Therapy & Mindfulness Practices

Home for the Holidays: Avoiding People-Pleasing & Setting Boundaries This Season

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The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and cozy traditions—but it can also stir up anxiety, pressure, and old habits like people-pleasing and perfectionism. Many of us feel pulled in a million different directions, trying to keep everyone happy and show up for every event… even when it leaves us exhausted.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and this year can be your year to approach the holidays differently.

You Don’t Have to Say Yes to Everything

A gentle reminder:
You are not required to attend every event, participate in every tradition, or be available to everyone throughout this holiday season. You deserve to choose what feels sustainable for you.

Of course, life isn’t about avoiding every inconvenience– we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But if something interferes with your basic needs—your sleep, meals, medical appointments, physical health, or emotional well-being—then it’s absolutely okay for the answer to be “no“.

Overcommitting is often a sign of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or anxiety. If you find yourself stretched thin, it may be because fear of disappointing people is driving your decisions rather than your values.

Before You Say “Yes”… Ask Yourself These Questions

Pause and check in with yourself:

  • Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to be helpful—or because I’m afraid of upsetting someone?
    People-pleasing can look like kindness on the surface, but underneath is fear: fear of conflict, rejection, or disappointing others.

  • Will this drain my energy?
    Picture yourself after the event or commitment. Will you feel grounded and connected—or overwhelmed and depleted?

  • Does saying yes affect my ability to show up for the people and responsibilities that truly matter to me?
    When perfectionism pushes you to be everything to everyone, you lose the ability to be present where it matters most.

Your Needs Don’t Disappear Just Because It’s the Holidays

You still need rest. You still need downtime. You still need meals, movement, sleep, medication schedules, and emotional space.

Ignoring these needs often increases anxiety and resentment—and makes the season feel heavier than it needs to.

Honoring your limits is not selfish. It’s necessary.

It’s Not Your Job to Manage Everyone’s Reactions

This is the hardest part for my clients who struggle with people-pleasing:
You can set a boundary kindly and respectfully—and someone may still feel disappointed. Their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary was wrong.

You are responsible for communicating with clarity and kindness.
You are not responsible for managing someone else’s emotions about your decisions.

Let other people have their feelings. You are allowed to prioritize your well-being.

A Healthier Way to Approach This Holiday Season

Instead of running yourself into the ground, try:

  • Choosing plans that align with your values

  • Leaving room for rest and flexibility

  • Recognizing the difference between guilt and genuine desire

  • Saying “no” without over-explaining

  • Checking in with your emotional capacity before committing

  • Letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations for others AND yourself.

A holiday season filled with burnout and resentment isn’t a holiday—it’s a marathon.

Give Yourself Permission to Do What Feels Right

You owe it to yourself to make choices from a grounded place—not from guilt, fear, anxiety, or pressure.

Saying no to something that drains you is really saying yes to your mental health, your relationships, and your peace.

You deserve a holiday season that feels nourishing—not overwhelming.

If You Need Support This Holiday Season…

If you’re finding that this time of year is bringing up stress, overwhelm, or old patterns you’re ready to break, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I currently have openings for new clients and would be glad to support you in building healthy boundaries, managing anxiety, and breaking free from people-pleasing.

Feel free to reach out. You can email me or send a message—let’s make this season a little gentler together.

Filed Under: mental health, perfectionism, Therapy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why Life Feels So Hard in Your 20s — And How to Navigate It

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Life After the College Bubble

Your 20s are full of firsts, transitions, big decisions, highs, and missteps. Life can feel overwhelming, and perfectionism often ramps up during this decade—whether it’s starting your career, managing relationships, or figuring out your identity. Social media amplifies the pressure, showing curated snapshots of peers who seem to have it all together.

Leaving college can make the shift even more stark. In school, life existed in a bubble: you had a place to eat, a place to sleep, your basic needs were met, and your friends were always nearby. Your schedule was structured, expectations were clear, and support was built into your environment. After graduation, that safety net disappears. Suddenly, you are the one responsible for making all the decisions, building your support network, and figuring out life on your own. It’s no wonder everything feels bigger and harder.

Why Perfectionism Hits Harder in Your 20s

1. You’re carving your path.
In your 20s, you’re deciding who you want to be, what career to pursue, and what kind of life you want to build. Each decision feels high stakes, and mistakes can feel catastrophic, especially without that built in safety net.

2. Comparison is constant.
It’s easy to compare yourself to peers who appear “ahead,” “successful,” or “together.” Social media exaggerates these comparisons, making it feel like everyone else is doing better than you. Now it’s not just Instagram feeds but LinkedIn profiles. You see in real time, your peers landing their dream jobs or getting professional recognition.

3. Fear of falling behind.
You may believe that if you don’t get it right now, you’ll be permanently behind. This fear keeps you anxious and striving for perfection. Imposter syndrome kicks in. You get the feeling that you are not prepared to deal with being an adult.

These pressures feed a common worry: If I mess up, people will see I don’t belong, or I’m a fraud.

Why This Decade Feels Especially Challenging

Your 20s are a transitional decade. You’re no longer in the structured environment of college, but you haven’t fully settled into adult life either. Ambiguity is normal, yet it can make challenges feel amplified. Perfectionism thrives here, convincing you that any misstep is catastrophic when, in reality, mistakes are part of the growth process.

Strategies to Navigate Your 20s

  1. Practice Self-Compassion.
    Recognize that your 20s are a time for experimentation and learning. Mistakes don’t define your worth—they shape your resilience. Most successful people can look back and see that they were still figuring things out in their 20s (which is totally developmentally appropriate by the way).
  2. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection.
    Small, consistent steps toward your goals are more important than flawless execution. Daily self-care habits- getting a good night’s sleep, staying hydrated, moving your body, and getting the right nutrition for your body- can set you up for success.
  3. Limit Comparison.
    Remember, social media is a highlight reel. Everyone is figuring things out behind the scenes. If there is a way to limit your time on social media, do it.
  4. Reflect and Journal.
    Writing about your experiences and feelings can help you make sense of transitions and gain perspective on fears and anxieties. Putting pen to paper can help you gain the perspective you need to move forward.
  5. Reach Out for Support.
    Do not be afraid to ask for help. No one gets by in this world without it. Friends, mentors, and therapists can provide guidance, reassurance, and accountability as you navigate these years.
  6. Embrace Uncertainty and Mistakes.
    Try small “mistake exposures,” like sending a draft without obsessing over edits or trying a new activity without perfect execution. Each time, you build confidence and resilience. The more often you make small mistakes and see that the outcome is tolerable — people still like you, the world keeps turning — your brain learns: Mistakes aren’t dangerous. I can handle them.

Final Thoughts

Your 20s are meant to be a period of learning, experimentation, and growth. Life may feel hard right now, but the challenges you face are shaping you into a capable, resilient adult. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on growth, self-compassion, and enjoying the journey—even when it’s messy. The “bubble” of college is gone, but now you have the freedom to build a life that’s meaningful on your terms. There is a lot of uncertainty at this stage of life. Rather than treating the uncertainty like a threat, you can view it as a future with endless possibilities. It is up to you!

If you need extra support navigating this phase of life, please to reach out.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, development, journey, mental health, perfectionism, self-esteem Tagged With: , , , , ,

Why You Should Practice Making Mistakes

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Perfectionism promises excellence—but all too often, it delivers anxiety and self-doubt. What if part of the cure is doing the opposite of perfect?

What if making mistakes on purpose could actually help you grow stronger?

Why Perfectionism Holds You Back

Perfectionists set extremely high standards and often believe that self-worth depends on meeting them. Fear of mistakes keeps you stuck: you procrastinate, overwork, or avoid taking any action unless conditions are “just right.” Many experts believe that perfectionism is closely tied to shame. For example, if I do this perfectly, I can avoid criticism and therefore shame.

When things don’t go perfectly, self-criticism spikes, and the internal dialogue can become harsh: you blame yourself, second-guess your decisions, and ruminate on what went wrong.

Exposure Therapy: A Tool from Psychology

In therapy, there’s a technique called exposure therapy — the idea is to slowly and intentionally face what makes you anxious or afraid, learning to handle it over time. Gradually, the fear loses its power. You desensitize yourself to what was causing so much anxiety.

Applied to perfectionism, one approach is to practice making mistakes. Doing so teaches you that you can survive imperfection, that discomfort doesn’t kill you, and that sometimes, things turn out okay even when they aren’t “perfect.”

How to Practice “Mistake Exposures”

Here are some small steps to try:

  • Send an email with a minor typo.
  • Let an assignment be “good enough” instead of endlessly editing it.
  • Share an unfinished draft with a colleague or group member without obsessing over design or details.
  • Try a new activity, knowing you might look silly.
  • Create something imperfect.

Click here for a more extensive list

Each time, notice what happens. Are people mad? Probably not. Does your anxiety spike? Maybe. But you’ll learn you can cope. Over time, the anxiety lessens, and you grow confidence. A great mantra for anxiety is “I can handle this.”

What Research Tells Us

Recent studies show that intentional failure helps reduce the fear of mistakes. In one experiment, perfectionistic participants intentionally made errors (e.g., spelling mistakes, messing up tasks) so they could get used to being imperfect. Over time, they reported fewer fears, less avoidance, and less distress when things didn’t go “just right.” (Psychology Today)

Putting It Into Practice (Tips)

  • Start small. Begin with low-stakes mistakes — don’t jump straight to sending a public presentation with glaring errors.
  • Plan exposures. Decide beforehand what you’ll allow yourself to mess up and how you’ll handle the discomfort.
  • Practice self-compassion. Whether the mistake is intentional or accidental, treat yourself kindly. You’re doing valuable work.
  • Reflect. After an exposure, write or think: What did I feel? What was worse than I imagined? What was better? What did I learn?

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism isn’t just a drive for excellence — it keeps you trapped from living the life you want. Making mistakes on purpose is your way out. It’s a way to reclaim your power, to see yourself as human, capable, and resilient. You deserve to live a life where “good enough” doesn’t feel like failure — it feels like freedom.

If you’re feeling “not good enough” or find yourself obsessing over how others perceive you, I can help. I have openings for new clients and would love to support you on this journey. Feel free to hit the Contact button to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, teens, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Making Peace with the Unknown: How to Handle Life’s Uncertainty

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Why Uncertainty Feels Hard

Uncertainty is one of the hardest things for our brains to handle. We crave control, clear answers, and knowing what’s coming next. When life feels unpredictable — whether it’s waiting for test results, navigating a new job, or figuring out a relationship — our minds can go into overdrive, trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces.

But here’s the truth: life is full of uncertainty. Learning to tolerate it — not just push through it, but actually live well with it — is one of the most powerful skills you can build.

Why Our Brains Struggle with the Unknown

Our brains are prediction machines, wired to scan for danger and make plans. This survival mechanism was helpful in the past, but in today’s world, it often leads to unnecessary anxiety.

Lack of control triggers anxiety. We think that if we can just plan well enough, we can prevent bad things from happening. This false belief can intensify distress, especially when things go wrong despite our best efforts.

We exhaust ourselves trying to “figure it out.” Overthinking, Googling obsessively, ruminating, and seeking reassurance are all ways we try to avoid the discomfort of not knowing.

The Cost of Avoiding Uncertainty

Avoiding uncertainty comes at a price. Constantly checking emails, texts, and social media may feel soothing temporarily, but it actually ramps up anxiety over time. Overthinking and over-researching can lead to analysis paralysis, keeping us stuck and preventing action.

Trying to control the future is like running through a maze with no exit — because there’s no way to know anything for certain. The more we chase certainty, the more trapped and exhausted we feel.

Practical Strategies for Tolerating Uncertainty

1. Name It
Say to yourself, “I do not know what comes next. I am dealing with uncertainty.” Naming it helps your brain step back and observe rather than react. Most of life is uncertain — yet every day, you manage to get through it.

2. Shift Your Focus to the Present
When the outcome is beyond your control, focus on what is within your control today. One small, grounding action — a walk, a breathing exercise, or tidying a space — can keep you anchored in the present.

3. Practice “Uncertainty Exposures”
Like with perfectionism, you can build tolerance by practicing uncertainty in safe ways:

  • Go to a new restaurant without checking the menu first.
  • Send an email with a small typo.
  • Let a text sit unanswered for an hour.
  • Resist checking tracking info for an order.

Each time you do this, you learn that discomfort doesn’t last forever — and the worst-case scenario rarely happens.

4. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts
Do a quick brain dump of anxious or racing thoughts. Then ask yourself:

  • “What am I telling myself right now?”
  • “Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. This practice helps you identify which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

5. Practice Self-Compassion
Remind yourself: It’s normal to feel anxious about uncertainty. Everyone struggles with it at times. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re human.

Reframing Uncertainty

Uncertainty doesn’t always mean something bad is coming — it simply means the future is still unwritten. “Anything could happen” is a neutral statement, open to multiple possibilities.

Sometimes what you fear turns out better than you imagined. If you always knew the outcome, life would be pretty predictable — maybe even boring. Resilience grows when we face what we can’t control and still move forward.

Moving Forward

Uncertainty may never feel completely comfortable, but it can become tolerable — and even become a place where growth happens. Each time you choose to sit with not knowing, you build strength, patience, and courage. Over time, uncertainty transforms from a threat into an open door, inviting you to step forward with confidence.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, Mindfulness, perfectionism, Self Awareness, Therapy Tagged With: , , , , , ,

4 Ways to Break Free from the Cycle of Perfectionism

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The Perfectionism Trap

You see it everywhere — on your Insta feed, in group chats, in the way people talk about their endless to-do lists and self-improvement goals. You’re told to eat cleaner, work harder, travel more, work out more, glow up, and somehow have the time and energy to have fun. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

Perfectionism tricks you into thinking that if you just hit the next goal — lose 10 pounds, pick the perfect career, and keep your skincare routine flawless — then you’ll finally feel okay. But is this actually making you happy, or just making you tired?

What Perfectionism Does to You

Living in “must be perfect” mode doesn’t just push you to work harder — it can wear you down. You might notice:

  • Beating yourself up for tiny mistakes.
  • Trouble relaxing because there’s always “more” you should be doing.
  • Comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel and feeling behind.
  • Pushing yourself until you burn out — then blaming yourself for being tired.

Perfectionism can feel productive, but it’s often fueled by fear — fear of failing, fear of not measuring up, or fear of being “too much” or “not enough.” According to an article in Psychology Today, “Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences.”

How to Break the Cycle

The good news? Perfectionism doesn’t have to run your life. You can have big goals and show yourself some grace along the way.

Here are four practical tools to help you step out of the perfectionism trap:

1. Ground Yourself

Stop. Put your phone down. Take one deep, slow breath. Give yourself five seconds and just pause.

This is your reset button — a chance to step off autopilot and decide what actually matters right now. In this moment, remind yourself: you are safe. Nothing is on fire.

2. Ask What YOU Want

Perfectionism is sneaky — it makes you chase what you think you’re supposed to want. Pause and ask:

  • “Is this really for me, or because I think I should?”
  • “What do I actually want for my life right now?”

Then act on it. Add in the things that bring you joy, even if they feel “cringe” or unconventional. Your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.

3. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts

When your mind feels noisy, try a quick brain dump: write down every anxious, judgmental, or racing thought swirling around. Then take a moment to reflect:

  • “What am I telling myself right now?”
  • “Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. Writing them out helps you notice which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

4. Practice Making Mistakes

One of the best ways to loosen perfectionism’s grip is to practice making mistakes — on purpose. This is a form of exposure therapy, where we intentionally face the things that trigger us, little by little, to build resilience.

For perfectionism, this might look like:

  • Sending an email with a small typo.
  • Posting a photo on social media that isn’t perfectly curated or facetuned.
  • Submitting an assignment that is “good enough” instead of endlessly revising it.

Each time you do this, you teach your brain that imperfection is survivable — and often, not nearly as catastrophic as it feels in the moment.

When to Talk to Someone

If perfectionism is affecting your mental health, relationships, or ability to enjoy life, it may be time to reach out for support.

Therapy can help you understand where this pressure is coming from, quiet negative self-talk, and build tools to live a life that actually feels good — not just one that looks good.

If you are struggling with feeling “not good enough”, please do not hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone!

Click here if you are ready to get started.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, social media, teens, Therapy Tagged With: , , , , ,