Blog | Therapy & Mindfulness Practices

We can’t stay silent on the topic of teen suicide. What parents and teens can do.

December 13, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Over the past few weeks, our community has been rocked by 2 teen suicides. Both teens were students at prominent Kensington High Schools. These tragedies are becoming all too common. We hear about it on the news and over social media. According to Mary Anderson, spokeswoman for the Montgomery County Department of Health and Human Services, there have been 5 teen suicides in Montgomery County this year.

There is certainly speculation about the correlation between social media and the rise in child and teen suicides in this country. Cyberbullying, a relatively new phenomenon, has become a major source of stress for today’s teen. There is pressure to present a certain image to the outside world, while what is going on inside often remains hidden. In the Washington DC area, in particular, there is an inordinate amount of value placed on achievement. According to a 2017 article in Forbes magazine, Washington DC is the 2nd most educated city in the United States. The comparison trap is a dangerous one. For emotionally fragile teens, the pressure to succeed is magnified. While we may not be able to change the culture, we can certainly change our attitude towards it.

Facts about Teen Suicide:

Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.
Teens are more likely to tell a peer, rather than an adult if they are having thoughts of suicide.
Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment (NAMI).
There is one death by suicide in the US every 12 minutes (CDC).
“Among teenagers, suicide attempts may be associated with feelings of stress, self-doubt, the pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. For some teens, suicide may appear to be a solution to their problems” (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry).

What parents can do:

Talk to your kids. Parents need to talk about this. Of course, it is uncomfortable to talk about suicide. Many parents worry that bringing up the topic of suicide will ignite those ideations in their child. However, just like sex and drugs, teen suicide is a reality in the world today. Let your child know that they can come to you with anything. Ask open-ended questions. Let them know how you are feeling. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Having an open conversation about suicide will help your child feel more comfortable coming to you for help.
Watch for warning signs. It is so important for parents to know what to watch for when it comes to suicide risk factors. Withdrawal from peers, hopelessness, loss of interest, a decline in hygiene, use of drugs and alcohol as a means to escape, hypersomnia or lack of sleep, and loss of appetite are just some of the warning signs. In addition, you may notice personality changes and increased feelings of apathy (for example– a “who cares” or “nothing matters” attitude).
Ask for help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, go to a mental health professional for guidance or join a parent support group. You don’t have to do it alone. When your child has a physical ailment, you take them to the doctor. You aren’t expected to fix a medical problem on your own. The same goes for psychiatric issues. If you are worried about your child’s mental health, professional help is a must. While it may look like something that is in your child’s control, it is not. There is a common misconception that people with depression and thoughts of suicide can simply snap out of it.

What teens can do:

Talk about your own experience and break the silence. We live in a world where so much of our private lives have been made public. However, there are still certain things that we tend to keep to ourselves. Most of us have been programmed to feel shame when it comes to mental health issues. What if we felt open to share how we actually felt? What if you shared that you go to therapy, experience anxiety or are having issues with depression? You don’t have to feed into the stigma. Mental health issues are a reality.
Don’t add to the problem, be a part of the solution. If you see something, say something– whether it is bullying over social media or noticing warning signs of depression in a friend. If you know someone who is suffering, offer support and tell a trusted adult, like a parent or guidance counselor. Staying silent only feeds into the problem.
Join a group or start a group.
Groups can be a great place to open up and share what is really going on in a safe supportive environment. Whether it is a peer-led self-help group or a group run by a therapist or counselor, hearing other people’s stories can help you to see that you are not in this alone. A group setting can provide a place for you to “relate in” and learn how others were able to manage similar issues.

Remember if you or a friend are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone you trust. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. Asking for help takes courage but there is support available if you need it.

Resources

Facts About Suicide

References

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, coping skills, group, mental health, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, self harm, self-esteem, social media, suicide, teenagers, teens, Therapy, Thoughts

To the Teen Already Suffering From Anxiety: How to Process Tragic Events.

October 4, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

If you are a teen growing up in today’s world, chances are you feel constantly bombarded with information, often bad news. After the mass shooting in Las Vegas, I thought about how some of my adolescent and young adult patients would respond. Most of the young people I work with are already dealing with anxiety on some level. I have to reflect on how I would have processed such a scary assault back when I was a teenager. I recall being in high school during the 9/11 terrorist attack and how terrifying that was for my peers and me. The news coverage back then seemed neverending. The world certainly changed after that day in 2001 but the terror has not stopped.

Today we have even more access to information thanks to the internet. You see coverage of hurricanes, war, violent protests and mass shootings. Here is the scary part: we cannot predict what will happen next. Sometimes it might feel like everywhere you look there is devastation. So how do you manage panic? How do you send your body the message that right now you are safe?

Here are 3 things you can do to take back your control.

1. Limit your social media and news. Social media often becomes a place for people to voice their opinions after such tragedies. While raising awareness of the issues is great, it’s not uncommon for Facebook and Twitter to become a battleground for opposing political opinions. Watching these arguments can give rise to emotions like anger, frustration, and fear. While these emotions are not “bad”, constantly feeding them can create more anxiety and stress in your body.

In terms of watching the news, there is no need to be checking on what is happening 24/7. Seeing terror on the television or watching videos online can cause a traumatic response in the viewer and increase panic symptoms.

2. Practice grounding. Our bodies respond to stress by going into fight, flight or freeze mode. While you may not be in any physical danger currently, your physical response may tell you that you are. Bringing yourself back into your body, in the present moment, can be a great way to get out of your head. One tool I teach my clients on a regular basis is the 5,4,3,2,1 game. I advise clients to come back into the here and now by noticing 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell and 1 thing they can taste. This practice can help you to become more present instead of ruminating over the past or worrying about what the future holds. Other helpful grounding practices are belly breathing and physical contact– (like hugging friends, family, and pets).

Remember in this moment you are safe.

3. Do something. It can be easy to write a post about how you feel on social media. It may require more effort to enact bigger change. Start a fundraiser at your high school, raise awareness in your community about the issues or write your congressmen. Click on the links below for ways to help the those affected by the recent hurricanes and the victims of the shooting in Las Vegas.

Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands

Las Vegas

Finally, if you notice any anxiety, trauma or mood symptoms worsening, you may need help from a mental health professional. Tell your parent or caregiver that you are struggling and know that help is available. You don’t have to do anything alone!

Your Questions Answered: How Yoga Can Help Your Mental Health.

September 22, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

What is Yoga?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say “I can’t do yoga I am not flexible”. The truth is yoga is not just about the poses! The word “yoga” actually comes from the phrase “to yoke” or to bring together. Yoga is a way to connect mind, body, and breath. Because this mindful practice includes breath control, centering, and physical movement, it is often referred to as a “moving meditation”. Yoga does not have to be bending into a pretzel or that classic image of svelte models effortlessly floating into dancer pose.

The physical health benefits are numerous and well documented in medical journals. A regular yoga practice is associated with improved cardiovascular health, relief from chronic pain, arthritis and better sleep, in addition to improving muscle strength and posture. Awareness of breath helps you to slow down your thoughts and incorporate more body awareness.

Okay, so what about the mental health benefits?

Most people are aware that practicing yoga will calm your body down. Having a mindfulness practice can also encourage you to stay present with whatever is happening. Oftentimes we are wrapped up in what has happened in the past or what we believe will happen in the future. I can speak for myself when I say that I often get carried away with my thoughts, worries, and “What Ifs”.

Coming back into your breath can take the focus out of your head and into your body. Something magical happens when you connect with your body. Staying in the moment allows you be open to all of the wonderful possibilities your life has to offer.

How can yoga help my depression?

Most of us know that physical exercise is beneficial to one suffering from depression. Yoga is awesome because it incorporates mindfulness with the movement that does not have to be strenuous. Often in depression, the sufferer will experience lethargy, rumination, feelings of sadness and lack of motivation. Practicing yoga and meditation can combat these symptoms and even increase production of feel-good chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin. The practices of yoga and meditation have been noted to activate these neurotransmitters that help regulate mood.

What about my anxiety?

Yoga is a great exercise for someone dealing with anxiety. Often people who suffer from anxiety disorders are preoccupied with what is going on in their heads. Predicting unpleasant events and re-living uncomfortable situations are common for those who struggle with anxiety. Yoga allows space to notice that right now, in this moment, everything is okay. Patients who have been diagnosed with panic disorders and other anxiety disorders, typically have decreased GABA activity in the brain. The chemicals that are released in the brain during a yoga class have been compared to the effects of the Benzodiazepine class of anti-anxiety medication.

I am struggling with addiction. Can yoga help me?

Having a yoga practice can definitely be a helpful supplement to addiction treatment and recovery programs. As stated earlier, Yoga and other mindfulness practices can increase blissful chemicals in the brain like GABA, dopamine, and serotonin, which can be responsible for that post-yoga class euphoric feeling. Additionally, having a routine can be beneficial for anyone dealing with a mental health concern. Adding yoga to your schedule can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy in a positive way.

Do kids and teens benefit from yoga?

Absolutely. In fact, yoga can help children to be more aware of the way their bodies move, while also building comfort with those growing bodies. Teaching mindful movement and meditation to younger children will allow them to learn to focus and be present. Integrating breath and movement can also help with emotional regulation. For teens, yoga can help improve self-esteem by increasing body gratitude and building a sense of community.

How often should I practice?

If I could practice every day I totally would! I think incorporating some kind of mindful exercise whether it is meditation, yoga or prayer, can be a helpful way to start the day. If it starts to feel like a chore, it may be time to prioritize and look at what else is taking up your time. A lot of people find that the calm they feel after going to a yoga class or practicing yoga on their own is well worth it.

Remember that you get what you put in. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will reap the benefits.

Please let me know your thoughts and message me with any questions 🙂

How to Make Worry Stones

August 27, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Worry Stones

I recently posted a photo of some “worry stones” I made on Instagram and I received a lot of positive feedback, as well as questions about how to make these magical stones.

I cannot take credit for the invention of worry stones. I learned about worry stones while working in a partial hospitalization program for adolescents. We made worry stones as a group activity and also gave them out as a distress tolerance tool for the teens.

A worry stone can be used as a grounding tool if you are feeling “up in your head”, angry or anxious. Rubbing a worry stone between your index finger and thumb can be a way to bring you make to the here and now.

A great thing about these worry stones is that they are small enough to fit in your pocket and the movement of rubbing your fingers together is so subtle that no one will even know you are using a coping skill! Also, the process of making worry stones can be therapeutic in and of itself.

Here is what you will need to make your very own batch of worry stones:

I purchase everything on Amazon but you can also go to your local craft store

Assorted colors of bakeable clay (I use Sculpy)

Sculpy glaze (optional)

Sparkles or Sparkle dust

An oven

A baking pan

Your hands

That’s it!

Okay, now how to make them….

Preheat the oven to 275 degrees.
Break a few pieces off of 2-4 colors and swirl together. (There is definitely a sweet spot in terms of when to stop mixing. Too much mixing can make the color turn out muddy).
Roll your clay mixture into a ball a little larger than a quarter.
Press your thumb into the ball so the piece of clay forms into a bowl shape but also gives you a nice spot to rub your thumb. (You can make as many as you want!!)
Once you have made your worry stones you can place them on your baking sheet about 1 inch apart.
Bake for 15 minutes.
Once you have allowed your stones to cool, you can choose to add sparkle dust or your glaze.

Now that you are done, you can keep some for yourself or give them out as gifts!

Please send me a message and let me know how they turn out 🙂

Namaste.

Filed Under: Child, coping skills, mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, parenting, parents, Self Awareness, teenagers, teens, Therapy Tagged With: anger management, anxiety, coping skills, distress tolerance, mindfulness, parenting, therapy

A message to parents: Teach peace

August 14, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

With all the hate and violence in the world, it can be hard to maintain a positive attitude. I typically do not blog about current events but after this past weekend, I felt compelled to say something. I apologize for any grammatical errors. I felt it was more important to get this message out there than proofreading this blog.

I became a social worker because I wanted to help people who may not have been afforded the same blessings that I have (obviously). I continued working in this often emotionally draining and sometimes depressing profession for the past 10 years because I love hearing people’s stories, stories of resilience. I love talking to people who despite the odds, kept going because they had to. People who had faith they were being taken care of, that their suffering was not for nothing. I love pointing out people’s strengths.

Sometimes I wonder, how can certain people be filled with such hate and contempt for those who are different? I take a step back. I have to remember that we are taught certain values and beliefs in childhood that we carry with us as adults. Hate is taught… and hate often stems from fear. Where do hate and fear come from?

It starts at home.

So how can we teach the next generation to be advocates of peace?

In our modern world, a lot of us are plagued with worry about violence in our communities, not to mention the threat of nuclear war. Will my kids be influenced by the news? Will my kids pick up on my own stress and anxiety? Unfortunately, the answer to both questions is a resounding YES. Our children are impacted by what is happening around them constantly. The good news is that you have a choice about what you expose your child to. You can decide to live in a place of fear or will to teach your child to be a proponent of love. Children and adolescents are impressionable, but they also can be incredibly buoyant.

What can you do as a parent to make sure your kid stays emotionally healthy in such an unstable, often scary world?

Take care of yourself first. Put the oxygen mask on yourself. You cannot be fully present for your child if you don’t. Self-care at this point may involve enlisting the help of a therapist or attending a support group to deal with your own issues around what is happening in the world. Self-care could also mean making it a priority to go to yoga 1x a week or even finding a half hour to sit quietly and read (preferably something not related to current events). These things may seem to be luxuries but they are absolutely necessary to keep you going. Remember your child will be influenced by your anxieties. You can choose to be a calm presence for your child in an unpredictable world.

Teach love and teach them to connect! Uniting with people who share a common mindset of inclusion can be super powerful, whether it is at your child’s school, in a meditation group or in your spiritual community. Tara Brach, psychologist and meditation teacher, talks about “the unreal other”. Tara talks about what happens when we see people from different races, religions, cultures and economic status through a lens of separateness. “We are conditioned to perceive people as unreal others- two-dimensional characters who lack sentience, vulnerability, and goodness. This is often most insidious when we filter people through demeaning culturally driven stereotypes”. Building a sense of community can be an antidote.

Be the change. Help your neighbor. Smile at a stranger. Volunteer. Make it a family affair. Posting on social media is great to raise awareness, but it is way more impactful to actually do something. Getting out there and helping can open your kid’s eyes to see that the world is bigger than their sheltered bubble. Donate your time to a cause that you care about. Yeah, you might have to inconvenience yourself but it can also be an exercise in gratitude for the whole family.

Look at what is in your control. Here is what you can’t control- the actions of others. Ask yourself these questions: Can I help someone today? Can I send up some prayers? Can I cut back on my news watching and spend more time with my kids? Can I start a daily Metta (loving-kindness) meditation practice?

Finally do not let fear rule your life. Easier said than done, I know. Focusing on the problems: i.e. Obsessing about the news, wondering how people could be so hateful, worrying about what is going to happen next, take time and energy away from looking at solutions. How can I be an ambassador of peace? How can I teach my children that we are all brothers and sisters part of one human race?

Always reach out for help and emotional support if you need to.

Keep in mind that it is okay to be upset! These events are absolutely appalling. But remember-

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

Further reading:

Tara Brach

Insight Meditation Community of Washington

Still Water Mediation Group

Get involved:

Big Brothers Big Sisters

YMCA

So Others May Eat

Martha’s Table

Filed Under: Child, development, mental health, Mindfulness, parenting, parents

To the twenty-something who feels stuck

August 9, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

You feel like you aren’t where you should be.

You finished school but things don’t feel right. For some reason, you thought you would be fully “adulting” by now but instead, you feel lost and unsure of your next steps. You were able to work hard in school but now it’s a struggle to get up off the couch. Maybe you can still go to your job but it feels like there is something missing. You feel like you can’t enjoy your life. Where is that drive you once had?

You might feel like you aren’t living up to everyone’s expectations.

Maybe you feel like you are letting your parents down or perhaps you are realizing that what your parents see for you is different than what you want for yourself. It doesn’t help watching your peers’ successes posted all over social media. You know for sure you are not fulfilling your potential.

It shouldn’t be this hard, right?

What you are experiencing is not at all uncommon. Your twenties can be an overwhelming and scary time. You are expected to be an adult, but at the same time, you have never had to be on your own before. Managing responsibilities like paying bills, grocery shopping and showing up to work, not to mention basic self-care can be difficult. The passage into adulthood is a challenge to navigate. For some people, achievements like completing high school or college can be liberating, but for others, no longer having that structure can be incredibly daunting. But these transitions do not have to be paralyzing.

What if you were able to feel motivated and inspired to get out there? How would it feel to have a life that made you want to jump out of bed in the morning? What if you felt happy? What if you felt like things were falling into place and you were right where you were supposed to be?

As cheesy as it sounds, there is only one of you. You have gifts and talents that no one else has. You don’t have to struggle alone. You just need the support to move forward.

The young adults I have worked with benefit from a perception change.

So what is getting in your way?

A pattern of negative thinking. Your thoughts influence your feelings and behaviors. If you don’t pay attention to what you are telling yourself, it will be hard to make any kind of change. One distorted thinking pattern that can get in the way of positive change is “all or nothing” or “black and white” thinking. Thinking in these terms means you see people or events in extremes. This type of thinking may cause you to categorize things as “good” or “bad” instead of seeing the gray area. Another distorted thinking pattern is labeling. You may label yourself as “a loser” or “a failure”. Labeling yourself as “unmotivated” or “lazy” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help get to the core of these distorted thinking patterns and equip you with the tools you need to challenge your own thinking.
The belief that everything is going to be perfect. News flash- nothing in life is ever going to be “perfect”. Additionally, no human being is immune from making mistakes. If you wait for everything to line up the way you believe it should, you may be waiting forever. Sometimes you need to take action. Mindfulness can be an antidote to perfectionism because it allows us to see things as they are without judgment.
Self-sabotage. Often we deal with feelings of shame and self-doubt by self-medicating. Whether it be with food, alcohol, or even Netflix. Using these things to cope can feel good. Duh, that’s why people use them, right? They are a quick fix. However, when you constantly go to the quick fix, it can become way too easy to shy away from developing the healthy coping skills that may involve more work. Long term use of unhealthy coping skills can also lead to emotional and health related consequences.
An underlying mental health diagnosis. Depression and anxiety can cause debilitating symptoms that may look like a lack of drive. Symptoms like fatigue and hopelessness can be incapacitating. Unfortunately, people who are struggling with addiction are often seen as lacking the willpower to change. Symptoms of ADHD are often disguised as laziness. The truth is, these serious diagnoses are not your fault and should be treated by a mental health professional.
The belief that it is not okay to ask for help. Does this statement sound familiar- “I should be able to handle this”? Whether you are having trouble with independent living or just feeling stuck, you CAN ask for help. Most successful people have had plenty of help along the way. You have been trying to do this on your own long enough and it is not working. Remember “if nothing changes, nothing changes”.

You don’t have to stay stuck.

Filed Under: cognitive behavioral therapy, mental health, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, self-esteem, Therapy, Thoughts Tagged With: cognitive behavioral therapy, depression, mental health, millennial, motivation, stuck, substance abuse, young adult

How to be kinder to yourself

July 12, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

We live in a society where workaholism is praised. Often, the media, our parents, our teachers and our bosses are sending the same message: work harder and you will meet your goals. As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, I must admit, I do buy into the idea that if I work harder I will get what I want. The truth is hard work doesn’t always pay off. Like most people, I get burned out. In addition to burn out, many can experience anxiety, “imposter syndrome”, and even paralyzing self-doubt when things don’t work out.

Even our children are taught to push themselves in order to be “the best”. One byproduct of this cultural norm is a society where an alarming percentage of young children are experiencing anxiety. This begs the question: What kind of example are we setting as adults? We work long hours, eat food “products” (that aren’t even real food), treat sleep like it is optional, are overscheduled and as a result feel undervalued. But feeling undervalued can start with your own mindset.

DO YOU VALUE YOURSELF?

Do you value yourself whether or not you get that promotion or get asked on a second date? Do you value yourself even though you skipped the gym today?

Are you giving yourself a break? Are you treating your body like the gift that it is?

The purpose of these questions is not to make you feel like you are failing but rather, to bring the idea of self-care back into your awareness.

Cut yourself some slack. The truth is that your “best” can look different from day to day. Recognize that you are going to have some days when you can give more than others. When you find yourself feeling irritable, sluggish or fatigued- it might be time to give yourself a break. Remember you wouldn’t be human if you felt the same way every minute of every day.

Below are 6 ways you can treat yourself with more kindness

Get outside. Notice all the details. See all that is alive among the trees and wildlife. Nature has a healing effect on people. Experiencing something bigger than yourself can highlight the fact that there is more to life than what you are feeling at this moment.
Treat yo self. Seriously, buy yourself a treat and savor it. Consume it mindfully. Whether it is a frappuccino from Starbucks, some chocolate or a freshly squeezed juice. And please don’t count the calories.
Give your pet or kid a snuggle or ask for a hug from a friend. Human touch releases oxytocin, a bonding hormone. Studies show that oxytocin can help ease physical pain and emotional stress.
Notice your mistakes and EMBRACE them. Mistakes help us learn and remind us that we are human. Rather than beating yourself up every time you make an error, think in terms of a growth mindset. Try this thought on for size: If things stay status quo, I stay the same. If there is change, there is opportunity me to grow and get stronger.
Allow yourself to unplug. Once upon a time, we lived in a world where cell phones did not exist. What would it be like if you weren’t readily available for everyone else? Being “on call” can feed anxious thoughts. The world will keep spinning even if you don’t respond to that text. What if you allowed things around you to happen without you interfering or constantly knowing what is going on in everyone else’s life? While social media has it’s benefits, it also feeds the tendency to compare your life to someone else’s. Remember what you see online is an edited, filtered avatar. No one’s life is perfect.
Finally, applaud yourself for small victories. Did you schedule a Dr.’s appointment? Walk the dog? Pick up groceries for the week? Take the stairs? Go you! Celebrating these accomplishments can shift your mindset to a more positive one.

5 Reasons You Should Give Therapy a Try

June 15, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Why Therapy?

Whether or not you are suffering from a diagnosed mental health condition, therapy can be a helpful tool. Life is full of surprises. Changes in health, family dynamics or a romantic relationship can be difficult to navigate. Seeking support from a mental health professional, outside of your family or friends, should never be viewed as something to be ashamed of. As humans, social interaction is an important component to mental health. The idea that you should be able to deal with certain pains in life on your own is a false one.

Here are a few ways therapy can help:

You get an outside perspective. Having an objective person share their observations during a personal dilemma is often helpful, especially when you may be too emotionally invested to see the big picture. For some, it can be difficult to admit that we are struggling, even to our closest companions. Your therapist is legally and ethically obligated to keep your information and what you share in session confidential. Additionally, your therapist can hold you accountable so you can stay on track with your goals.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help. One of the hallmarks of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is identifying the negative thinking patterns that can distort our reality. A CBT oriented therapist can help her patient to recognize these thought distortions. CBT also points to the relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If you can change your thinking, eventually you can change your response to certain distressing situations.
The power of the relationship. Carl Rogers, the father of “person-centered” or humanistic therapy, posits that there are three essential ingredients of a successful therapeutic relationship – unconditional positive regard, genuineness, and empathy. The act of stating your feelings out loud to another person can help you to hear what you are actually saying and feel like a release. For this reason, having a nonjudgemental person there to hold the space can be therapeutic in and of itself.
Therapy can give you tools for dealing with life. Maybe you have some bad habits you are trying to break or you are tired of blowing up at your significant other. A trained mental health professional can help you identify coping strategies to manage difficult encounters. In therapy, time can be spent exploring certain triggers, communication patterns and automatic negative thoughts which could be at the root of these maladaptive behaviors.
Therapy rewires the brain. The results are well documented. People who engage in therapy become more self-aware, report increased self-esteem and develop more positive habits. Over time, therapy can change the way you think. Why? Recognizing your own thought patterns is the first step to changing them.

Some things to keep in mind:

Therapy is a process, not a quick fix. In most therapy settings, the goal is for the client to be able to implement changes in their life, outside of the office. A successful therapy case takes work from both therapist and client. It can take some time to build a relationship with your therapist and for a lot of people, it may take some time to find someone who is a good fit.

If you are struggling, ask for help. Remember you don’t have to do anything alone.

10 things you can do today for increased happiness

March 16, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

Happiness?

As a therapist, I often hear clients of all ages tell me: “I want to feel happier”. Many are struggling with symptoms of depression or anxiety, and some are having trouble accepting their current circumstances. I have to ask: “What would happy feel like?”. A lot of people have trouble answering this question. Happiness can mean different things for different people. When I think of happiness, words like joy, gratitude, and contentment come to mind. While this is my conception of the word, it may not be another’s. As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I help my clients explore their own thinking patterns, while also dissecting how those patterns impact behavior. As a yoga teacher, I also have to explore the mind-body connection.

Below is a list of ten simple tools you can incorporate into your daily life to improve your mood, and set you on your path to happiness:

Refraining from complaining– Pause and ask yourself “Am I living in the problem? Or am I living in the solution?”. Feeding the problem will only make it bigger. What does feeding the problem look like? Complaining to other people, and wallowing in self-pity. We have all been there. Rather than turning to negative thinking and adding to the problem, focus on being in the solution. Being solution oriented means asking for help, being willing to take suggestions, and taking small steps toward change.
Mind your body– Pay attention to your habits. What are you feeding your body? Are you hydrated? Are you exercising? All of these factors have a huge impact on mood. Avoid processed foods and start carrying a water bottle. Start an exercise routine, and this doesn’t mean you have to wake up at 5 AM or join an overpriced gym. Schedule a walk outside with a friend or make time to practice some yoga at home. Also, take care of any pain or chronic health issues by consulting with your primary care physician.
Stop comparing– Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. First of all, no two people are exactly alike. As an identical twin, I should know. So why do we constantly compare ourselves to others? Everyone has their own unique story and a different set of problems. Do not fall into the comparison trap. Comparing yourself to another person is a futile exercise.
Say “yes” and say “no”- Say “yes” to the things you enjoy and surround yourself with people who lift you up. Be open to new experiences even if they seem scary at the time—this is how we grow, and get happier. Say “no” to the things you cannot fit into your schedule and to people who drain you of energy.
Avoid mind wandering– Sometimes, when we let our negative thinking take over, we can end up overthinking and spiraling into unpleasant stories. Our minds are designed to scan for threats. So how do we enjoy our lives despite this negativity bias? One way is to try to stay more present for your life. This could mean having a daily meditation practice, pausing to notice your breath or simply doing one thing at a time.
Check your “emotional hygiene”– Watch how you talk to yourself. Negative self-talk can hugely impact mood. What does negative self-talk look like? “I am a loser”, “No one will ever ask me out”, and “I will never be happy with the way I look”. Just like we have to clean our bodies and watch what we eat, we also should be watching what we feed our minds. Positive affirmations and a daily gratitude practice can be a great way to counter negative self-talk.
Gratitude- As stated above, a daily gratitude practice has been linked with happier lives in general and can be a great tool to counter negative self-talk. Your gratitude practice could be writing down 5 things you are grateful for, telling your support people that you are thankful for their presence or taking the time to thank your god/higher power/deity/universe when something good happens.
Get outside-There is a reason a lot of hospitals use pictures of nature and plants to add to the decor. Because research shows that being outside in nature can have a positive impact on mood. Studies indicate that spending time in nature can combat rumination- repetitively or obsessively thinking about one’s negative feelings.
Make sure you are getting enough sleep- I shared this in a previous blog post, and if you don’t believe me, you can google it. Sleep impacts mood. The CDC recommends 8 to 10 hours of sleep for adolescents and at least 7 hours of sleep for adults. If you are not getting enough sleep, you are going to be tired, irritable and feel drained. Because sleep directly affects your mood, it can have a significant impact on your personal pursuit of happiness
Self-soothe- Finally, give yourself some love. Why? Because you are worth it! Take a bath, listen to a guided meditation, read a book, smell some essential oils or book a massage. Make it a routine and if you have to- put a reminder on your phone.

Remember if you are struggling with a mental health diagnosis always consult with a mental health professional. If you are having thoughts of suicide, call 911 or go to your nearest Emergency Room.

For further reading, check out the resources below.

TED Radio Hour- Simply Happy.

http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/267185371/simply-happy

CDC’s recommendations for sleep by age group.

https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/how_much_sleep.html

Standford News- how nature decreases depression.

http://news.stanford.edu/2015/06/30/hiking-mental-health-063015/

Filed Under: mental health, Mind Body Connection, Mindfulness, Self Awareness, Thoughts Tagged With: cognitive behavioral therapy, happiness, self care, self-talk

To the mom who feels like she is failing

February 24, 2017 by Meghan Renzi

You have known her since birth. She is your little girl. You remember like it was yesterday; her smile, her laugh, her cuddles. You think back to what it was like when she looked up to you, when you could be in the moment with your girl- playing outside, going on adventures, reading bedtime stories. Your sole purpose was to make her feel loved and taken care of.

Lately, things have been different. She lashes out at the smallest things. You no longer feel the closeness that was once there. Maybe she tells you that you don’t understand. You see her criticizing herself and the world around her. You see her caught up in what the media tells her she is supposed to be or look like. The dreams she had as a young child seem to be fading.

What happened to your little girl? You try to do all the right things. You give positive feedback, get her involved in activities and let her know you are available to talk.

Adolescence is a difficult time for both the child and the parents. As Dr. Mary Pipher puts it, “Adolescence is currently scripted in a way that builds conflict between teenagers and their parents. Conflict occurs when parents try to protect their daughters who are trying to be independent in ways that are dangerous. Teenagers are under great social pressure to abandon their families, to be accepted by peer culture and to be autonomous individuals”. (Pipher, 65).

Developmentally it is completely normal for your child to be creating distance in the relationship. At this stage of life, peer groups are of paramount importance. In addition to shifts in relationships, there are also bodily changes that occur in adolescence. These shifts may contribute to your daughter feeling uncomfortable in her skin. Another notable change is the way adolescents tend to view the world. Teens, in general, are more likely to utilize cognitive distortions including emotional reasoning- “I feel this way so it must be true” and black and white thinking- seeing situations and people in extremes. Teens tend to come from a more egocentric place, where it is difficult to see another’s point of view. All of these patterns are typical for this developmental stage. However, knowing something is “normal” may not make them any easier to deal with.

Raising your daughter in today’s world can be a challenge, to say the least. So what are you to do?

Remember safety first– Always seek professional help if there is talk of suicide if you notice any self-harming or other high-risk behaviors (sex, substance abuse, running away). Use your judgment as a parent in setting limits with the cell phone, the internet, and driving privileges.
Consistency– adolescents are likely to “split” adults or look for a way around the rules. It is best that all caretakers are on the same page in terms expectations and boundaries. Talk with those involved in the care of your teen about what is acceptable for your child.
Self-care– This one is so important. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first or else you won’t be of any help to your child. Self-care can be basic like getting enough sleep, making sure you have eaten and are hydrated. Once these basic physiological needs are met you can explore what brings you joy. Journaling, reading, meditation and/or exercise can be great stress relievers.
Be gentle with yourself- Give yourself a break. You are only human and you are doing the best you can. Ask for help from your support network when you need it. Give yourself permission to have your own emotional reaction to what is going on. Seek professional help if necessary.

For further reading on changes that occur during adolescence check out the resources below:

Reviving Ophelia- Saving the selves of adolescent girls by Dr. Mary Pipher, Ph.D.

http://www.mindful.org/three-tips-raising-resilient-teens/

http://www.mindful.org/amazing-tumultuous-wild-wonderful-teenage-brain/

Filed Under: Child, communication, development, Mindfulness, parents, teenagers, teens Tagged With: adolescents, girls, mental health, moms, parenting, self care, teens