Home for the Holidays: Avoiding People-Pleasing & Setting Boundaries This Season

November 25, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and cozy traditions—but it can also stir up anxiety, pressure, and old habits like people-pleasing and perfectionism. Many of us feel pulled in a million different directions, trying to keep everyone happy and show up for every event… even when it leaves us exhausted.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and this year can be your year to approach the holidays differently.

You Don’t Have to Say Yes to Everything

A gentle reminder:
You are not required to attend every event, participate in every tradition, or be available to everyone throughout this holiday season. You deserve to choose what feels sustainable for you.

Of course, life isn’t about avoiding every inconvenience– we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But if something interferes with your basic needs—your sleep, meals, medical appointments, physical health, or emotional well-being—then it’s absolutely okay for the answer to be “no“.

Overcommitting is often a sign of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or anxiety. If you find yourself stretched thin, it may be because fear of disappointing people is driving your decisions rather than your values.

Before You Say “Yes”… Ask Yourself These Questions

Pause and check in with yourself:

Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to be helpful—or because I’m afraid of upsetting someone?
People-pleasing can look like kindness on the surface, but underneath is fear: fear of conflict, rejection, or disappointing others.
Will this drain my energy?
Picture yourself after the event or commitment. Will you feel grounded and connected—or overwhelmed and depleted?
Does saying yes affect my ability to show up for the people and responsibilities that truly matter to me?
When perfectionism pushes you to be everything to everyone, you lose the ability to be present where it matters most.

Your Needs Don’t Disappear Just Because It’s the Holidays

You still need rest. You still need downtime. You still need meals, movement, sleep, medication schedules, and emotional space.

Ignoring these needs often increases anxiety and resentment—and makes the season feel heavier than it needs to.

Honoring your limits is not selfish. It’s necessary.

It’s Not Your Job to Manage Everyone’s Reactions

This is the hardest part for my clients who struggle with people-pleasing:
You can set a boundary kindly and respectfully—and someone may still feel disappointed. Their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary was wrong.

You are responsible for communicating with clarity and kindness.
You are not responsible for managing someone else’s emotions about your decisions.

Let other people have their feelings. You are allowed to prioritize your well-being.

A Healthier Way to Approach This Holiday Season

Instead of running yourself into the ground, try:

Choosing plans that align with your values
Leaving room for rest and flexibility
Recognizing the difference between guilt and genuine desire
Saying “no” without over-explaining
Checking in with your emotional capacity before committing
Letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations for others AND yourself.

A holiday season filled with burnout and resentment isn’t a holiday—it’s a marathon.

Give Yourself Permission to Do What Feels Right

You owe it to yourself to make choices from a grounded place—not from guilt, fear, anxiety, or pressure.

Saying no to something that drains you is really saying yes to your mental health, your relationships, and your peace.

You deserve a holiday season that feels nourishing—not overwhelming.

If You Need Support This Holiday Season…

If you’re finding that this time of year is bringing up stress, overwhelm, or old patterns you’re ready to break, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I currently have openings for new clients and would be glad to support you in building healthy boundaries, managing anxiety, and breaking free from people-pleasing.

Feel free to reach out. You can email me or send a message—let’s make this season a little gentler together.

Filed Under: mental health, perfectionism, Therapy Tagged With: adulting, anxiety support, boundaries, emerging adults, holiday stress, holidays, millennial, people pleasing, perfectionism, self compassion, stress management, uncertainty, wellness, young adult, young adult mental health

Why Life Feels So Hard in Your 20s — And How to Navigate It

October 7, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

Life After the College Bubble

Your 20s are full of firsts, transitions, big decisions, highs, and missteps. Life can feel overwhelming, and perfectionism often ramps up during this decade—whether it’s starting your career, managing relationships, or figuring out your identity. Social media amplifies the pressure, showing curated snapshots of peers who seem to have it all together.

Leaving college can make the shift even more stark. In school, life existed in a bubble: you had a place to eat, a place to sleep, your basic needs were met, and your friends were always nearby. Your schedule was structured, expectations were clear, and support was built into your environment. After graduation, that safety net disappears. Suddenly, you are the one responsible for making all the decisions, building your support network, and figuring out life on your own. It’s no wonder everything feels bigger and harder.

Why Perfectionism Hits Harder in Your 20s

1. You’re carving your path.
In your 20s, you’re deciding who you want to be, what career to pursue, and what kind of life you want to build. Each decision feels high stakes, and mistakes can feel catastrophic, especially without that built in safety net.

2. Comparison is constant.
It’s easy to compare yourself to peers who appear “ahead,” “successful,” or “together.” Social media exaggerates these comparisons, making it feel like everyone else is doing better than you. Now it’s not just Instagram feeds but LinkedIn profiles. You see in real time, your peers landing their dream jobs or getting professional recognition.

3. Fear of falling behind.
You may believe that if you don’t get it right now, you’ll be permanently behind. This fear keeps you anxious and striving for perfection. Imposter syndrome kicks in. You get the feeling that you are not prepared to deal with being an adult.

These pressures feed a common worry: If I mess up, people will see I don’t belong, or I’m a fraud.

Why This Decade Feels Especially Challenging

Your 20s are a transitional decade. You’re no longer in the structured environment of college, but you haven’t fully settled into adult life either. Ambiguity is normal, yet it can make challenges feel amplified. Perfectionism thrives here, convincing you that any misstep is catastrophic when, in reality, mistakes are part of the growth process.

Strategies to Navigate Your 20s

Practice Self-Compassion.
Recognize that your 20s are a time for experimentation and learning. Mistakes don’t define your worth—they shape your resilience. Most successful people can look back and see that they were still figuring things out in their 20s (which is totally developmentally appropriate by the way).
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection.
Small, consistent steps toward your goals are more important than flawless execution. Daily self-care habits- getting a good night’s sleep, staying hydrated, moving your body, and getting the right nutrition for your body- can set you up for success.
Limit Comparison.
Remember, social media is a highlight reel. Everyone is figuring things out behind the scenes. If there is a way to limit your time on social media, do it.
Reflect and Journal.
Writing about your experiences and feelings can help you make sense of transitions and gain perspective on fears and anxieties. Putting pen to paper can help you gain the perspective you need to move forward.
Reach Out for Support.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. No one gets by in this world without it. Friends, mentors, and therapists can provide guidance, reassurance, and accountability as you navigate these years.
Embrace Uncertainty and Mistakes.
Try small “mistake exposures,” like sending a draft without obsessing over edits or trying a new activity without perfect execution. Each time, you build confidence and resilience. The more often you make small mistakes and see that the outcome is tolerable — people still like you, the world keeps turning — your brain learns: Mistakes aren’t dangerous. I can handle them.

Final Thoughts

Your 20s are meant to be a period of learning, experimentation, and growth. Life may feel hard right now, but the challenges you face are shaping you into a capable, resilient adult. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on growth, self-compassion, and enjoying the journey—even when it’s messy. The “bubble” of college is gone, but now you have the freedom to build a life that’s meaningful on your terms. There is a lot of uncertainty at this stage of life. Rather than treating the uncertainty like a threat, you can view it as a future with endless possibilities. It is up to you!

If you need extra support navigating this phase of life, please to reach out.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, development, journey, mental health, perfectionism, self-esteem Tagged With: adulting, anxiety support, emerging adults, perfectionism, self care, young adult mental health

Making Peace with the Unknown: How to Handle Life’s Uncertainty

September 17, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

Why Uncertainty Feels Hard

Uncertainty is one of the hardest things for our brains to handle. We crave control, clear answers, and knowing what’s coming next. When life feels unpredictable — whether it’s waiting for test results, navigating a new job, or figuring out a relationship — our minds can go into overdrive, trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces.

But here’s the truth: life is full of uncertainty. Learning to tolerate it — not just push through it, but actually live well with it — is one of the most powerful skills you can build.

Why Our Brains Struggle with the Unknown

Our brains are prediction machines, wired to scan for danger and make plans. This survival mechanism was helpful in the past, but in today’s world, it often leads to unnecessary anxiety.

Lack of control triggers anxiety. We think that if we can just plan well enough, we can prevent bad things from happening. This false belief can intensify distress, especially when things go wrong despite our best efforts.

We exhaust ourselves trying to “figure it out.” Overthinking, Googling obsessively, ruminating, and seeking reassurance are all ways we try to avoid the discomfort of not knowing.

The Cost of Avoiding Uncertainty

Avoiding uncertainty comes at a price. Constantly checking emails, texts, and social media may feel soothing temporarily, but it actually ramps up anxiety over time. Overthinking and over-researching can lead to analysis paralysis, keeping us stuck and preventing action.

Trying to control the future is like running through a maze with no exit — because there’s no way to know anything for certain. The more we chase certainty, the more trapped and exhausted we feel.

Practical Strategies for Tolerating Uncertainty

1. Name It
Say to yourself, “I do not know what comes next. I am dealing with uncertainty.” Naming it helps your brain step back and observe rather than react. Most of life is uncertain — yet every day, you manage to get through it.

2. Shift Your Focus to the Present
When the outcome is beyond your control, focus on what is within your control today. One small, grounding action — a walk, a breathing exercise, or tidying a space — can keep you anchored in the present.

3. Practice “Uncertainty Exposures”
Like with perfectionism, you can build tolerance by practicing uncertainty in safe ways:

Go to a new restaurant without checking the menu first.
Send an email with a small typo.
Let a text sit unanswered for an hour.
Resist checking tracking info for an order.

Each time you do this, you learn that discomfort doesn’t last forever — and the worst-case scenario rarely happens.

4. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts
Do a quick brain dump of anxious or racing thoughts. Then ask yourself:

“What am I telling myself right now?”
“Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. This practice helps you identify which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

5. Practice Self-Compassion
Remind yourself: It’s normal to feel anxious about uncertainty. Everyone struggles with it at times. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re human.

Reframing Uncertainty

Uncertainty doesn’t always mean something bad is coming — it simply means the future is still unwritten. “Anything could happen” is a neutral statement, open to multiple possibilities.

Sometimes what you fear turns out better than you imagined. If you always knew the outcome, life would be pretty predictable — maybe even boring. Resilience grows when we face what we can’t control and still move forward.

Moving Forward

Uncertainty may never feel completely comfortable, but it can become tolerable — and even become a place where growth happens. Each time you choose to sit with not knowing, you build strength, patience, and courage. Over time, uncertainty transforms from a threat into an open door, inviting you to step forward with confidence.

Filed Under: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, Mindfulness, perfectionism, Self Awareness, Therapy Tagged With: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, perfectionism, stress management, teen therapy, uncertainty

4 Ways to Break Free from the Cycle of Perfectionism

September 11, 2025 by Meghan Renzi

The Perfectionism Trap

You see it everywhere — on your Insta feed, in group chats, in the way people talk about their endless to-do lists and self-improvement goals. You’re told to eat cleaner, work harder, travel more, work out more, glow up, and somehow have the time and energy to have fun. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

Perfectionism tricks you into thinking that if you just hit the next goal — lose 10 pounds, pick the perfect career, and keep your skincare routine flawless — then you’ll finally feel okay. But is this actually making you happy, or just making you tired?

What Perfectionism Does to You

Living in “must be perfect” mode doesn’t just push you to work harder — it can wear you down. You might notice:

Beating yourself up for tiny mistakes.
Trouble relaxing because there’s always “more” you should be doing.
Comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel and feeling behind.
Pushing yourself until you burn out — then blaming yourself for being tired.

Perfectionism can feel productive, but it’s often fueled by fear — fear of failing, fear of not measuring up, or fear of being “too much” or “not enough.” According to an article in Psychology Today, “Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences.”

How to Break the Cycle

The good news? Perfectionism doesn’t have to run your life. You can have big goals and show yourself some grace along the way.

Here are four practical tools to help you step out of the perfectionism trap:

1. Ground Yourself

Stop. Put your phone down. Take one deep, slow breath. Give yourself five seconds and just pause.

This is your reset button — a chance to step off autopilot and decide what actually matters right now. In this moment, remind yourself: you are safe. Nothing is on fire.

2. Ask What YOU Want

Perfectionism is sneaky — it makes you chase what you think you’re supposed to want. Pause and ask:

“Is this really for me, or because I think I should?”
“What do I actually want for my life right now?”

Then act on it. Add in the things that bring you joy, even if they feel “cringe” or unconventional. Your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.

3. Journal & Reality-Check Your Thoughts

When your mind feels noisy, try a quick brain dump: write down every anxious, judgmental, or racing thought swirling around. Then take a moment to reflect:

“What am I telling myself right now?”
“Is that really true?”

Your feelings are always valid, but your thoughts aren’t always facts. Writing them out helps you notice which thoughts are helpful and which you can let go of.

4. Practice Making Mistakes

One of the best ways to loosen perfectionism’s grip is to practice making mistakes — on purpose. This is a form of exposure therapy, where we intentionally face the things that trigger us, little by little, to build resilience.

For perfectionism, this might look like:

Sending an email with a small typo.
Posting a photo on social media that isn’t perfectly curated or facetuned.
Submitting an assignment that is “good enough” instead of endlessly revising it.

Each time you do this, you teach your brain that imperfection is survivable — and often, not nearly as catastrophic as it feels in the moment.

When to Talk to Someone

If perfectionism is affecting your mental health, relationships, or ability to enjoy life, it may be time to reach out for support.

Therapy can help you understand where this pressure is coming from, quiet negative self-talk, and build tools to live a life that actually feels good — not just one that looks good.

If you are struggling with feeling “not good enough”, please do not hesitate to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone!

Click here if you are ready to get started.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, mental health, perfectionism, Self Awareness, self-esteem, social media, teens, Therapy Tagged With: anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy, perfectionism, shame, teens, young adult

Anxiety Explained

May 2, 2019 by Meghan Renzi

Why am I feeling anxious?

Anxiety is quite the buzzword these days. It seems like every teen I meet has struggled with some form of anxiety, whether it is social anxiety, stress related to academics or a general sense of dread about the future. The truth is we all have anxiety. Our bodies are equipped with an alarm system that lets us know which situations are safe and which ones could be dangerous. When this alarm system is overactive, our bodies respond to benign situations as if they are dangerous. An example could be experiencing extreme fear when having to give a presentation. When someone’s anxiety interferes with daily life or is extremely out of proportion to actual threats then an individual may be diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder.

In her latest book, Under Pressure, Dr. Lisa D’Amour sheds light on how anxiety can actually serve as an ally. Despite the common discussion, anxiety is not all bad. Anxiety is a warning sign, letting you know that something is off or there is something you need to pay attention to in your current environment. For example, your anxiety may be triggered when you are walking home alone at night in an unfamiliar area. In this example, the fear that is activated is actually helpful because it alerts you to the fact that your current circumstances could become unsafe. Other times it may be more subtle. You may feel anxious if you have been procrastinating on a school paper that is due in the next few days. Here your anxiety is working as “a protector”, helping you avoid the potential consequences of not turning in your work on time.

Here is what happens to your body when the alarm response is triggered.

When the brain interprets a situation as threatening, stress hormones are released triggering the body’s fight/flight/freeze response. The sympathetic nervous symptom is now activated. You may notice increased heart rate, sweating, shortness of breath, and/or digestive issues. Emotionally you may feel nervous, irritable or a sense of impending doom. Your mind will scan your environment for threats and logical thinking goes out the window.

“Anxiety overestimates how bad something is going to be and underestimates our ability to deal with it”. -Dr. Lisa Damour

Here are a few things to consider:

Anxiety can affect one’s thoughts, physiology, and behavior. Not paying attention to your basic biological needs can often be a culprit for anxiety symptoms. Feeling hungry or tired can make your alarm system more susceptive to become activated in unnecessary situations. Additionally, believing that you have little or no control over your circumstances can also contribute to worsening anxiety symptoms. Finally, not having adequate emotional support can certainly make anxiety worse.

So what can you do when you feel anxious?

Ask yourself: Is there something here I need to pay attention to? Sometimes mild anxiety can alert you to the behavior you may want to change. Did you just say something that you might regret? Are you putting off a project that you should’ve started last week? Often recognizing and remedying behavior can be enough to calm the nervous system.
Try grounding yourself. The 5,4,3,2,1 Game helps you interrupt the anxiety loop. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste to bring yourself back to the present. Another helpful grounding tool is 3 S’s. Recognize the Surface you are sitting or standing on, notice physical Sensations like the temperature of the air touching your skin, and finally notice all the Sounds around you at this moment.
Deep breathing is an excellent way to activate the Parasympathetic nervous system which triggers the body’s relaxation response. When your breathing is slow and deliberate, your brain gets the signal that you are safe. Try these helpful breathing techniques: Square breathing Diaphragmatic breathing.
Recognize just like any other feeling, this too shall pass. All your feelings come and go. You have never had one feeling that lasted forever. It may be extremely uncomfortable but if you can ride it out, you will see that you are capable of handling this emotion.
Make sure you have a support team to reach out to, whether it is a friend, parent or counselor. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be a helpful treatment for those suffering from anxiety disorders. Group therapy can also be a great place to share openly with people struggling with similar issues.

Finally, remember you will have to practice these techniques over and over to rewire your brain’s response. The more you practice, the more you train your brain to respond to situations in a new way. Be sure to reach out to your healthcare provider if you have noticed worsening anxiety symptoms.

5 ways to survive the end of the school year

May 22, 2018 by Meghan Renzi

5 ways to survive the end of the school year.

The end of the school year can be rough. April and May are typically the busiest months for mental health professionals. Interestingly enough, April is Stress Awareness Month and May is Mental Health Awareness Month! For many of the teens and college students who I work with, the end of the school year is a particularly stressful time—deadlines, a pressure to complete assignments that were put off and studying for finals. Maybe you are starting a new school in the fall or going away to college. The awareness that these transitions are approaching can also contribute to anxiety during the last few months of school… And don’t disregard the fact that you have been in school for almost 9 months now and you are probably exhausted!

So how do you finish this marathon without burning out?

Here are 5 helpful tools:

Keep things in perspective. Stressful situations are easier for most people when there is an endpoint in sight. Remember that you are nearing the end of the school year and the barrage of academic demands will end shortly. If you find yourself overwhelmed, it might be helpful to lower the expectations you are placing on yourself. Focus on getting your work done. Remember it does not have to be perfect. Education, whether it is high school, college or grad school is a place for you to learn. It is okay to not have all the answers and make mistakes. If you knew everything 100% you wouldn’t need to be in school! Do the best you can with what is in front of you.
Practice grounding. When anxiety takes over your brain, it can be extremely difficult to think rationally. Panic symptoms can cause you to go into fight or flight mode, which is not using your higher level thinking. So how do you get your logical brain back onboard? Hit the pause and let yourself just be. Feel your feet on the ground. Notice your surroundings. The 5,4,3, 2,1 game can be a great way to bring yourself back to the here and now. Scan your current environment for 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, listen for 3 things you can hear, find 2 things to smell and 1 thing to taste. This grounding exercise can be a quick way to bring you back to the present moment.
Let yourself feel your feelings. It is okay to feel angry, “over it”, tired, disappointed or sad. Whatever you are feeling, allow yourself to feel it. Feelings are feelings, they are not good or bad and there is no reason to suppress how you are feeling. Let yourself Ride the wave, in other words, let yourself surf the intense emotion rather than trying to change it. Remember, no emotion is permanent, allow yourself to experience what you are feeling in the moment without judgment.
Schedule activities to look forward to. I think by now most people are aware that positive incentives can increase motivation. Whether or not your grades are where you want them to be, you worked hard this year, so give yourself a reward. Examples of rewards could be getting a massage or pedicure, planning a dinner date with some friends or taking a weekend trip that you’ve been putting off.
Join a group. Having some accountability can be super helpful if you are struggling to stay motivated during these last few weeks of school. Being with peers can also provide a safe place to vent about what is bothering you and see that you are not alone. Group members can often provide helpful solutions, sharing what has worked for them. Group therapy can also be a great place to share your feelings in a safe supportive setting, without the threat of judgment.

It can be so hard to keep the momentum going at this juncture. Give yourself a break, let yourself feel, be where you are and talk it out. There is a light at the end of this tunnel!

Feel free to post any other tips you have for surviving the end of the school year.

Teen girls- contact me if you are interested in joining a therapy group this summer.

5 Ways Group Can Change Your Teen’s Life

February 15, 2018 by Meghan Renzi

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your teen had deeper social connections? And I don’t mean over social media. I mean real face to face human contact! Technology is amazing. In many ways, we are more “connected” than ever. We can keep in touch with friends we haven’t seen in years and we can chat with people across the globe. Even some Therapists are moving to an online platform for providing services. It makes one wonder what implications these innovations have for human connection.

Why are more and more people reporting a deep sense of loneliness?

We are living in a time where you have the option to be more socially isolated. Now think about your teen. It can be way more comfortable (and accessible) to make connections online than in person. So chances are a good percentage of what your child digests about the world and other people is from social media. Your daughter looks at her friends’ Snapchat stories and sees peers posting seemingly perfect avatars. She sees her Instagram feed showing airbrushed models and friends displaying a filtered version of an average, awkward teenage existence.

So how do you convince your kid that what she sees online is not always reality? How do you help your girl to see that she is not alone— that there are other girls who are going through almost the exact same thing? Afterall, there are not a lot of teens modeling failure or vulnerability on Instagram.

Your teen needs true social connection.

It may sound obvious but lack of face to face connection can lead to increased feelings of loneliness, especially among the adolescent population. Adolescents are in a stage of development where peer acceptance becomes especially important. The need to feel a part of the group can cause some teens to go against their own values in order to be accepted. Feeling alone and isolated can be incredibly painful during the teenage years. Has your daughter ever said “No one understands me”, “I will never fit in”, or “No one else at my school has to deal with this”? More often than not, we tend to view our own problems as unique.

Social Connection improves your overall health.

Research shows that social connection is the number one indicator of good mental health. “Dozens of studies have shown that people who have satisfying relationships with family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer. Conversely, a relative lack of social ties is associated with depression and later-life cognitive decline, as well as with increased mortality” (Harvard Health Publications, 2010). Positive social connections refer to quality relationships— people you can be real with, people who support you and accept you just as you are. Positive social connections are an integral part of psychological wellness at all stages of life. Why? Because human beings are social creatures. Historically, being connected has been a huge part of our survival.

The magic happens when the mask comes off.

Group therapy can be a great place to start making these social connections. The group is an amazing treatment modality. Participants can build healthy connections with peers and have a safe place to share what is really going on. When members are honest, they find that they actually relate to one another on a deeper level.

Here are 5 benefits of group therapy:

Groups help build a social connection.

As stated earlier, having satisfying relationships is an integral part of mental health. Group therapy can bring people together with similar issues and thus “relating in” can happen pretty quickly. With the help of a facilitator, group members can share struggles, listen and oftentimes explore solutions. Being in a group setting will also help your daughter enhance her social skills, which can mean being a better friend, partner, and teammate.
Group fosters a sense of belonging.

It may not be easy for your teen to let her guard down in her everyday life but in a group, opening up about what is bothering you is encouraged. Vulnerability is where connection happens. Vulnerability means letting the real you shine through. It is about belonging, not fitting in. Brene Brown discusses the difference between fitting in and belonging in her book, the Gifts of Imperfection. Brown states “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming what you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are”.
Your teen has a chance to give back and feel useful.

Group can give your child a unique opportunity to give and get support. Group members can be a sounding board for your teen. Often, members who are further along in the group process can offer different perspectives. What’s more, research shows that giving back in a way that feels useful, like offering support to another group members, can do wonders for one’s self-esteem.
Your teen can get extra support and accountability.

I have heard this from almost every parent I work with— “She doesn’t listen to me, I guess she needs to hear it from someone else”. The reality is that your teen is more likely to be open with peers rather than adults. Group members hold one another accountable and will call each other out. Peer pressure can work in a positive way in a group setting where peers share similar goals. It is also so helpful for teens to get validation and support from peers.
She may feel better faster.

Being a part of a community and having a sense of belonging can have remarkable healing effects. Group therapy has often been compared to having a mirror held up. Being among peers struggling with similar issues can give your teen a place where she can “see herself” and with that see opportunities for growth and change. As a result, suffering can be reduced in less time.

Does Group replace individual therapy?

Group does not have to replace individual therapy. Many find that group is a helpful supplement to individual therapy. In addition, the group can be a place to practice some skills from individual therapy. From an economic perspective, a group can be less expensive than individual therapy and, for many mental health issues, just as effective as individual therapy. Many find that group therapy is all they need to start getting relief.

Where do I find a group for my teen?

Ask a mental health professional like your child’s therapist or psychiatrist. Many therapy practices offer group therapy, including my own. Often getting a personal recommendation from someone you trust can be best. You can also ask your child’s pediatrician or school counselor. Obviously, there is a wealth of information online. Psychology today is a great resource. You can search for local group therapy resources.

So maybe your daughter is scared to join a group. The fear of being judged can be paralyzing. The good news is your daughter is probably already in some kind of group, whether it is a sports team, club or even a class. Encourage your daughter to get out of her comfort zone. Share with her some of the health benefits of positive social connections. Remember— If nothing changes, nothing changes. Group therapy can be a powerful container for change.

We can’t stay silent on the topic of teen suicide. What parents and teens can do.

December 13, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Over the past few weeks, our community has been rocked by 2 teen suicides. Both teens were students at prominent Kensington High Schools. These tragedies are becoming all too common. We hear about it on the news and over social media. According to Mary Anderson, spokeswoman for the Montgomery County Department of Health and Human Services, there have been 5 teen suicides in Montgomery County this year.

There is certainly speculation about the correlation between social media and the rise in child and teen suicides in this country. Cyberbullying, a relatively new phenomenon, has become a major source of stress for today’s teen. There is pressure to present a certain image to the outside world, while what is going on inside often remains hidden. In the Washington DC area, in particular, there is an inordinate amount of value placed on achievement. According to a 2017 article in Forbes magazine, Washington DC is the 2nd most educated city in the United States. The comparison trap is a dangerous one. For emotionally fragile teens, the pressure to succeed is magnified. While we may not be able to change the culture, we can certainly change our attitude towards it.

Facts about Teen Suicide:

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Teens are more likely to tell a peer, rather than an adult if they are having thoughts of suicide.
Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment (NAMI).
There is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes (CDC).
“Among teenagers, suicide attempts may be associated with feelings of stress, self-doubt, the pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. For some teens, suicide may appear to be a solution to their problems” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry).

What parents can do:

Talk to your kids. Parents need to talk about this. Of course, it is uncomfortable to talk about suicide. Many parents worry that bringing up the topic of suicide will ignite those ideations in their child. However, just like sex and drugs, teen suicide is a reality in the world today. Let your child know that they can come to you with anything. Ask open-ended questions. Let them know how you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Having an open conversation about suicide will help your child feel more comfortable coming to you for help.
Watch for warning signs. It is so important for parents to know what to watch for when it comes to suicide risk factors. Withdrawal from peers, hopelessness, loss of interest, a decline in hygiene, use of drugs and alcohol as a means to escape, hypersomnia or lack of sleep, and loss of appetite are just some of the warning signs. In addition, you may notice personality changes and increased feelings of apathy (for example– a “who cares” or “nothing matters” attitude).
Ask for help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, go to a mental health professional for guidance or join a parent support group. You don’t have to do it alone. When your child has a physical ailment, you take them to the doctor. You aren’t expected to fix a medical problem on your own. The same goes for psychiatric issues. If you are worried about your child’s mental health, professional help is a must. While it may look like something that is in your child’s control, it is not. There is a common misconception that people with depression and thoughts of suicide can simply snap out of it.

What teens can do:

Talk about your own experience and break the silence. We live in a world where so much of our private lives have been made public. However, there are still certain things that we tend to keep to ourselves. Most of us have been programmed to feel shame when it comes to mental health issues. What if we felt open to share how we actually felt? What if you shared that you go to therapy, experience anxiety or are having issues with depression? You don’t have to feed into the stigma. Mental health issues are a reality.
Don’t add to the problem, be a part of the solution. If you see something, say something– whether it is bullying over social media or noticing warning signs of depression in a friend. If you know someone who is suffering, offer support and tell a trusted adult, like a parent or guidance counselor. Staying silent only feeds into the problem.
Join a group or start a group.
Groups can be a great place to open up and share what is really going on in a safe supportive environment. Whether it is a peer-led self-help group or a group run by a therapist or counselor, hearing other people’s stories can help you to see that you are not in this alone. A group setting can provide a place for you to “relate in” and learn how others were able to manage similar issues.

Remember if you or a friend are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone you trust. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. Asking for help takes courage but there is support available if you need it.

Resources

Facts About Suicide

References

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, group, mental health, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self harm, self-esteem, social media, suicide, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts

To the Teen Already Suffering From Anxiety: How to Process Tragic Events.

October 4, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

If you are a teen growing up in today’s world, chances are you feel constantly bombarded with information, often bad news. After the mass shooting in Las Vegas, I thought about how some of my adolescent and young adult patients would respond. Most of the young people I work with are already dealing with anxiety on some level. I have to reflect on how I would have processed such a scary assault back when I was a teenager. I recall being in high school during the 9/11 terrorist attack and how terrifying that was for my peers and me. The news coverage back then seemed neverending. The world certainly changed after that day in 2001 but the terror has not stopped.

Today we have even more access to information thanks to the internet. You see coverage of hurricanes, war, violent protests and mass shootings. Here is the scary part: we cannot predict what will happen next. Sometimes it might feel like everywhere you look there is devastation. So how do you manage panic? How do you send your body the message that right now you are safe?

Here are 3 things you can do to take back your control.

1. Limit your social media and news. Social media often becomes a place for people to voice their opinions after such tragedies. While raising awareness of the issues is great, it’s not uncommon for Facebook and Twitter to become a battleground for opposing political opinions. Watching these arguments can give rise to emotions like anger, frustration, and fear. While these emotions are not “bad”, constantly feeding them can create more anxiety and stress in your body.

In terms of watching the news, there is no need to be checking on what is happening 24/7. Seeing terror on the television or watching videos online can cause a traumatic response in the viewer and increase panic symptoms.

2. Practice grounding. Our bodies respond to stress by going into fight, flight or freeze mode. While you may not be in any physical danger currently, your physical response may tell you that you are. Bringing yourself back into your body, in the present moment, can be a great way to get out of your head. One tool I teach my clients on a regular basis is the 5,4,3,2,1 game. I advise clients to come back into the here and now by noticing 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell and 1 thing they can taste. This practice can help you to become more present instead of ruminating over the past or worrying about what the future holds. Other helpful grounding practices are belly breathing and physical contact– (like hugging friends, family, and pets).

Remember in this moment you are safe.

3. Do something. It can be easy to write a post about how you feel on social media. It may require more effort to enact bigger change. Start a fundraiser at your high school, raise awareness in your community about the issues or write your congressmen. Click on the links below for ways to help the those affected by the recent hurricanes and the victims of the shooting in Las Vegas.

Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands

Las Vegas

Finally, if you notice any anxiety, trauma or mood symptoms worsening, you may need help from a mental health professional. Tell your parent or caregiver that you are struggling and know that help is available. You don’t have to do anything alone!

Your Questions Answered: How Yoga Can Help Your Mental Health.

September 22, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

What is Yoga?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say “I can’t do yoga I am not flexible”. The truth is yoga is not just about the poses! The word “yoga” actually comes from the phrase “to yoke” or to bring together. Yoga is a way to connect mind, body, and breath. Because this mindful practice includes breath control, centering, and physical movement, it is often referred to as a “moving meditation”. Yoga does not have to be bending into a pretzel or that classic image of svelte models effortlessly floating into dancer pose.

The physical health benefits are numerous and well documented in medical journals. A regular yoga practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health, relief from chronic pain, arthritis and better sleep, in addition to improving muscle strength and posture. Awareness of breath helps you to slow down your thoughts and incorporate more body awareness.

Okay, so what about the mental health benefits?

Most people are aware that practicing yoga will calm your body down. Having a mindfulness practice can also encourage you to stay present with whatever is happening. Oftentimes we are wrapped up in what has happened in the past or what we believe will happen in the future. I can speak for myself when I say that I often get carried away with my thoughts, worries, and “What Ifs”.

Coming back into your breath can take the focus out of your head and into your body. Something magical happens when you connect with your body. Staying in the moment allows you be open to all of the wonderful possibilities your life has to offer.

How can yoga help my depression?

Most of us know that physical exercise is beneficial to one suffering from depression. Yoga is awesome because it incorporates mindfulness with the movement that does not have to be strenuous. Often in depression, the sufferer will experience lethargy, rumination, feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Practicing yoga and meditation can combat these symptoms and even increase production of feel-good chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin. The practices of yoga and meditation have been noted to activate these neurotransmitters that help regulate mood.

What about my anxiety?

Yoga is a great exercise for someone dealing with anxiety. Often people who suffer from anxiety disorders are preoccupied with what is going on in their heads. Predicting unpleasant events and re-living uncomfortable situations are common for those who struggle with anxiety. Yoga allows space to notice that right now, in this moment, everything is okay. Patients who have been diagnosed with panic disorders and other anxiety disorders, typically have decreased GABA activity in the brain. The chemicals that are released in the brain during a yoga class have been compared to the effects of the Benzodiazepine class of anti-anxiety medication.

I am struggling with addiction. Can yoga help me?

Having a yoga practice can definitely be a helpful supplement to addiction treatment and recovery programs. As stated earlier, Yoga and other mindfulness practices can increase blissful chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin, which can be responsible for that post-yoga class euphoric feeling. Additionally, having a routine can be beneficial for anyone dealing with a mental health concern. Adding yoga to your schedule can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy in a positive way.

Do kids and teens benefit from yoga?

Absolutely. In fact, yoga can help children to be more aware of the way their bodies move, while also building comfort with those growing bodies. Teaching mindful movement and meditation to younger children will allow them to learn to focus and be present. Integrating breath and movement can also help with emotional regulation. For teens, yoga can help improve self-esteem by increasing body gratitude and building a sense of community.

How often should I practice?

If I could practice every day I totally would! I think incorporating some kind of mindful exercise whether it is meditation, yoga or prayer, can be a helpful way to start the day. If it starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to prioritize and look at what else is taking up your time. A lot of people find that the calm they feel after going to a yoga class or practicing yoga on their own is well worth it.

Remember that you get what you put in. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will reap the benefits.

Please let me know your thoughts and message me with any questions 🙂