yoga can help improve self-esteem by increasing body gratitude and building a sense of community.

How often should I practice?

If I could practice every day I totally would! I think incorporating some kind of mindful exercise whether it is meditation, yoga or prayer, can be a helpful way to start the day. If it starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to prioritize and look at what else is taking up your time. A lot of people find that the calm they feel after going to a yoga class or practicing yoga on their own is well worth it.

Remember that you get what you put in. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will reap the benefits.

Please let me know your thoughts and message me with any questions 🙂

To the twenty-something who feels stuck

August 9, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

You feel like you aren’t where you should be.

You finished school but things don’t feel right. For some reason, you thought you would be fully “adulting” by now but instead, you feel lost and unsure of your next steps. You were able to work hard in school but now it’s a struggle to get up off the couch. Maybe you can still go to your job but it feels like there is something missing. You feel like you can’t enjoy your life. Where is that drive you once had?

You might feel like you aren’t living up to everyone’s expectations.

Maybe you feel like you are letting your parents down or perhaps you are realizing that what your parents see for you is different than what you want for yourself. It doesn’t help watching your peers’ successes posted all over social media. You know for sure you are not fulfilling your potential.

It shouldn’t be this hard, right?

What you are experiencing is not at all uncommon. Your twenties can be an overwhelming and scary time. You are expected to be an adult, but at the same time, you have never had to be on your own before. Managing responsibilities like paying bills, grocery shopping and showing up to work, not to mention basic self-care can be difficult. The passage into adulthood is a challenge to navigate. For some people, achievements like completing high school or college can be liberating, but for others, no longer having that structure can be incredibly daunting. But these transitions do not have to be paralyzing.

What if you were able to feel motivated and inspired to get out there? How would it feel to have a life that made you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What if you felt happy? What if you felt like things were falling into place and you were right where you were supposed to be?

As cheesy as it sounds, there is only one of you. You have gifts and talents that no one else has. You don’t have to struggle alone. You just need the support to move forward.

The young adults I have worked with benefit from a perception change.

So what is getting in your way?

A pattern of negative thinking. Your thoughts influence your feelings and behaviors. If you don’t pay attention to what you are telling yourself, it will be hard to make any kind of change. One distorted thinking pattern that can get in the way of positive change is “all or nothing” or “black and white” thinking. Thinking in these terms means you see people or events in extremes. This type of thinking may cause you to categorize things as “good” or “bad” instead of seeing the gray area. Another distorted thinking pattern is labeling. You may label yourself as “a loser” or “a failure”. Labeling yourself as “unmotivated” or “lazy” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help get to the core of these distorted thinking patterns and equip you with the tools you need to challenge your own thinking.
The belief that everything is going to be perfect. News flash- nothing in life is ever going to be “perfect”. Additionally, no human being is immune from making mistakes. If you wait for everything to line up the way you believe it should, you may be waiting forever. Sometimes you need to take action. Mindfulness can be an antidote to perfectionism because it allows us to see things as they are without judgment.
Self-sabotage. Often we deal with feelings of shame and self-doubt by self-medicating. Whether it be with food, alcohol, or even Netflix. Using these things to cope can feel good. Duh, that’s why people use them, right? They are a quick fix. However, when you constantly go to the quick fix, it can become way too easy to shy away from developing the healthy coping skills that may involve more work. Long term use of unhealthy coping skills can also lead to emotional and health related consequences.
An underlying mental health diagnosis. Depression and anxiety can cause debilitating symptoms that may look like a lack of drive. Symptoms like fatigue and hopelessness can be incapacitating. Unfortunately, people who are struggling with addiction are often seen as lacking the willpower to change. Symptoms of ADHD are often disguised as laziness. The truth is, these serious diagnoses are not your fault and should be treated by a mental health professional.
The belief that it is not okay to ask for help. Does this statement sound familiar- “I should be able to handle this”? Whether you are having trouble with independent living or just feeling stuck, you CAN ask for help. Most successful people have had plenty of help along the way. You have been trying to do this on your own long enough and it is not working. Remember “if nothing changes, nothing changes”.

You don’t have to stay stuck.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, self-esteem, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: cognitive behavioral therapy, depression, mental health, millennial, motivation, stuck, substance abuse, young adult

How to be kinder to yourself

July 12, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

We live in a society where workaholism is praised. Often, the media, our parents, our teachers and our bosses are sending the same message: work harder and you will meet your goals. As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, I must admit, I do buy into the idea that if I work harder I will get what I want. The truth is hard work doesn’t always pay off. Like most people, I get burned out. In addition to burn out, many can experience anxiety, “imposter syndrome”, and even paralyzing self-doubt when things don’t work out.

Even our children are taught to push themselves in order to be “the best”. One byproduct of this cultural norm is a society where an alarming percentage of young children are experiencing anxiety. This begs the question: What kind of example are we setting as adults? We work long hours, eat food “products” (that aren’t even real food), treat sleep like it is optional, are overscheduled and as a result feel undervalued. But feeling undervalued can start with your own mindset.

DO YOU VALUE YOURSELF?

Do you value yourself whether or not you get that promotion or get asked on a second date? Do you value yourself even though you skipped the gym today?

Are you giving yourself a break? Are you treating your body like the gift that it is?

The purpose of these questions is not to make you feel like you are failing but rather, to bring the idea of self-care back into your awareness.

Cut yourself some slack. The truth is that your “best” can look different from day to day. Recognize that you are going to have some days when you can give more than others. When you find yourself feeling irritable, sluggish or fatigued- it might be time to give yourself a break. Remember you wouldn’t be human if you felt the same way every minute of every day.

Below are 6 ways you can treat yourself with more kindness

Get outside. Notice all the details. See all that is alive among the trees and wildlife. Nature has a healing effect on people. Experiencing something bigger than yourself can highlight the fact that there is more to life than what you are feeling at this moment.
Treat yo self. Seriously, buy yourself a treat and savor it. Consume it mindfully. Whether it is a frappuccino from Starbucks, some chocolate or a freshly squeezed juice. And please don’t count the calories.
Give your pet or kid a snuggle or ask for a hug from a friend. Human touch releases oxytocin, a bonding hormone. Studies show that oxytocin can help ease physical pain and emotional stress.
Notice your mistakes and EMBRACE them. Mistakes help us learn and remind us that we are human. Rather than beating yourself up every time you make an error, think in terms of a growth mindset. Try this thought on for size: If things stay status quo, I stay the same. If there is change, there is opportunity me to grow and get stronger.
Allow yourself to unplug. Once upon a time, we lived in a world where cell phones did not exist. What would it be like if you weren’t readily available for everyone else? Being “on call” can feed anxious thoughts. The world will keep spinning even if you don’t respond to that text. What if you allowed things around you to happen without you interfering or constantly knowing what is going on in everyone else’s life? While social media has it’s benefits, it also feeds the tendency to compare your life to someone else’s. Remember what you see online is an edited, filtered avatar. No one’s life is perfect.
Finally, applaud yourself for small victories. Did you schedule a Dr.’s appointment? Walk the dog? Pick up groceries for the week? Take the stairs? Go you! Celebrating these accomplishments can shift your mindset to a more positive one.

5 Reasons You Should Give Therapy a Try

June 15, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Why Therapy?

Whether or not you are suffering from a diagnosed mental health condition, therapy can be a helpful tool. Life is full of surprises. Changes in health, family dynamics or a romantic relationship can be difficult to navigate. Seeking support from a mental health professional, outside of your family or friends, should never be viewed as something to be ashamed of. As humans, social interaction is an important component to mental health. The idea that you should be able to deal with certain pains in life on your own is a false one.

Here are a few ways therapy can help:

You get an outside perspective. Having an objective person share their observations during a personal dilemma is often helpful, especially when you may be too emotionally invested to see the big picture. For some, it can be difficult to admit that we are struggling, even to our closest companions. Your therapist is legally and ethically obligated to keep your information and what you share in session confidential. Additionally, your therapist can hold you accountable so you can stay on track with your goals.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help. One of the hallmarks of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is identifying the negative thinking patterns that can distort our reality. A CBT oriented therapist can help her patient to recognize these thought distortions. CBT also points to the relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If you can change your thinking, eventually you can change your response to certain distressing situations.
The power of the relationship. Carl Rogers, the father of “person-centered” or humanistic therapy, posits that there are three essential ingredients of a successful therapeutic relationship – unconditional positive regard, genuineness, and empathy. The act of stating your feelings out loud to another person can help you to hear what you are actually saying and feel like a release. For this reason, having a nonjudgemental person there to hold the space can be therapeutic in and of itself.
Therapy can give you tools for dealing with life. Maybe you have some bad habits you are trying to break or you are tired of blowing up at your significant other. A trained mental health professional can help you identify coping strategies to manage difficult encounters. In therapy, time can be spent exploring certain triggers, communication patterns and automatic negative thoughts which could be at the root of these maladaptive behaviors.
Therapy rewires the brain. The results are well documented. People who engage in therapy become more self-aware, report increased self-esteem and develop more positive habits. Over time, therapy can change the way you think. Why? Recognizing your own thought patterns is the first step to changing them.

Some things to keep in mind:

Therapy is a process, not a quick fix. In most therapy settings, the goal is for the client to be able to implement changes in their life, outside of the office. A successful therapy case takes work from both therapist and client. It can take some time to build a relationship with your therapist and for a lot of people, it may take some time to find someone who is a good fit.

If you are struggling, ask for help. Remember you don’t have to do anything alone.