Therapy & Mindfulness Practices

Abnormal Behavior in your child: When to seek help

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Being a parent can be tough. It is not uncommon to feel responsible when you sense that your child is suffering. Each child is unique, so how do you know when your child’s behavior is deviating from the norm? When is it appropriate to seek help for potentially damaging patterns or conduct you have noticed in your child? Although there are developmental milestones that every child should meet, not every child will be on the same path. Often there may be subtle changes you notice in your child which could point to a deeper issue. The decision to seek professional help can be a difficult leap for many parents.

Here are some behaviors to watch for:

Avoidance or general disinterest in activities she used to enjoy

Overly “clingy” behavior or fear of being alone

Oversensitivity to sights, sounds, smells and touch

Hyperactivity

Increase in anxiety or worry

Crying spells

Increase in tantrums or aggression

Problems with concentration or focus

Trouble sleeping

Loss of appetite

Physical complaints (headaches, stomach ache, generalized pain)

Self-destructive behavior (intentionally hurting self)

If you notice a pattern with any of the above behaviors, seeking help as soon as possible is key. First, consult your child’s pediatrician to rule out anything medical. Some mental health issues can have acute onset but frequently the warning signs can be missed if the progression has been gradual.

Formal evaluation (testing) may be recommended as part of your child’s treatment. Educational testing through the public school system may be helpful. In addition, a doctor or mental health professional may recommend neuropsychological testing to rule out cognitive deficits, autism and other developmental delays. You may be advised to take your child to a mental health professional like a therapist or psychiatrist. Whatever the recommendation, ask questions and remember that you are your child’s best advocate.

You know your child better than anyone else. If something seems off to you, consult a professional. Trust your gut and remember that asking for help is a sign of strength. You don’t have to do this alone!

If your child ever discusses suicide, wanting to die or you notice signs of self-harm, take your child to your local emergency room immediately.

For further reading, check out the resources below:

Centers for Disease Control- Children’s Mental Health

American Academy of Adolescent and Child Psychiatry

Children’s National- Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences

Filed Under: Child, mental health, parenting, self harm, teenagers Tagged With: , , ,

To the girl who feels like she will never fit in

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You are in pain. You don’t feel like you will ever be good enough. Maybe you feel like you are too different. You just want to be accepted. You wish that you could wave a magic wand and that things would change. It seems like you will just never fit in. The grown-ups just don’t get it. It’s too weird to talk about this stuff with your parents. It can be lonely when you are stuck carrying these feelings all by yourself.

I get it. As a therapist, I help girls who struggle with feeling like they aren’t good enough. The truth is you are good enough, sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way. The stuff that happens in your life as a kid and teenager is significant because it can change the person that you become.

What if you felt confident in who you are? What if you had the courage to be yourself and not care what the other kids think? What if you felt brave enough to show the world your talents and gifts? It is possible to get there.

Here are a few things you can start working on today:

  1. List out all the things in your life that bring you joy. I know– this one can be a challenge, especially if you are feeling low. Give it a try anyway. After you come up with 2 or 3 things, see if there is a way to incorporate these into your daily routine.
  2. Start talking to yourself like you would talk to a close friend or someone you really care about. Would you call a friend “stupid” or “a failure”? Probably not. Negative self-talk can perpetuate low self-esteem. Sometimes we may not even realize how mean we are to ourselves because these thoughts have become so automatic.
  3. Be honest with your parents or an adult whom you trust. Sharing things out can be a huge relief. Remember you are not alone.

Things do not have to stay this way! There is hope. With access to support and some helpful strategies, you can begin to finally realize how amazing you are.

 

Filed Under: Child, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, teenagers, teens, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

New Years Resolution- Get more sleep!

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Moving into the new year, you are probably hearing resolutions about eating healthy, losing weight or exercising more. While diet and exercise are important, one wellness area that most teens and adults tend to overlook is sleep. We forget that sleep is one of our most basic human needs. Your body needs sleep in order to function properly. Most adults need at least 7-9 hours of sleep, while teens need 8-10 hours.

Here are a few simple tips that I have found to be helpful for both myself and my clients to ensure a better night’s sleep:

    1. Make sure your bedroom is a place for rest. Feng Shui teachings advise keeping anything work related (homework, computers, etc) out of the bedroom. Why? So that your bedroom is an environment conducive to sleep–not work. On that note, unplug! Put the phone, iPad, and laptop on the other side of the room. Electronics can be a major distraction to both kids and adults. Also, decluttering your bedroom can be a great way to create a more peaceful space.
    2. Give your body some time to slow down. Avoid vigorous exercise at least 2 hours before bedtime and steer clear of caffeinated beverages in the afternoon.
    3. Bring it back to your five senses:

Sight:

Darkness is key. Research shows that darkness induces melatonin production. Melatonin is a hormone that helps control your sleep and wake cycles. You can use an eye mask or purchase blackout curtains for the bedroom to ensure complete darkness.

Sound:

Some people sleep better in silence, others may relax to the sound of white noise or a fan. Calming music with no words can help lull you to sleep. If your phone is not too much of a distraction, there are some helpful apps that use guided imagery and sounds to calm your mind (“insight timer” and “relax melodies” are great).

Touch:

Invest in something soothing to the touch- silky PJ’s, a soft blanket or special sheets. Make your bed a comfy place to be. Also be sure the temperature is right for you. Everyone is different. Some prefer to cooler temperatures and other people enjoy the comfort of a heated blanket. Find what works for you!

Taste:

Try drinking a warm beverage before bed. Hot (non-caffeinated) tea or warm milk with honey can have a relaxing effect on your body. Several foods can naturally increase melatonin production including tart cherry juice and bananas.

Smell:

Finally, my personal favorite way to unwind and relax, essential oils!! Lavender, Chamomile, Bergamot, Sweet Orange and Ylang Ylang are a few of my favorites. Essential oils can be added to water in a diffuser or you can simply rub some on your temples or under your nose before bed. 

See what works for you and let me know what you think!

Schedule your free 20-minute phone consultation today to see if you or your child could benefit from the extra support that therapy can provide.

For further reading on sleep, check out this TED talk https://www.ted.com/talks/jeff_iliff_one_more_reason_to_get_a_good_night_s_sleep

Tips on sleep hygiene from American Sleep Association https://www.sleepassociation.org/patients-general-public/insomnia/sleep-hygiene-tips/

 

Filed Under: mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, sleep, teens, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

What are you grateful for?

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November is a time when most of us think about fun stuff like playing in the leaves, cozy clothes and the upcoming holiday season. The Thanksgiving holiday, in particular, brings to mind eating lots of yummy treats or spending time with family. But have you ever stopped to think about what Thanksgiving really means?

Giving thanks can have many benefits for your psychological health. And guess what? You can “give thanks” all year round! Newsweek published an article (citing Harvard Medical School) on the benefits of gratitude. Benefits included improved sleep, increased self-esteem, more hope for the future and increased resiliency! Personally, I try to write a gratitude list a few times a week. Why? Because it helps me to pay attention to the positive things in my life, rather than focusing—as most of us do—on everything going wrong. My gratitude list might include things as basic as having heat in my house or being able to practice yoga.  One simple way to incorporate gratitude into your life could be writing down 5 things that you are grateful for each day. Hitting the pause button on your day and writing a gratitude list can be a great way to step back and see the bigger picture.

This does not have to be an elaborate exercise. Try it out and let me know how it goes!

For further reading on the benefits of gratitude check out these articles.

In Praise of Gratitude from Harvard Health Publications 

5 scientifically proven benefits of gratitude by Douglas Main of Newsweek

7 scientific benefits of gratitude by Amy Morin of Psychology Today

 

Filed Under: Intentions, mental health, Self Awareness, Thoughts, Visualization Tagged With: , , ,

Handling your child’s love hate relationship with social media

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slideContactLet’s be real. Your kid is using her phone for more than just texting these days. 90% of the teens who I have worked with have had phones with internet access, thus access to endless social media sites and other apps for communicating with God knows who. In addition to the risk that meeting strangers online can pose, “Studies show that repeated exposure to negative postings can trigger or exacerbate symptoms of mental illness” (drjuliehanks.com). The truth is–and I am saying this from years of experience getting into this battle with teens–those who are suffering from a mental health diagnosis like anxiety or depression will be more sensitive to negative comments or images posted online. Teens, in general, tend to be more impressionable than adults and more likely to be affected when they feel judged by their peers. In developmental terms, this can be completely normal. BUT add adolescent plus mental health diagnosis or sensitive personality and this could equal a big problem. By no means am I bashing social media. Social media can be a great tool for keeping in touch, self-expression or delving deeper into hobbies or interests. I actually love social media but giving a child whose brain is not fully matured free reign and access to anything on the internet can be extremely dangerous and even addictive.

My experience as a therapist working with children and teens has taught me that limits have to be set.

  1. There should always be a cut off time for devices- 9pm, bedtime, whatever you choose- and parents keep the phone.
  2. There can be an agreement (for older teens) that parents will not read messages or go snooping.
  3. If there is a safety concern or there has been risky behavior online in the past- parents have a right to snoop or take away the device completely.
  4. Parents have access to passwords for ALL social media sites. Purely for safety.
  5. Remember parenting teens and tweens in this digital age can be extremely difficult. Ultimately it is up to you to find a system that works for you and your family.

Please post your comments about what is working for you!

For more info on the impact of technology on children check out this article from the Huffington Post article titled The Impact of Social Media On The Developing Child

Read more about the psychological impact of social media in this article by Dr. Julie Hanks

Is Social Media Dragging You Down?

Filed Under: parenting, social media Tagged With: , , , , ,

Dealing with stress

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slide4B&WBack to school time got you stressed? Fall can be a busy time for everyone, whether or not you have kids or are a kid! Traffic gets worse, fickle weather, and people are generally doing more.

Here are a few tips to help keep things in perspective!

Oftentimes when we feel overwhelmed, we tend to neglect our most basic human needs. If you are feeling a sense of impending doom or things are getting to be too much, pause and check your body.

Ask yourself these questions:

Am I hydrated? According to the Mayo Clinic, even mild dehydration can leave your body feeling tired. Drinking water is one of the best ways to ensure that you are hydrated, but remember that other beverages and foods (mainly fruits and vegetables) also contain water and contribute to hydration.

Am I hungry? I get it. Sometimes when I’m “in the zone” I forget to eat. For me personally, I have to keep snacks with me at all times. Try keeping a jar of peanut butter at your desk, or a granola bar in your purse.  Even just downing some crackers or a cheese stick can really change your perspective. Although it is tempting, try to avoid candy, soda, and over-snacking.

Am I tired? The sad truth is that most of us don’t get enough sleep. We live in a society where productivity is encouraged, which often sends us the subtle message that our basic human needs are not important. According to The National Sleep Foundation, growing teens need 8-10 hours of sleep. Adults need 7-9 hours. Remember Abraham Maslow from Psych 101? He classified sleep as one of our most basic needs, along with food and water. It is a need, not a want people! So whether you feel the urge to pull an all nighter studying, stay up late binge watching Netflix, or party ’til the sun comes up—remember your body needs sleep to function and you will be feeling it the next day!

Consider the big picture. Take a moment to pause. Maybe take a walk outside, look at the trees, look at the sky. There is a great big world out there. Ask yourself: “how important is this issue in the grand scheme of things?” Ask yourself: “will this be haunting me 1 year from now?” Answering these questions truthfully will really help you keep things in perspective.

Another important thing to consider: Are you in the problem or are you in the solution? Go for a walk, call a friend, listen to your favorite song or podcast, read something inspirational, or have a snack. When I focus on the problem, the problem gets bigger. When I am doing solution oriented things, I don’t have to live in the problem. Sometimes the best thing to do is to “get out of the way” and focus on something productive. Things will often work themselves out.

 

Filed Under: Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What to say to a child who self harms.

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bubbleFAQsFinding out your child has been self harming can be one of the most terrifying experiences. The first reaction for most parents is anger. You might ask yourself “Why is this happening?”, “Who is responsible?”  You might even blame yourself or your partner. Being confronted with the reality that your child is intentionally hurting herself is a scary one.

Here are a few things to remember:

  1. Do not yell or punish. Your child may naturally feel that you are “against” her. Oftentimes self harming is used as a tool to self soothe, and we all know that yelling is not at all soothing to someone who is already in pain. Instead offer healthy alternatives, not as a reward, but rather to let your child know you are willing to work with them.
  2. Respond in a calm way–even though you may feel like screaming. Take a moment (or a few) to compose yourself. Practice some deep breathing. Remember that you are the parent. It is imperative that you remain in control. By remaining calm you are not condoning the behavior. You are coming from a stable place that is more likely to ensure open communication with your child.
  3. Do not give in. While self harm is often a sign of extreme internal suffering, it can also be used as a tool to get certain “needs” met. You may often hear people referring to self harm as “manipulative”, and while some children may use this as a manipulation, this is not the case for all children who self harm. Whatever the intent, we do not want to reinforce this behavior by giving in.
  4. Talk openly with your child by starting a conversation. Openly express your feelings. Try using “I feel statements”. For example “I feel scared when you harm yourself, I need you to come to me next time you feel like hurting yourself”. Acknowledge your child’s pain. You can say “I see that you are suffering” or “I am sorry that you felt like you had to do that. What do you need right now?”
  5. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, educate yourself. Do your own research and consult with professionals. Keep your child’s psychiatrist, therapist and primary care doctor up to date on anything concerning your child’s mental health. If you do not have a mental health provider and you are unsure of what to do, take your child to your local crisis center or emergency room to request a mental health evaluation.

Always come from a place of love. Remember that you care about your child, which is why this can be so scary.  It is important to remember that you are not alone, and there are many parents out there working through these same issues. 

For more reading check out the  Adolescent Self Injury Foundation, which has great tips for kids and parents affected by self injury. You can also search for articles on Psych Central and Psychology Today.

Filed Under: communication, parents, self harm, teens Tagged With: , , , , , ,