Therapy and Mindfulness

Dealing with stress

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slide4B&WBack to school time got you stressed? Fall can be a busy time for everyone, whether or not you have kids or are a kid! Traffic gets worse, fickle weather, and people are generally doing more.

Here are a few tips to help keep things in perspective!

Oftentimes when we feel overwhelmed, we tend to neglect our most basic human needs. If you are feeling a sense of impending doom or things are getting to be too much, pause and check your body.

Ask yourself these questions:

Am I hydrated? According to the Mayo Clinic, even mild dehydration can leave your body feeling tired. Drinking water is one of the best ways to ensure that you are hydrated, but remember that other beverages and foods (mainly fruits and vegetables) also contain water and contribute to hydration.

Am I hungry? I get it. Sometimes when I’m “in the zone” I forget to eat. For me personally, I have to keep snacks with me at all times. Try keeping a jar of peanut butter at your desk, or a granola bar in your purse.  Even just downing some crackers or a cheese stick can really change your perspective. Although it is tempting, try to avoid candy, soda, and over-snacking.

Am I tired? The sad truth is that most of us don’t get enough sleep. We live in a society where productivity is encouraged, which often sends us the subtle message that our basic human needs are not important. According to The National Sleep Foundation, growing teens need 8-10 hours of sleep. Adults need 7-9 hours. Remember Abraham Maslow from Psych 101? He classified sleep as one of our most basic needs, along with food and water. It is a need, not a want people! So whether you feel the urge to pull an all nighter studying, stay up late binge watching Netflix, or party ’til the sun comes up—remember your body needs sleep to function and you will be feeling it the next day!

Consider the big picture. Take a moment to pause. Maybe take a walk outside, look at the trees, look at the sky. There is a great big world out there. Ask yourself: “how important is this issue in the grand scheme of things?” Ask yourself: “will this be haunting me 1 year from now?” Answering these questions truthfully will really help you keep things in perspective.

Another important thing to consider: Are you in the problem or are you in the solution? Go for a walk, call a friend, listen to your favorite song or podcast, read something inspirational, or have a snack. When I focus on the problem, the problem gets bigger. When I am doing solution oriented things, I don’t have to live in the problem. Sometimes the best thing to do is to “get out of the way” and focus on something productive. Things will often work themselves out.

 

Filed Under: Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What to say to a child who self harms.

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bubbleFAQsFinding out your child has been self harming can be one of the most terrifying experiences. The first reaction for most parents is anger. You might ask yourself “Why is this happening?”, “Who is responsible?”  You might even blame yourself or your partner. Being confronted with the reality that your child is intentionally hurting herself is a scary one.

Here are a few things to remember:

  1. Do not yell or punish. Your child may naturally feel that you are “against” her. Oftentimes self harming is used as a tool to self soothe, and we all know that yelling is not at all soothing to someone who is already in pain. Instead offer healthy alternatives, not as a reward, but rather to let your child know you are willing to work with them.
  2. Respond in a calm way–even though you may feel like screaming. Take a moment (or a few) to compose yourself. Practice some deep breathing. Remember that you are the parent. It is imperative that you remain in control. By remaining calm you are not condoning the behavior. You are coming from a stable place that is more likely to ensure open communication with your child.
  3. Do not give in. While self harm is often a sign of extreme internal suffering, it can also be used as a tool to get certain “needs” met. You may often hear people referring to self harm as “manipulative”, and while some children may use this as a manipulation, this is not the case for all children who self harm. Whatever the intent, we do not want to reinforce this behavior by giving in.
  4. Talk openly with your child by starting a conversation. Openly express your feelings. Try using “I feel statements”. For example “I feel scared when you harm yourself, I need you to come to me next time you feel like hurting yourself”. Acknowledge your child’s pain. You can say “I see that you are suffering” or “I am sorry that you felt like you had to do that. What do you need right now?”
  5. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, educate yourself. Do your own research and consult with professionals. Keep your child’s psychiatrist, therapist and primary care doctor up to date on anything concerning your child’s mental health. If you do not have a mental health provider and you are unsure of what to do, take your child to your local crisis center or emergency room to request a mental health evaluation.

Always come from a place of love. Remember that you care about your child, which is why this can be so scary.  It is important to remember that you are not alone, and there are many parents out there working through these same issues. 

For more reading check out the  Adolescent Self Injury Foundation, which has great tips for kids and parents affected by self injury. You can also search for articles on Psych Central and Psychology Today.

Filed Under: communication, parents, self harm, teens Tagged With: , , , , , ,